Go suck a dick, you spineless jobless cocksucker

I was hoping that you'd improve as a writer since Saiyan Unleashed.
However, after reading this, it's clear that you haven't changed at all.

Note: these kinds of stories? The "loser main character becomes an edgy badass" not only are they painfully simple to write and just plain awful, they are childish. Naurto does not come off as a badass, he comes off as a whiny, selfish, psychotic murderer whose pain is so much more important than anyone else's.

Jiraiya is even WORST, lacking any of the charm and character he normally has. Also, way to completely invalidate Naruto's growth. Going from an annoying, attention craving kid to Konoha's most respected hero, the bonds he forged with Iruka, Team 7, and many others.

But hey, who needs good character writing when you have violence, death, blood, and sex right?

Your format has improved somewhat, but it still has many of the same issues as Saiyan Unleashed.
Also, the random use of certain Japanese words: Gaki, Baka, Ero-Senin, Hime) Yeah, don't do this.
You can KIND OF get away with Ero-senin, but the other three? No. It's just extremely painful to read.

Then there's the ending, which is, arguably, the worst part of this story. Instead of showing up everything happening in real time, it's just a flash back with a weak description of what's happened?

That is Tell, don't show and it's LAZY. If you really wanted to make this a one shot, you should have ended it after Naruto left Jiraiya to die. If you really wanted to show this off, then you should have, at the very least, made it a two shot. This ending is rushed and terrible.

Also, how is Shikamaru okay with what Naruto has done? Unless I missed something, he and Hinata where the only Rookies to survive. Which means, Choji and Ino(Shikamaru's teammates and BEST FRIENDS) are dead, too? Shikamaru would hate Naruto for the rest of his life and plotted his revenge, shrug it off and go sleep with Temari!

Same with Hinata! She would NOT be okay with Naruto's actions and would undoubtedly call him a monster and try to stop him. You really don't have a solid grasp on any character in this series, do you?

Much like before, this was nothing short of terrible. Flat, flanderized characters, text walls, and a rushed, lazy ending. I'm probably call this (slightly) better than Saiyan Unleashed if only for your improved format(and the fact that it's a one shot), but it is by no means, a good story.

I suggest reading actual books or, failing that, actual GOOD fanfic. Because it's clear that, whatever you read to inspire you to write this, were just as awful.

Awesome

Well. I hope itachi gets revenge on naruto for killing his brother and everything he had done for the leaf. His best friend, Shisui uchiha's sacrifice and his final wish to itachi. Then again, Im sure minato is rolling in his grave so that should be enough

Naruto’s gangster

That, was...

AMAZING!

Good job! Konoha is a deplorable village. I feel a little bad for Kakashi but meh.

good story

So who were his loved ones in the village that Naruto saved?

You have consistently been of the better authors I read over the years, hats off to you once again lad!

you know i would love to see minato's, kushina's and the biju's reaction's to this

Great story I really liked it good job writing the story.

I don't think I would normally like a story like this, but I did. Now I have to search for Naruto revenge fics!

great xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Love this. I always love the plot of naruto hiding his true skillls in order to enact his grand plans