Goddamn it, I finally find a time travel harry pic that doesn't have Weasley bashing or Dumbledore bashing or evil Dursley's or any other rubbish and its both dead and unbetaed... Here's to hoping.

"Oliver was already discussing about hiring Ron to be Harry's privet coach, they could be seen having indebt talks on different Quidditch strategies." Should be "Harry's PRIVATE coach" and "... IN-DEPTH talks ..."

Interesting reaction by Ron to the rat's potential demise!

Please limit yourself to ONE SPEAKER PER PARAGRAPH, even if said speaker only says, "Huh?" When you are writing a conversation, every time you switch speakers, you need to start a brand new paragraph. You generally do well with this - better than some of my former students who spoke and wrote ONLY English! - but sometimes you forget, and it is confusing to figure out who is speaking. This page has several such paragraphs. See the following paragraph:

"What." he asked her rudely. She furrowed her brow at his tone. "Really, Harry. Have you been hiding in here all morning?" she scolded him. Harry nodded, looking away from her face. "And you had better not drawn any attention to me being in here." he snapped, looking around the still empty library, wildly. ******************* Here is how it should be broken up:

"What!" he asked her rudely.

She furrowed her brow at his tone. "Really, Harry. Have you been hiding in here all morning?" she scolded him.

Harry nodded, looking away from her face. "And you had better not drawn any attention to me being in here," he snapped, looking wildly around the still empty library. *****

When there is only one speaker per paragraph, the reader doesn't have to stop and figure out who is speaking, as long as the identifying information is kept with the proper dialogue. I realize this is an older story, but it is something to consider for future stories.

"... they found Harry, contemplating on weather or not to drown himself." WEATHER should be WHETHER. They are two different words. WEATHER is the state of the atmosphere, raint, windy, dry, hot, etc. WHETHER is a conjunction used to express a doubt or choice between alternatives.

"... the feast will be starting in five minuets ..." The word you need is MINUTES. A MINUET is a dance that was popular back in the 1800s.

"Ron and Hermione sheared a look ..." SHEARED should br SHARED. Also, be careful not to mix up WERE and WHERE.

"Surly he didn't actually believe it!" The word you need here is SURELY, with an E. SURLY is a different word. It actually describes the way Snape usually behaves - ill-tempered, unpleasant, and frequently rude.

Never the less ... it's actually one word: nevertheless.

It really bugs me how those two think it is fine to borrow Harry's cloak - or anything in his trunk -without asking first. They're very intrusive; well, Hermione is. Ron is just too free with Harry's things, IMO.

Olly from march 17th posts shouldn't be allow to read fanfic. Sheesh, what a moron. By the way great story so far!

Haha! This was absolutely brilliant!

Good story

Fantastic! Just remember to start a new paragraph when each individual person talks.
Keep up the awesome ideas!
L

amazing book!

Nice story. I hope there is actually a sequel.

Lovely story so far. Thanks for sharing!

Wait, so Crookshanks try to eat Ron's pet multiple times, Hermione dismissed it without apologizing but Ron step on her pet's tail once and he is a monster ? What a bitch !

Is Harry even capable of keeping his secret ? He just keeps on mentioning things he shouldn't know, almost calling his teacher Moony or Remus. He really isn't very smart, isn't he ?