Wtf is mantra, what’s his other quirk, why was he crying ? What on satan’s asshole is going on? Your skipping so many things you might as well call this a quick summary. Mate you have a good concept and creativity but your delivery is horrendous my friend. Try to add a shit ton more details and always remember that the audience most of the time has no clue of what’s going on if you don’t dumb it down. Also your pase is all over the place and by that I mean is so fast you might as well put the ending right next to the beginning. Slow down, what’s the rush.

Wow mate, too fucking fast, since when their relationship got to that point, why is he taking the test, how did he passed the written portion? What’s his powers?

Lmaooo bwahahaha this js amazing

You have a big plot hole in the beginning, you said he is 15 year old but nemuri treat him as little kid saying something like' why he is in yhe street alone' he is 15 years old what's so strange in being alone in the street ? And she is a hero the first thing she should do is got to the hospital to check him and the police to find his parents, but not she simple take him home without caring about anything else this is plain kidnapping a minor

I can't even finish 1 chapter this is so edgy i cut myself by reading it. Its like some angsty emo teen fantasy

Okay, there we go. This was quite the improvement, not gonna lie. There are a few things here and there I have a look at as you progress, but this is me being nitpicky.

Overall good job

Still, you might want to add something in the title or description about this being a rewritten version, just so people know

Been a while since I came by to review one of yours, this one caught my eye because of the Baki feeling I got from the summary.

And then I saw Muscular popping up in the characters tag, which is something very unorthodox. Muscular is somewhat of a underappreciated character, and setting him up as the OCs father makes me curious to see how things will play out in the training camp arc. Kota is a really underused character in this fandom, which many authors (myself included) don't give enough attention to, and you have that window of opportunity perfectly set up.

But I gotta say I'm worried. I could list out the things that are bothering me, but I'd be just echoing what MysteryAgain has pointed out; how overpowered the OC feels and how unlikable most of his traits are, or how you seemingly turned the main character of the story into somewhat of a damsel in distress.

Sure, the OC has his own character arc that you are developing; things can and will evolve from here, this edge might be dulled out after a few more chapters, but we readers can't review the future.

Which is my main concern here: Future. I can't help but point out that since March you have been through about a dozen OC stories. It is hard to get invested in something when I know that the author has a tendency of jumping ship when the narrative doesn't stick. It has become somewhat of a pattern already: bring up a new character with a cool but troubled air about him, flip a coin on whether or not give him a power that borrows from an already established character, pair him up with one of the girls somewhere between chapters 1 through 4, make the OC the main character, try to justify the story according to the reviews, move on to the next project, repeat.

The training camp arc involving a character so closely tied to Muscular sounds like an amazing prospect, but I can't look forward to it because by now I fully expect you to be working on other three new stories in case you give up on this one.

I know it is somewhat of a blanket criticism, but I honestly think you are better off trying to break that pattern. You are only hurting yourself with how things are, and it would benefit you greatly to take a step back to work on a single carefully written plot than on a million okay-ish attempts.

Interesting story! Glad they are okay. They are so cute! Looking forward to the next chapter!

Rising of the Shield Hero and Fire Emblem Fates crossover
Naofumi Iwatani x Female Corrin

So much unnecessary drama, one more chapter this way and I am out of this shit

Wow this chapter is full of drama and the mc being a edgy bastard

Umm it seems the second chapter is just to make the guy who left the first reviews day. Why did ohma have to apologise to bakugou I get the all might apology but he called bakugou out and had to apologise. Yet bakugou is literally allowed to act as villainous as he wants to izumi with no repercussions. It's the same as in the actual anime Bakugou is allowed to be a sadistic piece of shit he attacked izuku after the quirk assessment didnt get reprimanded at all after using his gauntlets when all might said not to. And in this why isnt bakugou is forced to apologise for treating izumi like shit people obviously saw everything and only ohma gets treated like a pariah what alot of crap. Why did you have to follow that guys review anyway it's obvious he didnt like the story. I did love the first chapter second chapter has made me not wanna read anymore. Not that I'm saying dont have ohma grow but what in one chapter hes just completely 180 flipped.

Story is really good! The only inconsistency is the part when he did not know what forgiveness is, yet he had a favorite play? While not impossible, it is very unlikely. maybe if he didn't know how to say sorry? Anyways, keep up the good work!

Hmm... another fan of Kengan huh?

Alright then, this looks promising! Can't wait to see more dude.

so we have to assume he have the same quirk as muscular. interesting