There's more fluff in this then a pillow factory!

Great job!

(P.S. This is not a trap!)

I loved it! I really hope you write another chapter!

BEST BlackRoseKite fluff ever! Love every single moment of it!

Wow! Love that story! One thing though, Blackrose's real name is Akira, not Kiri. Close, though! ;)

nice

I thought it was a creative story. I compliment the author for his creativity and his grammer.

Kite is a year older than BlackRose in the story you know that right?

Hi again. Sick of me yet? ; )

Okay. Let's get through the nitpicks first, shall we? Hmm . . . I'm glad you decided on actual Japanese names for the characters. You might or might not be surprised at how many people call clearly Japanese characters Ryan or Jennifer. Kasumi as a surname is a bit of a stretch - and Japanese name order insists that the surname is said before the given name (Sato Manari instead of Manari Sato), but since this story is in English, I'm willing to let it slide.

Let's see . . . spelling, A, grammar, A-. Close, but a few errors here and there. Commas missing, run-on dialogue . . . that sort of thing. For example:

"'Oh good, please come inside, I’ll let Kiri know you’re here.'"

Should be something like (note: artistic license used here):

"'Oh, good - please come inside. I’ll let Kiri know you’re here.'"

Same issue with the lack of one-liners, but not nearly as prominent this time. What IS just as troublesome in this chapter is, again, the stating of things that are obvious or could be said better otherwise. Like:

"Her mother merely chuckled lightly as she excused herself from the room."

Would be better as:

"Her mother chuckled, gracefully excusing herself." Or "making a graceful exit" or something like that. Again, artistic license used.

That's about it. While Kite and Blackrose - excuse me, Madari and Kiri seem a bit out of character, too obvious and vibrant with their emotions, I suppose it may be due to the experiences of the past while. Anyway, nice going. Keep it going, eh?

Not bad. Exceptional, in fact, for the .hack section. Kudos. But I did spot a few errors, one of which is visible right off the bat: lack of structure variety. Almost everything is a long, descriptive paragraph, which get tiresome to read after a while. Not to mention that a good deal of what you're stating in them could easily be given its own line. Why? To create emphasis.

If I stated a whole series of events like this, making sure to add in every detail and minutia along the way until there could be no doubt whatsoever that I was intelligent, wordy and possessed of a supreme vocabulary, then I'm sure that all it readers would be very impressed, but none of the details would garner as much attention . . .

As these lonely six words here.

Romance stories tend to require a lot of emphasis and are usually chock-full of short, but extremely meaningful statements. These, you should set aside from the paragraphs. Even just "She pondered this. Minutes passed."

Also. Kite is easy to write in character, but Blackrose is not. While you've made a commendable job of it, you've got her berating herself, which I can't picture her doing. BR is extremely defensive about even the smallest matters, and her personality is just the type to resist criticism by getting mad at the offender. This does not include herself.

Or so I like to think. : )

Beautiful ending, but you need to stop stating things outright if they don't need to be. A "powerfully passionate kiss", you say? Yeah, okay, I gathered that. You know, from her THOUSAND MENTAL DECLARATIONS OF LOVE and all. Actions speak louder than words, and if you can find a way to avoid stating something outright by implying it instead, go for it. Gives you, the author, less of a . . . melodramatic touch. As for this particular fic, you've already got tons of detail. So you don't need to replace corny statements so much as you need to delete obvious ones. Run through and see what you can find.

That's all for this chapter. Keep up the good work ; ) I hope to read a lot more of your special brand of fluff. God, I'm a sucker for fluff.

I thought that was a great story and If you're not a writer you should be one! Thanks! I really liked it and I hope you write a third chapter

aww awesome fic!plz, continue it *w*

this is a great story you should contine it

The Stories are sweet! Have one where they get caught kissing!

Very good story, I like Kite/Blackrose fics and I hope you write another chapter.

-Knight 2

Hey, you should make a 3rd chapter that had to deal with the party!

-otherwise, good story!