Wow... dramatic leave off :) Some paragraphs are a bit long and can be divided a little more and a couple of areas the event's of the tale need to 'strike' the reader harder, but still very good. I look forward to the next chapter

u must rite more rite more dis is one o da best ones ive ever read for ff11 ppls shud rite more bout Dragoons they rock!

Very nice! I'm quite pleased at your wonderful use of description in this chapter. You paint the images through your words, and in all you succeed at making a wonderful story. My only problem now is that more people haven't reviewed this. Hopefully that will change ;) You just keep up the great work and I look forward to another chapter soon!

I sincerely hope you plan to continue this! The only detail that miffed me a bit was possibly the too-mature characterization of Arius (he acted a bit older than six.) But that's no big deal compared to the wonderful descriptions and intriguing storyline thus far.

And Dragoons kick ass, period. _ Looking forward to an update!

This is VERY good. Well constructed, good use of events, only a couple of little bumps here and there that are no more than Typos. Also... North Gate should be Odin's Gate, and East Gate Laviathan's Gate, the proper names. That was the only thing I thought was really wrong. Reading this made me want to get back to work on my own tale from my FFXI game.

Keep up the good work, Vilandil.