Very nice. I love Marikah's foreboding instincts sprinkled in as she decides to trust her husband. It was a really great touch.

I loved this story. It was filled with vivid descriptions of another world that immediately became real to me. I was transported into The Fey World. Loved the writing!

I really enjoyed your vivid descriptions! It made me feel like I was actually there.

Hello, I'm here from the WA flower challenge. I am fandom-blind.

So, the whole thing about one fictional race being pure evil, and there being an argument about whether or not they are pure evil or they should be given a chance is a really sensitive topic, as it bears some very unfortunate parallels to actual arguments people have made in real life to justify looking upon one race as an inferior to another-but obviously that's not your fault, as I can tell that that's just how the fandom is.

You also have something at the beginning of your story that presents a difficulty for you as a writer, which is that both of the main characters are acting out-of-character in this scene. You state that Marikah normally has a gentle personality, but because readers haven't yet seen either of them being their normal selves, the readers initially have no choice but to take your word as a writer as you tell us what the characters are like: that Marikah is normally gentle, that Dorian isn't the total pig that he seems like in the opening scene. This does get better as the story goes along, but the fact that in the opening scene readers are shown nothing but the characters' "out of character" selves is a pretty hard thing to get around, from a writing standpoint.

The line "You shouldn't judge him before you know him" from Marikah's flashback to defending Dorian in front of her family:

This line sheds some interesting light on the beginning of the story (Marikah's expressions of distrust about the Eld) as you point out yourself just a bit later in the scene, so I like how you are playing with that idea of judging someone without knowing them, with Marikah's willingness to get to know Dorian and see his worth despite his race being used as the thing that changes her mind and brings her to (tragically) give the Eld a chance.

If you stretch "magnificent" just a bit to "rare and special", you have both meanings of your flower included, which is nice. There's also the way that the flower has a particular meaning and a place in the history of these two characters with each other-and then there's of course the fact that the overall interpretation of the "faithfulness" meaning is ironic in this story due to the disastrous consequences that Marikah's faithfulness has. So, your interpretation of the flower is pretty multi-faceted, and I like that, too.

It was hard to see what Marikah saw in Dorian at first, with him acting rather pig-headed and authoritarian in the opening scenes, but as the story progressed, you gradually introduced things that allowed the reader to understand what his good sides were, like his reaction when Marikah decided to trust his decision, or when he was able to convince her relatives to come to the meeting with the Eld.

At the very end-from the summary "Somehow the Elden magic froze all the Fey" to the end, it did feel to me like you were rushing (summarizing) a bit too much, and I would have liked to see that part of the story dwelt upon a little bit more to give it more emotional impact. However, the part where one of the Eld stabs Dorian really does have an impact, despite the fact that the reader knows (from the summary) that it's coming all along.

I also have to say, other than my own this is the third story for the challenge I have read, and both my own and the other two I read before this dealt with some pretty dark themes, but out of them all, yours is the only one that is completely unremitting in the way that it is about a disastrous choice that ends in the death of all the good guys: there is no bright side to it, it's just a train wreck. I would love to see the atmosphere of unease and impending doom developed even more throughout the story, but I respect your willingness as an author to write this kind of story.

Hey, Sara, dropping in from the challenge :)

I don't know why, but every time you do another Tairen Soul piece it makes me happy. Seeing another small fandom grow is wonderful.

Ah, poor Marikah... Knowing the Eld, I suspected that ending. At least Dori didn't get caught up in it. The one TS book I read didn't talk much about the Mage Wars, so I wasn't sure this was that particular incident, but, again, I suspected.

I felt for Marikah throughout this and totally agreed with her that the Eld weren't to be trusted, but I understand her wanting very much to have faith in Dorian and his optimism. After all, I can't say I wouldn't want the same in her situation, but the instant she decided to accept it I was like, "No! Don't do it. It's a trap!"

It was sad to see Marikah's faithfulness turn out tragically, but that's how it works sometimes. People can misplace their faith to their own hurt.

Through everything I've read of yours, you always manage to make me feel strongly for/about at least one character, if not multiple characters. This piece was no exception.

Thanks for another TS piece, and good luck in the challenge.

Dropping by from the WA forum. I'm not sure how I feel about this story, but I surely feel something. One point for you.

What I appreciate the most in your writing style is the way you place descriptions here and there and mix them up well with the action and dialogue.

My favorite scene is the garden one. I like how you set it up with the flowers' scent and all, how you gave your assigned flower a crucial role in the story, and the bees presence, too.

About the characterization, at times I felt like Dorian is a little too perfect, but I choose to believe it's because I'm seeing him through his lover's eyes.

