WOW fan fic author "mr grimjaw" wrote a fantastic sotry titled "lives in slavery" that really depicts the harshness of racism in our culture! I.f you support #blacklivesmatter then check it out!

I must say it is better then this sotry by QUITE a bit! Maybe stop by and leave a review too but dont h8!

Damn those so called friends are snakes. And nice chapter man I'm really loving it

I'm really loving the sections involving Kelly's past, and if they are your past, then I want to say that I'm glad you made it through all of that!

Good to see characters getting sense knocked into them, even better to see our main character sit that other character down and say "this is dumb" before fixing their relationship. With further impact as we just got a scene in which the main character did the opposite where instead of confronting the situation just left it to hang which inevitably ruined the relationship. I really feel it makes a character when they can actively resolve a situation as a participant rather than an observer and just wait for the situation to resolve itself, gives the main character a sense of agency and endears us to them making it a more enjoyable ride through the story. But on that note I do feel the need to bring up how odd that flashback sequence was. While this story is purported as being a self-insert and while i don't know if the flashback happened verbatim in the real world, it still felt a little too "trope-y" for me for a lack of better words. With the main character being actively assaulted by another student and having the best friend character twice in the same day have a real heart to heart moment which just feels forced in the situations that its placed into. Then we immediately whiplash ourselves into a terminally ill grandfather which all together just compounds all this into having a break neck pacing which really doesn't give us opportune time to really let each event sink in making all this have a greatly lessened impact. Now i understand its a dream so clearly sensibility is lost and then i also understand this could have been a real event or day that happened, I'm just more so saying that it could have been paced or written a touch better, a little more time in the oven to give the scene some set dressing that would also build up the confusion of why were in this setting in the first place and to help with the odd pacing. Overall i still liked the chapter but wasn't one of my favorites, normally I'm not a fan of flashback sequences but at least this one had direct relevance in the immediate plot with the comparison between two sets of friends with two different outcomes that build up our main character as having actual growth between the times which earns it some points. Definitely didn't ruin the chapter by having a flashback though, it still pushed the story forward and definitely wasn't the worst I've read so I'd call it a success. Looking forward to more my good man

Just letting you know I still absolutely love this story and thank you so much for updating it 3

excellent work on this chapter and happy anniversary :)

Ohh man, guess it was inevitable that he'd meet Blackbeard. Anyway, interesting approach to go the way of White beard, a lot of interesting characters there and hopefully he'll be able to avert some tragic events.

sigh

ohh backstory time

I have to say that when your fruit was revealed I was disappointed, I did not expect too powerful a fruit either but if one that gave illusion I would have given it a power like that of Bakugo from (My Hero Academy) but now that I think about it, the fruit, I hope you are smart in how you use it in battle so that you are not a Usopp

Oh that ending was unexpected

Well now, we've got devil fruit experimenting, more backstory explanations and even an accidental ruining of a friendship oh me oh my my. Now just straight into the meat of the chapter i did enjoy the decent explanation of devil fruits powers and their usage as he is pretty on the nose with how each power can affect a person and then how each person utilizes each power. Not a whole lot of stories really go into the theorizing and brainstorming about the powers they've been given if they're given one at all so im liking this train of thought assuming that it continues of course. Definitely looking forward to theory crafting, strength growing, and generally just full hog jail breaking his devil fruit later down the line. And while the other brief snippets of character interactions were all done well lets just be frank there is a massive elephant in the room, which while the obvious explanation would be he is sleeping there are a billion and one explanations that are feasible for whatever the hell he is doing right at the end there so it surely builds up a mystery to hell and back. I can't even properly theorize about what the ending is since its just so out of left field that its a slap to the face and before you can comprehend whats going on the story ends, so i can safely say im am more than looking forward to the next chapter my man. You really knocked the socks off your ending game if you started busting out the big guns when it comes to cliffhangers

Wait what? I wonder what this memory/dream will be about. Amazing job on the chapter, I loved it!

excellent work and glad to see kelly learning but how did she get back home?

Huh, WHAT the, is, is he dreaming, or is all that's happening to Kelly in OP was the dream. What is the dream, which is the dream, are both even really real, is this an inception on a dream, a dream within a dream, is he even alive, is this but a figment of an imagination by the whim of a dying man's mind unable to accept the fact that he is drowning, is he even there, is he even real.
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