It's improved a bit, but you should still work on some of the spelling and grammar a bit more. For example, in the beginning you start with "Sauron with a deep breath he took in his surroundings." You're putting the subject (Sauron) before the possessive action, which would work if you didn't have a second subject in there (he). You could either rewrite it with Sauron after his first action (With a deep breath Sauron), or delete the second subject verb and have it as it is. There's very little spelling mistakes, but you did misspell Balon as Baleon. If you have trouble with names, just go to the wiki. It always helps.

The sentence structure feels very chunky at times, where there's either too little or too much. Specifically speaking, there are many sentences that can be joined together, and others that run on for a bit too long. Take the ending sentence, "The Smith, Sandor. Wanted a Seax blade." Those are two sentences can easily be broken down into one. If you take away the period it would flow much better than it currently does. One run on sentence was "To feel the heat of the forge." You could break those apart at the second comma.

As a medieval enthusiast, It was an unexpected pleasure to see that you use the goodman term. I think it was used more as way nobles addressed peasants, but it still works here. Unfortunately I don't believe Martin ever used the title of mister in his world as it's too modern. You can use master and missus, or mistress depending on the usage. I believe those were more common terms for small folk to address one another.

Those "guests" have been posting the same comment bullshit all over every GOT and ASOIAF fanfic out there. It's a waste of time and not even a review! Any chance you can do something about the comments?

do more really gooed

I like your story. I hope that you will continue. Sauron is a true genius. People tend to forget that he throught the Second Age primarly acted through deception and cunning. He might easily fool all guys in the King's Landing, Varys, Littefingers are nobodies compared to him :)

I laughed hard at your AN at the top. Lol. Good story so far.

Very interesting

Please don't have Sauron hide his true powers. He is a God by ASOIAF standards. Agent of the Smith, Agent of the lord of light blah blah blah. He can pull his God card to trick the superstitious masses easily.

Viserys is a mad dog by the time we get around to anything he'll bite someone who will realize what had to be done with him not Ol Yeller's fault he's a monster but there's only one thing to be done about it and that's what it is not being a hero or justice or even vengeance

Tywin is an evil man and a terrible father but he is an excellent ruler

Would Lann the Clever be proud

Were there no shortage of men with black enough hearts seems an excessively large investment to slay two children and a sickly woman

Cersei only loves her children as an extension of herself like Catelyn completely incapable of understanding others love their spouses, children, siblings, and parents as much as she does

justice delayed is not justice denied

rules for rulers starving disconnected illiterate peasants do not make good revolutionaries

Tradition must be challenged lest it become stagnant and self destructive

During her time as Queen Rhaella's lady-in-waiting, Joanna had befriended the Princess of Dorne, another member of the court. The Dornish Princess had two children, Oberyn and Elia Martell, who were not yet promised in marriage, so the two women planned to have their children be wed to each other.
In 273 AC, Joanna died birthing her youngest son, the dwarf Tyrion, while the Martells were on their way to Casterly Rock. Once confronted on the subject, Tywin bluntly refused all the offers (Jaime wed to Elia, Cersei wed to Oberyn, or both), and instead offered newborn Tyrion for Elia, an offer meant to be insulting

Everyone but Robert says Rhaegar was something out of a fairy tale kind and wise an incredible warrior and musician The Durrandons were always the greatest warriors in Westeros and Westeros has this idiotic idea that swords are best weapons the end even the Mad King wouldn't harm his own blood that is just how Westeros thinks

I think Shadow would be better than Shaggydog

Stannis was an old man even as a young boy, possibly autistic he excels at war and law but inept at social interaction maybe childlike in that the law is the law is the law the end

The Targaryeans were least among the forty families of dragonlords

Archon was the title for times of crisis ruler of nation elected by lord freeholders

All free men who owned land had a vote in theory in practice old, rich, and/or powerful sorcerous families and the forty families of dragonlords mightiest among them tended to dominate

They allowed freedom of religion as opiate of the masses one day things will get better but didn't believe in any themselves they may have paid lip service however

The Valyrians made slaves work themselves to death in countless numbers

Iron Throne Sword of Damocles to rule is a duty

Not all prophecies are useless, but none are certain, some are just self-fulfilling, and most are vague nonsense. People remember the prophecies that come true, not the ones that don’t

Tied to belief I always thought it was because so many royal families were founded by sorcerers, wargs, and etc.

