You did a okay job in the beginning, but the story really seemed to drag along. What I mean by that is, you should try and move the story along faster.
I would also watch for punctuation mistakes and try to make it clearer what the setting of each scene is because it is very hard to understand at times.
But it is still a good short story and you should definitely keep writing.

i've just finished watching inception, and immediately came here to find some good fics. i absolutely love your first two chapters and can't wait till you update next!