A few issues. Your fight scenes are way too descriptive. It slows down the pace significantly and ruins immersion.
You also make a tad too much use of introducing people anonymously even when it’s people you’ve already introduced eg. Trunks.
As much as having the reader wonder who’s being introduced is effective in creating tension from time to time, mysteries are only satisfying when they have an appropriate pay-off. Otherwise further mysteries become cheap.
Other than that your writing is good.

What is it with you and squirrels? I can't say I enjoy reading about them as much as you seem to enjoy writing about them...

I would love to see this story animated, this chapter (Chapter 9) especially. There's just something about being able to see the day-to-day lives of characters like Pan, Videl, Gohan, Chi-Chi, Goku, and Vegeta that feels wonderful.

I love seeing them developed as more than just characters. They have motivations and personalities that tie into their believable behavior. When they interact with other people or simply move about in the environment, you can really see it happening in your mind's eye.

I would love so much to see animated even just little scenes from this chapter that demonstrate this, like the scene where Goku is caring for Gosan and then playfully drops him onto the cushions. There's also the scene in which Goku is flying above the city on his way to see Buu. He is looking down at the buildings and people, and when he sees some kite-flyers wave to him, he waves back. It's little things like these go a long way to make a believable and - more importantly - enjoyable story.

I have not yet finished reading, so I look forward to seeing what else you have written.

Not bad so far. Everyone seems to be acting in character. And Goku worrying about his age and getting weaker is an interesting dynamic. And knowing about GT he better be careful about what he wishes for *raises eyebrows up and down repeatedly*. Also hello Gosan/Original the Grandchild. Wonder which side of the family he is from though another kid of Gohan's or if Goten actually managed to settle down instead of becoming a ladie's man. Also poor Uub getting beaten in the Semifinals at least he managed to hold his own and is a lot stronger now. It also seems Mr. Satan isn't here either most likely retired. May the world's savior reign live on in our hearts.

I LOVE Sayaman

nice job

Aw, nutbunnies, this story is dead, isn't it.
Dang iiiit

I just read your whole fanfic in one afternoon. Really liked it, much better than the real GT.

I see that is quite old so you may have left it behind but I do hope you will continue it one day.

My favorite parts are how you create a believable post Frieza universe. He was an huge figure that is its logical that the after effects of his life and dead would still have an influence on the universe.

My favorite part was Redgic story, you created such as an awesome character, it was so cool that even though Goku could have easily beaten him he instead honored him by fighting him as a proper warrior.

The Ragano Arc was very good, we saw great character development for Pan and her last fight was amazing. I loved how Goku and Trunks were just keeping tabs on her by following her Ki all the way in the ship.

Goku was also really cool in this arc alet ranting between funny and cool, thanks for having your Goku be childish without ever carrying the idiot ball like he did in real GT.

My biggest disappointment is that we didn't see Trunks fight. Hope if you ever continue this fic you will give my man Trunks a chance to shine because so far he seems the least developed of the three main characters

And I really want to see him use those Ki-Sword techniques I hope he learned from Ragano. If you do continue and give Trunks his time in the sun, I hope you reference Tapion and the Hiderugan movie, as that is my favorite movie.

My major complain is that your humor seems too American at times, the way the characters talk, the references to American food instead of Japanese or Asian food, the whole breaking the fourth wall and making your own comments on the story.

But the worst offenders are the whole deal with the squirrels and the comedic episode with the Saiyans on a TV show. I mostly skipped those parts.

Finally for me the voices of the characters aren't quite right, specially Goku's, like for example he would have never even tried to address Ragano in a regal way, after all this is a guy who meets Gods on a regular basis and addresses them in the most casual of manners.

Anyway, even if the voices feel off at times, I think you get the heart of the characters and that's the main thing. As I read this I definitely want to read more about them and spend time with them.

Hope you will continue this one day. All the best and keep up the good work.

Good stuff. please update soon.

awesome story i cant wait for more :D

Gah! Finally remembered to check again, and I only get two new chapters! Or is it 1? I don't remember if I read 16 or not...
By which I mean Holycrap you're still awesome and I'm glad I remembered this existed, seeing as this morning sucked and I think this kinda cancels out the ten minutes I spent trying to read the inscription on a wrench.
*Ahem* But that is not constructive criticism. And, being the type of idiot who whines all year then churns out 50k words in a week, I'd better bloody well practice on constructive criticism.
I really liked the relationship between Regano and Pan. It's one of the more believable and less hormonal love at first sight type situations I can think of (granted, I can't think of many that aren't "RAAA HOTNESS!").

Then there's Zatar's betrayal, which felt wrong for quite a bit. Once it got into full swing, it worked splendidly, but in the lead up, where it was mostly hinted at, and the foundation to it was explained, something about it felt... I dunno, weak? (Not that I can think of any cleverer way to do it.) It wasn't bad, but somehow it felt like it'd stepped back a level, which is probably more because Zatar felt like a real adviser rather than potential traitor (even his discontent with Regano's decisions seemed more realistic than indicative of betrayal). This is probably me getting all tripped up by what is/isn't cliche (I'm not even sure at this point), and what tropes are most frequently subverted/lampshaded/invoked in your writing.
This probably helps the actual outcome, though! I was starting to get worried the storytelling was weakening, then you turned around and proved me wrong. (All the cultural references helped magnificently. The Return of the Jedi bit in particular was pretty nice, as I'm not use to that scene being parodied, and I wound up wondering aloud if you didn't go into so much detail on the Koum sealife just to set up the Hitch Hiker's Guide line. XD ).
Actually, you did the exact same thing with the KaioKen, now that I think of it. I'm not sure if there were hints in previous chapters (it's been a while; I should backread), but I was suspecting it was building toward Pan going SSJ, and I was trying to convince myself this was a good way/time/etc to do so as not to get pulled out of the action... then awesome happened again.

The only thing that felt a little weird even at the end-and I'm pretty sure this is not bad even though I'm a little apprehensive-is that I noticed for the first time that Pan talks like an average (Americanized) teenage girl. (Then I started thinking "Or my sister... ok, maybe a bit above average." :P ) I can't think of any reason why this should bug me (the word "subtlety" keeps bouncing around in my head throughout writing this, but it does not seem appropriate any time it gets close to the keyboard). It's probably a strength, really. And it's nowhere near as bad as the insane speaking styles in, say, X-Men ("Let's give everyone a qwerk, then beat the reader over the head with it!" Which you did not, so good for you.).

I wish I could say this was the first time I'd written a page, then realized I had no idea what I was trying to say. This week. I'm sure I'll come back and read this tomorrow and desperately wish I'd said something differently. I should stop talking and hit submit, shouldn't I? Keepupthegoodwork!

awesome

What the hell was that

cool

Well goku got his wish