is back new account liking what I'm reading . Juane is definite going AU in character will he still have A thing for Pyrra? It took me awhile to get back into reading this .

so his home fell apart because he wasn't there ... ANOTHER cliché ... is there anything original in your story ?

the moment he gets out he is attacked ? yeah way too forced of a plot ... i really don't get how authors think such blatant use of "coincidince" would be believable ... everytime this stuff happens all i think is "well there goes another story down the drain of "IT HAS TO BE DRAMATIC NO MATTER WHAT""

you could have cut this chapter in half word wise and been able to explain what happened just as well ... this is so excrutiatingly detailed i fell half asleep reading this ...

Good story, definitely worth a review. Thank you for the read.

Velvet swearing in this chapter felt ooc.

deadass yea I been playin allergies or corona

I came back to this story after i saw you had a sequel going, and I had to slog through the chapters for the start of Beacon and remembered why i dropped it. After i got a few chapters past that I started really enjoying it and you did a good job with Revanism Jaune. I like your characterization of everyone else. Its the little things you added like mannerisms and language. Too many authors use super tame language but i remember as a teenager I, along with everyone around me, had a foul mouth. I like how you had your butterfly effect change Weiss and Yang and Blake. However i think Pyrrah was just bad here. To preface, i don't care about the ship. Ill enjoy anything as long as its written well, but reading I felt like Pyrrah was a completely different character. In Cannon she is timid and overly nice/polite and a pushover outside of combat, and i couldn't really find a reason for her to completely flip her personality. I think she should have been a side character and you could have used other girls for a companion/foil for Jaune. Ruby to give him a moral compass and for him to struggle against his Sith training. Or Weiss to try and force more proper etiquette and structure and he could clash with her on homework or whatever, etc. You could probabally find a reason for them to skip on Pyrrah for the Maiden to keep that sub-plot. I just feel like the parts with her felt OOC and contrived and ended up falling flat. We're supposed to care the characters and I was tense reading the part with Weiss breaking her arm, and gasped when Yang went down from the lightning, and was even rooting for Blake to wake up during the Vault Fight (and i hate that character in cannon and 90% of stories) but when Pyrrah got wheelchaired I didn't even care and was more interested in her as an excuse for Jaune to go all wipe-out-a-sand-people-village angry rage.

Anyway thats my 2-cents. Great story I enjoyed it and look forward to where you take the sequel.

I was wondering how the group dynamic would change due to jaune's strength. Figured they'd breeze through initiation. Instead it kind of feels like the others have been heavily nerfed to compensate. The invincible girl needed saving from an injured alpha and Jaune implied that ruby would've died from a fall she easily handled in canon. Maybe he just underestimated her but Ruby didn't correct him. I normally wouldn't complain but it feels like both those things happened just to give Jaune an excuse to show off which feels a little Mary Sueish to me. Still a great story so far.

No just no more force sensitive, an it stupid to brag about your lightsaber it can be his secret weapon or something. And i get that witcher reference

Lol i forget he have saber

Booooo when lightsaber? (And i hope you wont give it to someone else cuz lightsabers for force users only) and i hate polearms

If this wasn't a Star Wars fanfic I would've dropped it because I didn't like the mc. The blaming himself thing was seriously annoying to read. As it is the crossover is carrying the story :/

Hi there

So book one is done, and Pyr is alive, I wonder if Jaune knows that Revan became a Jedi again, will that change his views?

Anyway, keep up the great writing and stay safe!

I certainly think you stuck the landing well. The fight scene last chapter was great and this chapter certainly sets up future events well. As for my earlier comments, I did feel things were off but clearly thinking you'd lost motivation was a mistake. Maybe the pacing felt off to me for some reason. Either way, nice finish and I look forward to the sequel.