Reviews for What if he spoke up?
nenopip chapter 1 . 12/10/2019
9
Suzululu4moe chapter 4 . 12/3/2019
Lol the reading material .

It would be hilarious if he had copies at the waiting room when people seek an audience with the hokage
Suzululu4moe chapter 2 . 12/3/2019
Lol an interesting way to meet the parents .

Well she’s definitely the one wearing the pants in the relationship. Haha naruto the blushing bride to her Amazoness.

Hmm though it isn’t strange for one of the top three medics of the nation to personally care for the resident chakra nuke military asset.
Suzululu4moe chapter 1 . 12/3/2019
Good thing his waifu is strong enough to do the heavy lifting around the house. Imagine her bridal carrying naruto into the bed room after the wedding lol
Sishen123 chapter 4 . 11/30/2019
Nice chapter but do you think you will be making them longer at some point because they are kinda short. Don't get me wrong I like the story it just short chapters drive me a little nutty because it's like you just get into the chapter and then bam it's over. But hey I do like the story and hope you make it an epic length like in the six digit word count. Anyway peace out :)
Sishen123 chapter 3 . 11/28/2019
Great start to the story can't wait to read more of this. Personally I I wish the cannon story ended with them getting together because Hinata was just never the best option. But hey cannon sucks just look at baruto. Anyway keep up the great work. Peace out :)
narusakufan1985 chapter 1 . 11/20/2019
This sounds really good. Please continue. Naruto and Sakura forever.
Guest chapter 1 . 11/18/2019
Sakura does not want your fugly self-insert Narhto. Kill yourself, virgin.
Guest chapter 2 . 11/17/2019
I'll leave another review, I hope you don't mind.

Starting off, there are some clear improvements over the previous chapter. The pacing isn't as frantic, making it easier to absorb each scene and fact and move on more naturally. It could be even better, but that can be said of anything. The characters are more believeable, getting closer to how they're portrayed in canon (though not quite the same yet). Dialog is a tad better, coming out more naturally and feeling more genuine to each character. The narration has more details in it and the interactions between characters are more fluid; both of these help make the reading experience not only easier, but more engaging. It's a nice effort of building on the feedback and one that's worth noting.

Now for the criticism. Just to get it out of the way: it makes no sense for Kizashi to be prejudiced against Naruto at this point in the story, nor for him to come around in the span of a handful of lines, but that's just personal opinion and honestly some of the least important things I have to say. On the other hand, the whole "Mebuki and Kushina were planning on setting their kids up in the past" is not good at all. It's much too convenient and just there for the sake of being there. It actively detracts from the fact that Naruto and Sakura got together for their shared history and comes off WAY too wish-fulfillment-esque.
For more technical things, I still believe you would do well to rethink doing your dialog. Not even the content, but formatting itself. As is, it gets lost in the middle of narrative paragraphs and being thrown haphazardly like this might bother some readers. Of course, it's just my opinion, so feel free to do as you prefer. I also think you might have exaggerated just a tiny bit on the all caps on the latter half of the chapter but, given the context it's in, I'm not sure if I can criticize it; just food for thought, I suppose.
Something I didn't touch on last time, but your punctuation is mostly fine; the thing I've only noticed after I started writing this is you don't put a period between the end of dialog and the start of narration. It's very, very minor (I myself only noticed when scrolling back to gather my thoughts for this review), but I might as well point it out, no?
The line breaks for scene changes are a fine choice, but maybe you could write such transitions out in text, make the whole thing feel more like a single whole? This is just an idea, not a disagreement. It's a stylistic choice more than anything.

Overall, I do think improvements were made and I commend you on them. That said, I probably will not continue reading your work and, for all the possible reasons, it's the "would" usage. You did make it clear it's your style and that's absolutely fine. Everyone writes their own way. It's just that it really gets in the way of fluid reading. At the risk of sounding overly flaming, it's very irritating. You do you, but it's something that I think really makes reading your work more of a chore than it should be.

I hope you'll at least take the above in consideration or don't, after all it's just one person's opinion. Whatever you decide, I hope you'll continue improving. Best of luck.
IanAlphaAxel chapter 2 . 11/17/2019
Great chapter!
Rivet94 chapter 2 . 11/17/2019
Fics referencing lady GT doujis is my drug
Guest chapter 1 . 11/16/2019
Where to begin?

First off, the setup is nice. The idea of Sasuke pushing Naruto into action regarding his romantic life has a lot of potential and this one is off to a good start. I think the chapter in general could've been longer and more dramatic, given the somber yet hopeful context. Maybe a bit more introspection into some character's thoughts and/or reactions. For exemple, I can't see Sasuke being so casual, even nonchalant, about being attracted to Karin. He'd act put together, sure, but when it was just him and Naruto his answer was a bit too off for his character.

Next, I'd like to talk about what I disliked. The pace is too quick and leaves the reader reeling from things happening too fast. I get that the author has a good idea of where he wants to go with their story, but the reader doesn't have that kind of insight, so some world-building and more in-depth description of scenes and whatnot are necessary to engage the audience and immerse them into your work, to make them see what you see. Formatting also goes a long way to keep the reader interested in what you have to say. Dialog should be separated from descriptivve paragraphs to give a visual indicator of speech vs. narration. You can have bits of narrative writing cutting into a speech paragraph but, for the most part, they ideally should be kept separate. Each new dialog, for a different character, for exemple, should also get it's own paragraph. It might seem like a detail, but having some organization to your text can do wonders to improve the reading experience.

I'd like to call special attention to vocabulary. PLEASE, lay off the word "would" going forward. Would indicates the near or immediate future and it can be used well for setting up events to happen, but here it's ust thrown out everywhere, enough for it to lose meaning. I'm uncertain if English is your first language or not but, either way, there are better ways to construct your narration. Present tense actually helps people stay on pace with the action, letting past and future tenses jump out as a break in the usual reading and calling attention to what they might be related to. I don't mean to sound mean, but honestly was tiring seeing that word everywhere.

There are other little things such as missed capitalization here and there, misspelling or improper capitalization on others but those are minor nitpicks that just doing a onceover spell check might help curb out, nothing too irritating. Just watch out to keep characters as themselves; should they change in some way, be sure to explain how and why they've changed so as to make it natural and not jarring, but this first step definitely has potential.

Best of luck.
IanAlphaAxel chapter 1 . 11/15/2019
Great chapter!
Orchestra Of Order chapter 1 . 11/15/2019
Hmm
Dobbyhasnomastr chapter 1 . 11/15/2019
The thought of Naruto and Sakura being together is sweet. He would have been better to her than Sasuke and she's so assertive I doubt she would have let him become so distant once he became Hokage.
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