Magic always has a price you can't mate with relatives and expect much good to come from it, you can only bend nature (even if to pre-industrial peoples is a ruthless and brutal b word before modern medicine and transportation harmony with nature is a city dweller concept) in ways it wasn't meant to bend before it breaks and rapes you back akin to pollution and global warming it's your descendants future generations who answer for your crimes, sins, ignorance, arrogance, and/or stupidity

why is no one is asking why is there a war for one man getting cock blocked because no one wants incest and the problems it brings

We don't inherit from our ancestors we rent from our descendants future generations

Freakynomics crime doesn't pay enough

As a writer, journalism major, and amateur reader of history, Martin knows basically nothing about even basic economic principles. It shows.

Supposedly knowledgeable characters treat Robert and Littlefinger's massive spending as a detriment to a realm, with Ned in particular citing the lack of gold in the royal vaults (as opposed to when Aerys ruled) as evidence of Robert's mismanagement. In real life, loaning and investing money is what a government is supposed to do, and keeping everything locked up is simply wasting it. Robert's investments had a demonstrably great return (Littlefinger increased the crown's incomes ten-fold, King's Landing is more prosperous than ever a mere decade after Tywin brutally sacked it, the Royal Fleet is back to over a hundred war galleys and tens of thousands of men after it got wiped out by a storm a decade earlier and further reduced in the Greyjoy Rebellion, maritime trade is booming to the extent that Stannis can seize hundreds of traders' ships on short notice at the secondary port of Dragonstone), and the debt he accumulated was explicitly not enough that he couldn't easily pay it off (it's stated in the fourth book that payments were still being made on time even in the middle of the brutal continent-wrecking War of the Five Kings), so really, he's the most economically competent king Westeros ever had.

Speaking of loans, a debt of 2 million gold dragonsnetover 15 years to the Iron Bank is treated as a significant burden. Not only does this totally ignore the massive positive effects on the crown's credit of making 15 years of consistent payments, it's also not consistent with previous figures given: Robert could afford to casually give away 100,000 gold dragons as a reward for a jousting tournament, yet a mere twenty times that is supposedly a big deal for a continent to pay off.

The gold dragon in general arbitrarily changes value depending on the chapter. A mercenary fleet under Sallador Saan (29 ships and thousands of men) costs Stannis 30,000 a month to operate, and yet Anguy the archer manages to spend 20,000 in a couple weeks on whores, booze, a nice pair of boots and a good dagger.

Braavos is somehow a significant trade city despite being totally isolated from all known trade routes. Its position on the map roughly parallels that of St. Petersburg, Russia (far in the northeast with the only convenient sea connection being to the North), for a city that's supposed to be in the position of Venice, Italy (which was located at the heart of the Mediterranean and Europe in general).

The Twins are supposed to have made the Freys very wealthy, due to giving them the only overland route to the North, ostensibly a major trade node. Ignoring the North's lack of tradeable goods due to its poverty or the fact that it's a thousand miles through taiga and swamp from the Twins until you reach the nearest city, a miniscule amount of trade in the medieval era took place by land (less than 10%), so control over this point should really offer the Freys very little.

Tywin Lannister is somehow the richest man in Westeros because he owns many gold mines and has produced vast quantities of gold for literally generations, and yet he has more objective wealth than Mace Tyrell, who controls a population three times as large and produces most of the realm's food, in a world where winters can last for years and where storing vast amounts of food for winter is the difference between life and death. The Lannisters also never seem to suffer the logical consequences of churning out limitless amounts of gold for over a thousand years, which would be hyperinflation and a drop in value of said gold (cf. the result of the Spanish stumbling across an effectively infinite supply of silver in the form of the New World).

Slaver's Bay sustains itself by buying slaves, training them, and reselling them. Given that they must pay for at least a decade of the slave's shelter and provisions, this is completely impossible. Particularly for the Unsullied, which are raised from childhood and have an 80% death rate in training.

