Good luck.

How did I only see this now? Man, I absolutely loved your original story, hopefully you update this one soon (or at least give us an update in how's the chapter going). Good luck with this story and in real life! I can't wait for you to continue this!

I loved the plot twists... Please continue the story... You are an amazing writer!

Great opening for the 'Reboot' of this story, Ash being grown up and married and living on New Island with a HUGE upgrade to it so it has all those different area types for his pokemon to roam around easily, I can't wait to see what you got planned next.

Excellent start man, excellent start.

More please!

I hope someday you start this story. Since I liked the first version, since I think this story is more enjoyable than the anime itself, since the latter seems a disappointment.

Please update other story soon?

Great to see ya back look forward to what you come up with.

Great to see a comeback to this story, followed to see where this new version will lead us. Awesome to see you back

Orange-red dragon like? That's gotta be Charizard. Granted, I'm surprised you've started another fic. Does this mean that your other fic of (I believe) the same title is permanently discontinued?

Is this the reboot? Cause you were f&%#ing amazing. Can't wait to possibly see this all over again.

Cya soon

Seriously Reeds just go ahead and rewrite the story if you don't like it.

Hey! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If anything comes off as harsh, I promise that I’m not intending to be. I’m just trying to help us all get better by giving advice and maybe I’ll learn something in the process. Feel free to disagree with some of my interpretations (or misinterpretations) and don’t be afraid to let me know why!

You begin the story with “I watched from above,” but don’t give much of a sensation of height. Sometimes a story will give a hook like this, but it usually includes strange details, like being stranded somewhere high up and/or being followed by some detail that incites curiosity or concern so as to grip the reader from the get-go. As it stands, you have the character dive underwater right afterward, so I don’t really see the point of being above something (the assumed is in the sky) or how the protagonist is presumably flying or how he dove underwater easily from that position. I know you give some explanation at the end, but the reader needs to feel the flow of everything from the get-go. Make sure that your transition of movement is fluid, even if just with one's eyes. I give an example for such fluid movement later, where Ash(?) looks past a beach and a few other things before settling on the tower. I include rewrites because I think that they are very helpful; I learned from copying other styles and integrating mechanics from their sentences, and I think that it's just helpful overall to have an example of what I'm talking about. It's not meant to be "this is exactly how you should do it."

Where exactly is the character in relation to the shore or sky? Make sure to be extremely specific about scenic details. You can describe environments beyond just stating what they are as well: for example, “grasslands” can become “large swaths of tall, pale-green grass that swayed in the wind. Occasionally, a strong breeze would blow, and the plains would ripple as though the many blades of grass formed a wave as the wind blew across the solid earth.”

Avoid phrases like this: “All around it was a town that resembled Alto Mare” or “gothic” or “Greek.” Don’t rely on your readers knowing what a specific real-life location looks like. I, for one, have no idea what Alto Mare looks like. If you are feeling as though you need more details to set the scene better, it’s better to just describe everything more fully, down to the shingles on the roofing, the styles of the people’s clothing, how warm or cold it is, if it is a breezy place or not. You can have a lot of fun with this, actually. You don’t have to have a macro view of the city to get a good feel for it. A more intimate approach works better more often, in my opinion. Here, look at this (I’m assuming your protagonist is Ash, seeing the Pikachu – but you might want to make that clearer as well):

“Ash dug his toes into the amber-white grains of sand that surrounded [insert city] Bay. He relished the sensation of the cold under-beach that chilled his hot toes. The sun over the city blazed a brilliant yellow, and glowered before the small cloud-cover that occasionally enveloped the people of X City Bay below in a spot of momentary shade. An electric-yellow pikachu beside him did the same with his front two paws, letting out a contented squeak as he did so.

X City Bay, like most tropical places, was very hot, and Ash already had his fill of the oppressive heat that radiated from the beach. The clouds above had begun to shift again, and the beach shimmered with the hazy fog of heat. Ash slipped a pair of bright-blue sandals over his now-unburied feet, calling for Pikachu to join him as he sought refuge from the muggy weather. The city was a bit cooler, with tall, sloping rooftops that ended in long planks of decorated wood that cast long shadows for its people to rest beneath. Common among the decorative paintings that painted the grooved wood an emerald green was the image of an impossibly long, coiled serpent.

Ash focused his gaze past the rust-red gates of the town, past the people with their loose gowns and t-shirts, past the clamor of restaurants capitalizing on the heat, with servers calling out the prices for coconut-milk sundaes, past the tall wooden hospital with a large red cross emblazoned on its front side, and to the colosseum-tower in the center of the town. Only a few half-gargoyles’ silent vigil, their heads chipped off from some past injury or the cracks in their unfurled wings, betrayed its age.