What an ending! So tragic and sad, but at the same time full of love.
I probably should have expected it, given the title and the foreshadowing you put here and there, but I admit the fool me didn't. And I admit also that I'm more used to happy endings, but this felt perfect as it is. Oh, if I only were familiar with the fandom...

Honestly, I hate you a little for making me care that much for your characters, though... on the positive side, I like how Marikha accepted her faith and believed in her husband beyond everything, it makes all more easy to bear.

Good job. Best luck for the contest.

Hi Sara, here from the flower language challenge and fandom-blind, although with the way you write this series, I don't think that's ever an issue.

I really like the opening scene of Dorian and Marikah arguing, and I think the intensity of their fight is a good way to draw in readers. Their dialogue and personalities both come through in a realistic way, and I especially like that rather than making one of them obviously right or wrong, you can see where both of them are coming from. Marikah seems to have real fear of the Eld, and it can be very hard to overcome prejudice when you've been taught it your entire life, so even when she's digging in her heels against the Eld, you can understand her point of view.

I was a bit jealous of you for getting assigned the Bird of Paradise; I have a history with that flower, and it's always been one of my favorites. So I'm glad to see that you incorporated it into the story so well here. I love that you mention how exotic and rare it is, and this flows nicely into Dorian relating it with Marikah. The flashback to their courtship and its parallels to their current situation (her family not liking Dorian just because he's mortal) is well-done and mostly subtle, although I think the "Worthy of her trust..." section felt just a little too on-the-nose.

Wow, what a dark, violent ending, and it certainly took me by surprise. After Dorian talking up the Eld, I thought they really did want to turn over a new leaf, and after getting to know him and Marikah, it was shocking to see them reach their ends so grusomely. I assume fans of the series will see this coming, but for fandom blind readers, it's a pretty powerful twist. Good luck in the challenge!

So, a fandom blind review for a fandom blind review. ;) I have absolutely no idea what this fandom is. However, that doesn't tend to bother me much.

I really liked this exchange: "It's a show of good faith on our part." / "No, Dorian, it's a show of foolishness on your part." It really does a great job of delineating the differences in their positions: Dorian wants to bring the Eld to the palace *because* it's vulnerable in order to show trust, while Marikah does not feel that trust and so wants to keep the Eld as far away from the vulnerable palace as possible.

I feel like there are some places you chose to tell when you could have shown. One of the ones that really stood out to me was in this bit of characterization for Queen Marikah: "'You stubborn fool!' Marikah shouted uncharacteristically. Marikah was a sweet woman who rarely lost her temper, and had never raised her voice in the palace for fear the servants [might] overhear their private conversations." Instead of stepping back and telling this as a distant narrator, you could bring the reader more into Marikah's head and see her reaction through her own eyes. An example might look something like this: "'You stubborn fool!' Marikah shouted. She was shocked by her own vehemence; it was rare for her to lose her temper like this. Even when she did feel angry, she never raised her voice in the palace for fear the servants might overhear something meant to be private. But this was too vital for her to remain calm. 'Even when they appear like friends...'" That way you keep most of the same information but it feels more authentic because it's coming from Marikah herself. And you've actually already set yourself up to do this pretty well by giving us some other glances inside Marikah's head.

In contrast, I like the way you decided to just hint about Marikah's nature rather than tell us outright exactly what she is, referencing her hissing and feeling the urge (though she suppresses it) to claw her husband. I enjoyed the subtlety of it (though it would have been even more subtle, I think, if you had left out the "large, magical cats" bit and relied on the hissing and clawing to carry it, or at least said something more along the lines of "fierce feline power of her tairen ancestors" instead).

The part where Marikah recalls Dorian giving her the bird of paradise was very sweet. I was rather amused at the idea that a particular type of flower that is real in our world would be rarer in their world than Fey folk, but I don't know, somehow that also made it more romantic. And I just love the whole idea of Marikah going through this journey back in time to remember why her husband was so precious to her in the first place and why she had thought him worthy of her faithfulness in the first place. If I remember correctly, marital strife and reconciliation was also a major theme in the other one of your stories I've read and reviewed, and I think you do it quite well once again. The scene where she comes to her husband and assures him of her faith in him was heartwarming and beautiful, and I liked the part about him taking her hand and making her feel safe. Dorian shows himself to be a good husband, as well, in that he's willing to make the extra effort to make her feel safe even if getting her brother and the other Fey there will be difficult. Which just gives her another opportunity to proclaim her trust in him.

I think this line was a bit too obvious: "It was as if the Eld was hiding something." It's clear already that Marikah is thinking this from the previous sentence and the one that follows it, and you don't want to give up the game too soon.