Dull is the blade of the lazy warrior hesitate to call a warrior at all, a blowhard and a braggart perhaps but a warrior I think not

No fight is ever truly fair the opponent of one or an army will have better arms or armor, training or experience, tactics or strategies, or skill and talent, more comrades, or just luck

I think Ironwood ships Fleet would be cool and Black Harbor (perhaps dragonglass) for Western Coast of North rebuilt fleet

Moat Cailin rebuilt

Snowlands, Rock/Hill Lands

If not afraid than not courage just stupidity

armies of their chimeras dragon/wyvern/wolf/shadowcat/avian/snakescorpion tails/fauna/crusta/floramen and wood(straw/leather scarecrow)/stone(gems)/magma valyrian steel golems(giants/Titans) with swords tridents and shields electoo finger laserguns that would be better workforce and soldiers

Beskha and Amaya

Would like to see revolution by blue wizard for Easterlings and Haradrim

consider that Tolkien thought Samwise was the real hero of the story, and he was the son of a gardener

The Easterlings and Haradrim allied with Sauron. In a world in which the sides of good and evil are very obvious, and in which evil's ultimate goal is blatantly to enslave the entire world, and in which Sauron has shown himself over the course of many, many centuries to be treacherous and only out for his own power, what country made up of free-willed people chooses to fight for Mordor? It's not like even Sauron's human allies would benefit in the event of his victory, and unless they were all completely idiotic it's not like that fact wouldn't be very, very obvious from the start.
We the readers, and the protagonists know of Sauron's treachery and malice because the characters in question are the descendants of elf-friends, having learned Truth and bearing the knowledge of Númenor and the elder races. Not all men are so fortunate to have such teachers. Men who are not descended of the Edain, living far from the northwestern coast, have only their own experiences to go by. They were seduced into the service of Morgoth in the first age, and if they ever received any instruction from the Ainur after the War of Wrath, it was forgotten to the years. Sauron is the greatest Power they know of, and has likely lied to them to convince them that he is the only great Power that exists, and as their God-King, they have no choice but to obey him. Sam himself wonders at one point what lies they had been told to take them so far from their homes to die in battle — so even the characters know that the "evil" men are merely being deceived on a national scale.
Every temptation in the book is stronger to the characters than it would be to real people. Without being able to feel the supernatural forces behind them, the allure of the One Ring seems easy to ignore, and the voice of Saruman as he tries to convince Théoden to switch sides again just sounds silly.
Also, note that at least some of the human allies of Sauron had really big trouble with the "good" nations, especially Númenóreans and their descendants, due to the colonialist arrogance of the latter. Remember for example Dunlendings that were driven off their lands by the Rohirrim. So, in the opinion of the Haradrim, joining evil Sauron was the least evil — think Finland in WWII or the numerous volunteers from Ukraine who fought alongside Nazis even though they knew that the Nazis considered Slavic peoples as inferior to Aryans.
The Men of the East in particular have an excellent excuse to side with Sauron: Númenorian treachery during its height, as it is said men of Númenor sacrificed Easterlings in great number in the sacred name of Morgoth. No wonder they're still pissed.
There's also the point that Sauron is the greatest Power still active in Middle-Earth, even without the Ring in his possession, and the East in particular is his territory, with nothing that can even challenge him. Even if the Men of the East knew Sauron for what he was, they might well have decided it was better to live as Sauron's slaves than die (and condemn their families to death) by defying him.
"It's not like even Sauron's human allies would benefit in the event of his victory." Actually, they probably would. Sauron doesn't want to destroy the world, he wants to rule it. And he can't be everywhere at once. He's going to need lieutenants, kings and lords and princes under him to rule over his various territories, and they would probably enjoy a decent level of power and a fairly good standard of living.

Although it's fairly subtle, there's a good case for to be made that the text encourages diversity, internationalism, and openness to others while rejecting isolationism and xenophobia.
The Fellowship itself is in essence a Multinational Team with representatives from numerous races and places, all of whom have different specialties, points of view, etc. They are also helped by still other people who are not present in the Fellowship, (elves from Lorien, ents, Tom Bombadil, men from Rohan and Ghan-buri-Ghan's tribesmen, etc.) without whose help the quest would have certainly failed.
Every time someone from the "good guy races" acts in a xenophobic manner or follows isolationist orders against outsiders, it gets called out as stupid, counterproductive, and helping only Sauron.

