I swear to God,people on this site are so f*cking rude! You ain't a bad writer

I liked that story. Thanks for this story. I hope there is another chapter out soon.

Gah! More!

That was good

All right. Really not a horrible story. It does need improvement, but flames from bored six-year-olds aren't going to do much. I disagree with the "flamers"...however, I did see the reviews before you deleted them, and several were very structured contructive criticism, not flames. It's hardly mature to delete help when it's given to you.

Get a beta reader. Update your writing program (WORD, etc) with a spellcheck. And do more research. This whole thing sounded like a two-second story. The song was longer than the story itself. There is no background as to why there was a shooting. Delve deeper into the shooters. Are they depressed? Suicidal? Angry? All of the above?

This site is meant for people to view and review stories. Some will flame, but you just have to ignore it. If it becomes abusive, report it. But I haven't heard of many cases of this. Most of us are mature. Even flames can be helpful, though rare.

This does NOT suck. It could develop into a great story. A school shooting is not as rare or random as people think. Not if you really go into the shooters' minds.

I am actually working on something similar, and it will be up by June '06. I don't have a title as of yet, but I am halfway done with the story's plotline. If you ever happen to see it, take a look. My username is true. I'm only anonymous because I'm afraid I'll lose track of your story.

Keep at it! Don't give up!

i think it is really good too, so like a few ppl have said before, i'm saying it again, CONTINUE THE STORY! DON'T LET WHAT PPL SAY GET YOU DOWN! ok?

i know that the kids who attacked the school in colorado were goth, but i can't stress enough that most goths arn't like that. that was just a rare case. don't take it personally. me and my group of friends are the goth crowd at my school. its just that the idiots who did that are the kind of ppl who give goths a bad name. no flame intended if it sounds like one, ok?

very good story! Please update soon.

your story did not suck!

I am interested in where this story is going! Update soon!

CTB~

~Brownie

Well I have just read your authers note and went and checked your reviews to see what you were talking about...kinda harsh but I must say they had a point.

Seeing as you said you are open to helpfull suggestions, I thought I'd mention a few things you could improve on. If you are serious about your writing then I think this website can be a usefull tool, if you choose to pay attention to your reviewers that is.

And I might add, yes I do have stories of my own on here. I usually review anonymously for exactly the things your friends are doing, going and posting negative things on people who criticize you. Really, really immature.

1. Your spelling is not too bad actually, but there are quite a few things you would probably pick up on if you double checked it carefully.

2. There is no character development. You should take the extra time to put in more thoughts and emotions. Reread "The Outsiders" and take note of the things you enjoy about it, all the character development is probably one of them.

3. If you are going to use SE Hintons characters, you need to stay true to the way she wrote them. Darry hitting Ponyboy was a one off thing, not a regular occurance. Yet you have the line "Me and Darry had a fight, I'm just lucky he didn't hit me" as if Darry often wallops him. Doesn't make sense, and you give no reasoning behind it.

4. And that brings us to detail, you need to put in more detail on not just the characters thoughts and feelings, but also the soroundings, the actions of people around them etc. I mean the shooting was described in a paragraph, when an event like that should have so much going on that it takes you at least a chapter. You don't give the reader any indication of the fear, confusion, and panic that would be going on during this event.

5. Your choice of subject is one that should be handled sensitively. If you did put in more of the above (detail, development etc) then you could write it in a way that is realistic, if not exactly believable (a school shooting is overly dramatic in my opionion).

However it is done so quickly and aprubtly, I get the impression that you just thought it sounded like a fun thing to write about and couldn't be bothered with any build up leading into it.

So, if your still reading, I hope I have given you a few things to consider. No I'm not an expert, however the above is simply the basics to a good, readable and believable story.

I hope you do find this helpfull, as I am not intending to discourage you. The fact you have gone to the effort of thinking up a story, writing it and posting it on here is great, but with a bit more effort you could write a story that is really good.

So good luck.

YOU GO GIRL! (I wasn't too lazy to sign in today. I was the anonomous (sp) reviewer 'you'.

I like this story! Don't kill Ponyboy...wow, I haven't thought of the Outsiders since 7th grade...but I LOVED that book and now I remember why! Great job and keep up the good work!

~Brownie

why are you removing all your negative reviews? not cool at all. you should try to learn something. people would respect that.

Well, it's no sin to be a bad writer, but it shows a pathetic insecurity and lack of maturity to remove your negative reviews just because you don't like them.

People who take the time to point out flaws in your story are a lot more credible than a bunch of twelve year old girls who tell you that your writing is just great, in direct contrast to evidence of numerous very serious flaws.

They have the collective literary merit of a turnip, and yet you don't remove those reviews.

How is any serious reviewer supposed to respect that?

If you don't like honest reviews, don't post here. This site is meant for people to review.

If you choose to post here, you don't have any right to tell your reviewers what they can or cannot say about your stories.

Your writing is quite bad on several levels. Structure, grammar, character development, plot development, continuity, believability, respect for canon, and so on. It will never get any better if you listen only to puerile praise, and dismiss real criticim.

You really need to grow up.

Okay I thought that I should check out your story and see how it is (since u told me how that Sutton girl reviewed ur story, i think she's reviewed for me too, so i figured i'd check out what she had said) and I've read the story and let me just say that thought it is not my fav, it is well written. For that person to say such harsh things is just rediculous, don't let it get u down. i'll bet he/she's some 50yearold person who can't eve get of their own house so they read FF and bug people. anways, i liked it... :)

Oh my gosh thats so we allt hought we were going to get shot becacuse some kid made a I found this story is so weird.