The tower was hollow, with a large courtyard in the middle that once served as an arena in which battles between trainers served ceremonial and political importance. There, battles would settle disputes or to honor the great emerald serpent who slumbered high above the courtyard, in a room visitors were not allowed to lay eyes upon.

These days, the courtyard was a tourist attraction, where tour guides would instruct guests in the traditional prayers of worship for the massive serpentine pokemon that had, for centuries, rested peacefully atop the tower.”

End of possible rewrite. In that blurb, you can kind of get a sense for the culture of the place, as well as give more scenic descriptions. You can even fit plot details in there, like how the tour-guides look nervous if the people ask if the creature had awoken, or if it might soon awaken.

You switch environments a lot. I would stick in one a bit more and flesh it out. Describe what the pokemon look like – don’t be afraid to use their names, but include some detail that separates them from a pokedex entry, like a cut, a missing fin, a crack in an anchor, a few uneven teeth, and so on. Make 'em unique.

Maybe follow the POV of a pokemon in one of those environments? It would give you a chance to see things from a different POV, which provides opportunities for interesting sights, like the jerky motions of a seaking flitting about. What limitations does this presumed projective power have? Perhaps the protagonist could see through the eyes of another creature, but not be able to influence its journey, which would explain a possible jerkiness of motion for an aquatic creature or the languid gaze of a flying-type pokemon as it scans the ground below for prey.

I would think about starting at some other part in the story, or have Ash ponder vaguely over some aspect of his life journey that can still provide friction and drama and questions as for what the heck happened (ie, not just stating that there was a war). The phrase “I could do without that war though…” seems a bit off, anyhow. I would avoid asking rhetorical questions narratively, for the most part. They can be used well, but I’ve only seen them be used most effectively in humorous quips concerning something going on right then and there (like the beginning to a chapter, asking why X had thought that poking a sleeping snorlax would be a good idea, followed by being chased by said snorlax. Always have the flow of the action answer the rhetorical question; do not answer it literally). I wouldn’t use it to advance a story’s overall plot.

You make an effort to include details as to what kinds of pokemon are in the area, but I think it can be expanded upon. As a side note, when you use words like “fish,” which are obviously what pokemon like goldeen and remoraid and such are based on, remember that the term refers to animals, not necessarily pokemon, as the games don’t really have a super-convenient classification system. The game does center around ten-year-olds for the most part, so I imagine taxidermy isn’t exactly a priority for them, but when writing, all these small details have to be kept in mind. If you are going to use a term like “fish” and adapt it to the world, it might be a good idea to introduce what that means, like a brief description of water-types with fins, for example, so that it’s more clearly understood. The reader gets what you’re implying, as the pokemon were based from real-world fish, but as this is a fictional universe, a lot of thought insofar as to what the disconnects between common lingo here and common lingo there might be, needs to be given.

Your grammar is good; I would take a look at this sentence here and think about adding a comma instead of making an entire sentence devoted to stating that a character spoke to something though: "‘Wake up Pi." I spoke to it.’” Just "said" works best in most cases in you do decide to conjoin the two sentences.

I use the lowercase of “pokemon,” as that makes the most sense grammatically. Don’t be fooled by writing programs like Microsoft Word. Easily recognizable words in a franchise (or the franchise itself) are often capitalized, but that’s on Earth, not in the pokemon universe. Remember what I said about keeping terminology disconnects in mind. It’s a bit tricky, but all those interlocking pieces are what make or break a story’s believability. On a similar vein, I recommend using capitalized pokemon names only when they are being used as a pronoun. “Pikachu,” as opposed to “The pikachu wearing Ash’s hat,” for example. Such programs are a little annoying in their auto-formatting, so be wary of that as well. I had to undo the auto-capitalization for more than a few words just in the time I spent writing this; I think you can turn off or edit auto-formatting though.

As a whole, I would think about starting at a different point or ask yourself what the story could gain from an older perspective. Drama stems from the ability for something to go wrong, so explicitly stating that the protagonist lived a good, long life early on kind of nixes most of that. You could have him pondering over some dark and ambiguous event instead, wondering where it went wrong, or some more uncommon way to stir curiosity, should you decide to keep such an intro, perhaps. Everything in a story has to serve a purpose.

Focus on specific details as opposed to the form as a whole (the dirty, matted fur over the four legs of a pokemon as opposed to just stating that it had four legs and was furry for example). Don’t use terminology specific to a universe that isn’t of that universe, even if it’s from the real-world, from where people read about said fictional universe.

And that’s a wrap! Feel free to PM if you have any questions, comments, or concerns. I’m here to help!

Quite a nice detailed prologue. Does this mean you're back? And while I'm at it, I would like to apologize to you, Nateman, for being rude and inconsiderate. You may not remember, but I once made fun of you, and the life you live outside of FF. That was years ago. Hope you can forgive this once foolish individual.

espere esto por mucho tiempo... porfavor continualo