For your first Yugioh fic, this was very good. I don't think there's any criticism to give here. The topic was creative and something I've never read before. And I think you kept them in character, so great job!

You did great don't think any less. And this is your first time so it will be rough. Your gonna make a few mistakes here and there but still a write never backs down. I should know and everyone else that does this went through it to. Look at me, I'm 14 and I'm trying to make a 300 or 400 page book. Wish you luck. Bye!

I think this story is amazing. Short, but many Yami(Atemu)Yugi(Yuugi) are. I rather like this story... THAT is why it is on my fav list :D!

Keep writing :D!

I very much liked this story. I beleive you did yami's character very well, yugi was a tiny bit forceful, but that was cute. Thanks for writing this, it makes me happy. You should continue it, PLEASE!

okay, this was a pretty good fanfic, but you might want to smooth things out a little. like with yami. i thought that he had his own body like in many fanfics, but i realized only when he moved his 'translucent' (i spelled that wrong) hand to Yugi that he was a spirit (still). also, yami was shown to be a little dense, but was he playing with Yugi or did he really mean what he said? he also seemed unsure of himself, but it was still good for the situation. and i'm going to ask the question that every fan girl would ask...can you do lemon?

Cute, I really liked the style it was written in and the character reactions.

I really like Yami's bit though, the whole part about Yuugi teaching him to love. It's nice seeing something different from the usually, "We both loved each other and didn't know it? Wow!" I thought it kind of gave your fic more depth than the standard oneshot.

I also enjoyed how shy Yuugi got when asking the questions. It was very easy to feel embarrassed too, plus, it was cute.

The only problem I had, and I could just be incredible dense, was the assignment. Wasn't the whole point of the assignment supposed to be Yuugi finding a wife? I mean, for a girl it would husband, but since Yuugi's a boy it would have been a wife, right? Unless Yuugi already knew he was gay and was purposely searching for a husband...like I said, I could have missed something but this did confuse me a little.

Otherwise, great fic and I'm off to go read more of your work. :)

TL

aw... KAWAII!

This was really cute. Never seen anything like it! Thanks for the read.

Well, you wanted some constructive criticism so I'll give it. First of all, though, I want to say that I did enjoy this. It was kind of sweet.

I did feel that it was a little drawn out, though, where Yami is dodging those questions. I found myself skipping ahead to get to past all the delays. It's good to have suspense but I think that this was just drawing out a part that didn't need to be.

aw! i love it. the characters r right on target. nice job. i hope that u write more of these types!

I really enjoyed your story "Tendencies and Revelations" I thought the characterization was on the mark on both counts. The only thing I could really think of that could be improved on was setting of the scene. It's rather nit-picky of me but I couldn't quite figure out if this story took place in Yuugi's bedroom, livingroom, or what have you. I mean if it was in the living room it could of meant that Yuugi's Grandpa could of walked in...creating more tension...even if he didn't just thought of it being a possible outcome would of made Yuugi more flustered etc. So what I'm saying is setting the backdrop (which in actuallity would of been all it was for this case) helps the reader get a more detailed picture; which in turn makes the story MORE life-like and creditable. It's not like the story suffers from it's lack it's more like 'sharping the picture's focus'. It gives it that extra "oomph!" if you will.

Which would explain why I could never do a drabble! (I ALWAYS end up with at LEAST 300 words! *sigh*)

I hope that little spiel helps. I know I'm always looking for pointers or opinions on how to improve MY work; I just hope this has it's desired effect for you as well.

Toodles!

A new fan by the name of Ashia-Shi~

Hey, I finally made my way over here and of course, fived straight for the YY/Y, haha.

I really liked it. I've been reading a lot of fics here, but most of it is too... sloppy, I guess. Like the writers don't really care about their stores. I think you do, though.

I like your writing-style, for one. It's not purple prose (thank god), and the characters each have their distinctive voice, so that you can't simply exchange the names and have a fic for a different fandom. That's a mistake I see often in fiction otherwise.

I liked how Yûgi have thought out this little plan too find out what he wants, ad that Yami still is too wily to fall for it.

One thing that was a little bit unclear, though, is if Yami only teases Yûgi, or if he really is as dense as he seems. I also wonder if he was interested in Yûgi before, or if he just went with the moment.

And this might just be my preference, and a side-effect of my not knowing canon properly, but I feel like Yûgi's confession is a little bit too articulate; it seems to easy for him to find the exact right words.

On the other hand, I really loved "Frankly, Yuugi wondered what they were smoking." It seemed so typical of him to think it, even if he'd never say it out loud. And it was funny. As was Yami's suprised question about being considered marriage material; I love his reactions throughout, really.

Thank you for a good read!

dun dun dun!

Merk is here.

I lurvle this!

It's super cute!

i can't kick it apart, it was perfectly done! _

This is a very good fic. It is good for your first YYxY.