The end of this story was heart-rending, and yet, I also really liked it, I think because it subverted my expectations. I thought it would end up working out, that she would have made the right choice in trusting her husband's judgment, but in the end it turns out she was right all along and everything was destroyed. It's tragic and horrible, and yet, her last thoughts aren't to reproach her husband or to think about how she'd been right. I loved this line: "If this was the cost of faithfulness, she would pay it with her love." She made the wrong choice in putting aside her fears, but not in choosing to trust her husband, even though the end result was the same. I love how you bring that out.

SPAG and Other Nitpicks:
- "Gasping, she pictured all of them killed..." - Not an SPAG thing, but I thought this was kind of odd word choice. I would have expected Marikah to "gasp" when her husband first gave her the news, since that was a sudden shock, but you usually don't "gasp" at an image inside your own head. I think it might make more sense to say she was "struggling to breathe" or "feeling short of breath." It's a minor difference, but it would sound more natural, and it would also connect better with the bit about her heart racing in the previous paragraph, since shortness of breath tends to accompany that.
- "Worst of all was what the Eld may do to her mortal husband." - "Might" rather than "may" is the word you want here.
- "for fear the servants may overhear their private conversations." - Same as above. When you're using past tense, you're more likely to need to say "might" than "may."
- "Taller than all of the buildings was the Cathedral of Light" - You need the word "other" here unless you mean to imply that the Cathedral of Light is not itself a building.
- "Her parent protested that she should wait" - "Parents"?
- "her son, who was far too young to die and her even more vulnerable, completely mortal, husband" - If I'm not mistaken, there doesn't need to be a comma after mortal, but there definitely needs to be one after "die."
- "Galen noted to as the Fey's deadliest blade." - I'm not sure what this was meant to say, but something seems to be missing.
- "His hair was as dark as hers and blended with his black leather clothing and had two swords tied to his hips." - They way this is phrased, it means that his hair had the swords tied.
- "Johr, the Fey king sat next to him..." - Need a comma after "king."
- "shouting 'for the revenge of Slistator!'" - Even though it's in the middle of a sentence, the line of dialogue needs to be capitalized.
- I think I've said something about this before, but you're using em-dashes where you actually need hyphens, which can get rather distracting. Just thought I'd mention it again.

Altogether, nicely done; you made this story very easy to access despite my fandom blindness, and I love your themes of the importance of trust and faithfulness in marriage, even if the path it leads down ends in tragedy. Lovely job!

Hello! I'm Lilly and I'll be reviewing your story for the WA Basic Review Challenge Game Thing. Whoop whoop!

It takes time, for me, personally, to surrender to the flow of a story, but some scenes into yours, I found myself invested. I love good stories surrounding relationships, which is what this is. I found myself expecting a full dinner scene wherein Marikah further balances her faith in her husband with her growing concern towards the Eld (perhaps a few dropped hints before the BAM! of murder). The ending came suddenly and moved fast, which left part of me unsatisfied - like the classic dramatic arch had been broken - but I do see how it sells the surprise of the Eld's murder plot.

I'm rolling fandom-blind, here, so characterisation pretty much goes over my head. However, I can easily say that both Dorian and Marikah felt like actual people; they have opinions and they compromise where they can, reflect and change when compromise ain't an option, like any marriage. I could clearly tell that faith was a central theme of this piece with the Bird of Prey flower as the symbol. Although I cannot compare characterisation with the book series, I can compare characterisation with what was set up at the beginning of the piece, and I must say it remains pretty consistent. Dorian is a the static character here, and through this constancy, he highlights his wife's transformation from beginning to end. The wife, Marikah's, transformation is made believable. They're relationship works well.

There were some minor mistakes in spelling and grammar throughout the piece, but nothing was so drastic that I couldn't move forward from it. Examples include when you wrote "heartbeat", which is a noun, but in the context you used it, it should have been "heart beat" - currently, the sentence has no verb and thus is incomplete. Another example: writing "int" as "into". Simple fixes like that. — Also, the sentence "Buzzing in her ear again, the bee disappeared, and Marikah focused her mind on when Dorian had given her the Bird of Paradise again" has me wondering what picture it is supposed to be painting in my head - is the bee near her ear or flying away? You have a juxtaposition directly after the first statement: "buzzing in her ear" and "disappearing".

I think the plot of the story was interesting. Certainly original. I have no qualms regarding the plot. The pace was slow, but I believe that the slowness set the tone for the piece well. The story has many parts, which means a faster pace would not have done the emotional and plot development justice. Again, the ending felt a little rushed, as if you were keen on just finishing it. But again, I feel like that is more my preference; I can see how it does a great job as a literary device – showing surprise instead of tell.

Overall, I enjoyed the piece. And remember, one person's experience of a narrative can be drastically different from another's.

Happy writing, ~