sad

I love this piece. It practically took my breath away. Amazing. I don't have any criticism at all... It's completely original and yet faithful to cannon. You own :)

A nice fic :). Though to me it doesn't seem much angsty or depressing, i still like the dark theme and particularly the way you describe H/M. I fav this pairing, unfortunately since it's arduous to match them together without being OOC, rarely of those H/M fics i could considered as well-portrayed. But i truly like your way, which i think the best way to capture the characters and reflect their relationship without bluffing or kindda Mary Sues T_T . On the edges, calmly fighting with fate, and be together. It reminds me to the YYH series themselves while the story goes all the way through the main characters, and ends up leavinng H&M together in an open ending. THe understanding and sympathy between them underneath the harshly cold mammer really touch. Thank you for reading this :)

...

That is mightily depressing. And not a bit disturbing.

But I like it all the same ...

This is very deep and well written... nice job covering all of the main characters. Your descriptions were flawless.

Beautiful, sad, tragic, heart-rending. It's almost painfully realistic, actually. It reminds me very much of the way I felt after... everything happened... I think that's why I like your literature so much. Because I can relate to the feelings, the intense emotions, and the characters and all of their flaws... I love it.

~EL

This was beautiful, the way you wrote this. And so true: the world is always on fire. Plus I like the Hiei/Mukuro bit at the end. Go you!

-"Blood was everywhere. The dead and the dying lay untouched and rotting in the streets everywhere."

I would get rid of one of those 'everywhere's - they're a bit close together.

-"There was no hope, there was no hope."

This sounds a little too 'poetic' for a prose piece - it's probably just my personal preference, but I would suggest something like, 'There was no hope. None.' as a suitably dramatic replacement.

-"...and Kuwabara making sure they followed the age-old law Enki had set forth the first day he’d attained Kingship."

What is this law, out of curiosity? I only really dabble in the YYH fandom, so I'm not familliar with quite a bit of it...

-"The first is a woman with hair the color of distant funeral pyres and is dressed in loose-fitting garments. Her face is covered by half a mask which conceals the scars underneath."

Whoops...you slipped into the present tense there. Might want to fix that. ;)

-"He is shorter than the woman and wears dark clothes, but he bears the same grim expression. He sneers."

And...again with the present-tense. There's a lot of switching back and forth from past to present between the first instance I mentioned and the end of the fic - something to watch out for, methinks.

Also, as a more general rule, 'king' isn't normally capitalized unless it's used as an actual title preceeding someone's name. 'King Yusuke' would be capitalized, where 'the king' and 'king', would not be.

-

And that's it for technicalities. Hurray! :D

So, this particular fic...isn't very angsty. At least, not by my definition. It /is/ dark, depressing, and just a wee bit disturbing, so good job on that! I think if you're going for angst, you'll want to actually focus more on a specific character and explain how he/she is feeling about all of this - Perhaps use this bit that you've already got written and add to it, with a bigger focus on a specific character. Yusuke might be good, though any of the main characters would work, I think.

Anyway, I quite enjoyed this. It's not 'angst' in the sense that you were going for, but you pulled off a dark, depressing mood nonetheless, and I applaud you. :)

Cheers!

~Kiwi

Awesome job with this story, and I loved the summary. Angsty and very deep. Great job!

*blinks* Wow, I'm guessing this is your most dramatic yet. _ It's kind of sad though that Enki died. He was a good demon. *mock-cries*

Good job. A bit of misspelling, but still, good job.

- Serenader