At first glance the Shire seems like it's being held up as a paragon of Arcadia, but there's also a fair bit of criticism of the Shire: the Hobbits living there are quite small minded, ignorant, and provincial, which makes them easy marks for Saruman when he chooses to set up a tin pot dictatorship there. (With the most small minded, ignorant and provincial hobbits generally being the ones most likely to turn into Saruman's lackeys, ala Ted Sandyman.) When the Shire needs to be saved from Saruman, it's not the good old hobbits who are uncorrupted by foreign influences and the outside world who do the saving (or at least lead the charge) it's the ones who have experience in the outside world and have forever been changed by its influences and their experiences in it. When the Shire needs to be rebuilt after Saruman is defeated, it isn't made more beautiful and wonderful than it was before by going back to the way it was, (or by trying to reject outside influence and become more Shirish or properly hobbitish) but because Sam uses the gift of Lady Galadriel to introduce new trees and plants that had never been present in the Shire before. The story even goes so far as to have Gildor, an elf noble, rebuke the isolationism of the Hobbits, pointing out that however much hobbits try to isolate themselves in the Shire they are still part of a larger world that affects them regardless of how much they try to ignore it or remain separate from it. In the divided and increasingly xenophobic and isolationist days of the early 21st century, there is certainly some food for thought and resonance there. Frodo: I knew that danger lay ahead, of course; but I did not expect to meet it in our own Shire. Can't a hobbit walk from the Water to the River in peace?
Gildor: But it is not your own Shire. Others dwelt here before hobbits were, and others shall dwell here when hobbits are no more. The wide world is about you: you can fence yourselves in, but you cannot forever fence it out.

Masculinity isn't defined solely through raw strength. Plenty of conventionally manly characters are shown crying, displaying physical affection with each other and can appreciate both nature and the arts when they're not fighting for noble causes.

The Orcs, helped by the fact that Tolkien was worried about the implications of the Always Chaotic Evil trope (that he detested) and apparently intended for them to be Proud Warrior Race Guys serving Sauron only because of his power over them. He had actually planned to have Frodo meet some helpful Orcs but hadn't figured out where to work their scene in. He would have introduced this part of them and expanded their role in future editions too but passed away before

Melkor's fall was not based on his desire to create life, but his desire to control the life he created. Compare his experience with that of Aule, who also sought to create life, but since he did it without selfish intent, he was forgiven and his creations, the Dwarves, were give true life of their own. Evil intent is defined by the attempt to bend life to your own individual will.

Note that both Sauron and Saruman were originally servants of Aule before they turned to evil. They were both craftsmen, skilled at making things. The temptation to enslave others, to take a creature with a will of its own and bend it into a mere thing to be controlled, is particularly strong in those who are builders. Aule himself is able to resist this temptation, because as a pure Artist he takes joy in the act of creation, and has no desire to impose his will over anything or anyone. It's not evil to create, even to create life

Mordor has large fertile areas offstage where food is grown, thus explaining how Sauron's armies survive in the volcanic hellscape around Barad-dûr. The Ring is also more than just a convenient MacGuffin — its effects matter too much for that. This is largely due to the immensely elaborated Back Story and Tolkien's life-defining experiences in The Great War.

There were, though, some tropes J. R. R. Tolkien couldn't justify to his satisfaction, not helped by the fact that he updated his mythos constantly over a period of decades, creating a minor Continuity Snarl at times but never quite reaching the Shrug of God. He spent years trying to decide how orcs could be Always Chaotic Evil without being born evil or soulless — since Eru would not give creatures inherently evil souls, on moral grounds, Morgoth was unable to create souls, and Tolkien believed anything without a soul would be a mere animal — but he never found any answer he liked. It was philosophical niggles like this that stopped him from publishing The Silmarillion in his lifetime. His son Christopher did it posthumously, to the delight of all Tolkien scholars, and most of his readers

Lion of Night Maiden of Light

Interesting story so far. Too bad Sauron doesn’t have much time before the war begins to gain influence in the seven kingdoms. He’d be running the place in a few years if he had the time.

One things I’m curious about is how the gods will be treated in this story. In LOTR the gods/archangels are very much real and aren’t opposed to intervening here and there. Now that Sharon has arrived in westeros will the gods (presumably the valar or their servants) decide to intervene a bit in mortal affairs?

Oh I really like where your story is going

Ohh. Me likes that. Saudi the smith... Greater then the Valyrian's own smiths ever were

Nice start

nice you update this story, please continue