This is really awesome! Can't wait for the next one!

Can you write more? I enjoy this alot! Super interesting!

I likey likey.

It's sad that the update stopped but I hope you nkow that the story is great

Hi! So, I have been waiting for a while for a Wakfu Self-insert, so I have to say that it makes me very happy you decided to write one! I like the way your characters interact, I think it’s pretty accurate, and the way you narrate the way through the story is really good. This story is really good. Good job! It really makes me happy.

Yay I thought you had abandoned this fic but no! I love this fic and it’s very good hope you continue ️

I hope to see more this is fun
and I look forward to see when the others come

Hmm. How do you hire these ambitions? Is there a website or something? ;)

First of all: it's Tree of Life - capitalise both words, since it's a proper name. "both of our mothers forbade us respectively" is a bit clumsy - try "we had been each forbidden from that by our respective mothers". Pay attention to your tenses - you're mixing them again.

Ah. You do know we've just painted this fourth wall, do you? (Also - don't put author's comments in parentheses, save them for the end of the chapter, because it's distracting). I'm not sure about taking a hydraulic ram to it - but it's your creative choice to make her/him Lost in TV Land.

Mind that you stick the commas to the previous word, like this, and not to the next, like this ,because it's ugly. "The next couple of years moved by in a simple schedule" - hmm. I'm not so sure about this. "Passed" seems a better verb, but other than that - I can't pin it down.

"leg lenght skirt" is not a thing, far as I know - might be ankle-lenght, knee-lenght etc. (look it up). Why is it Craftsmanship? I mean, why capitalise it? Heh, the Gobbal-Princess incident - nice. You could describe it a bit more, it feels bare-bones, but the plot is there. Ami is being quite cute, and Rose has wriggled out of the situation rather maturely, but you really need to paint it with words. "hurt slipping into her voice" is not painting - you could, for instance, have her voice crack a little, or bubble with wetness, or she could sob - imagine a girl crying (or watch a girl crying, but I recommend you watch a movie, not hurt a real girl). Evangelyne. Another unneeded capital (Hate) - italics is enough to underline that Rose resents the sport (ah, the glorious days of PE).

"convince Malia to a quiet day" - to spend a quiet day. This ambition of yours is overpaid ;P Seriously, though, I know it's boring to review - but if you don't do that, you look like a gobbal. Honest.

If your characters are telling stories, don't give us titles - it's better to say that she remembered something from her previous life and summarise it in more detail than you already do. Your plot isn't bad (aside from the things I complained about already) - your prose just needs much more showing, cause it's mostly telling right now.

Hmm. Odd dream, that. And poison air? I don't think these out-of-body dreams are all that common - would Eva really believe in that without question? How can she "mentally mumble"? Just have it said in the narration, since she's the narrator anyhow and it's her stream of consciousness we're reading.

Yes, this does feel rushed - as in too tell-y, not enough show-y, and unproofread. I think you can improve on it, though. Take your time and read a lot.

Brave heart and take care of yourself!

Pretty good chapters(sorry if i didn't review the last).I hope you bad a good Christmas and will have a great year, Keep up the good work and see you later.

h- hewwo owo

Hope you update this story its adorable

Great chapter

Hi!

Before I start - there's no need to justify your creative decisions (the use of a particular set of names). We don't bite ;)

And here's the review proper: What's with these stage directions? Eh? You're not writing a movie script, so instead of bossing around the imaginary cameraman, use the line tool to separate scenes and just write in whatever POV you want to. If you do this right, nobody will be confused, I promise.

You're a case of the illness I struggle with as well - the Excessive Detail Syndrome, so here's some words from your fellow sufferer. If you tell us the protagonist is seventeen (don't - people in general do not have their age written on their foreheads), no need to tell us which grade he's in, unless it's important (eg. he's repeating a year or a year ahead). Also, if we're seeing him from the outside, don't describe the inside of his bag. You could describe the bag itself as bulging and overstuffed. But in general - less is more. If you can't put something in without using brackets, skip it. Try having a notepad on your desk and writing these skipped down bits there for later use. You probably won't use them, but that helps get over the I'll-forget-important-detail phobia. You don't have to describe him unlocking the door! Give us some credit, we know he has to do this - and "silver colored slip of metal" is a much too fancy way of saying "key". OK? Describe things that are unusual, that say something about the protagonist. I know it's hard to focus sometimes - got the same problem, remember? But try.

Point two - verbs. Point 2.a - do not mix tenses. It might help to imagine yourself telling a story to someone - if you're sitting in front of a fire and telling the story, you'll use the past tense ("The big foot charged right at us!"). If you picture yourself on the phone, explaining what's happening right now to somebody not there ("Big foot! It's charging at us! What do we do?") then use the present tense. But don't mix the two. Point 2.b, the favourite thing of language learners everywhere, the participle! (ta-dah!) Listen carefully, for I shall say this only once: only use present participle for actions that are SIMULTANEOUS: "Roaring, the big foot charged at us." It was roaring and charging at the same time. If you want to say something happened, followed by something else, use this construction: "Having established its dominance with a roar, the big foot charged straight at us." If still in doubt, refer to wiki/Participle (delete the spaces).

Point three: the POV issue. Decide whether you want : a) first person, b) third person limited, or c) third person omniscient narration and stick to it. I'm not saying you can't have different narrators in different scenes, but let's learn to crawl before we parkour through Chicago during the rush hour, ok? Try rewriting the beginning in first person, maybe? It'll show the protagonist's feelings better, methinks. Be more interesting. Don't worry about being able to show the causes of the fire - just have him drop his stuff on the heater, then forget it, then wake up in the smoke. We'll make the connection, honest.

Don't randomly capitalise nouns ("Homework") - it's done in German, but feels weird in English (n.b. my own language uses even less capitalisation). Don't do sound effects. They're silly. Your sentences are too long - vary their lenght, because this way it lulls the reader. The optimal rythm for when nothing dramatic is happening would be one long - two short, but the fire scene is dramatic, the POV character is probably in a rush and confused, so use more short sentences. On that note - your protagonist's using rather highfaluting words. Do teens of your aquaintance speak like this? It's quite purple, and, frankly, detracts from the delicious drama (see what I did there?).

Consult with someone else about fire and being in it, because I'm very squeamish - but it doesn't feel natural. Might be because of the too long sentences, though. If he's confused, he shouldn't observe himself so detachedly (yes, this occurs during panic attacks sometimes, but he's not having one, and anyway, the point is confused people don't know they're confused). Read the chapter one of Jim Butcher's "Ghost Story" (it's on his webpage) - might be a good example to follow. Death. Figures. Celestial bureaucracy. Not bad in itself, but a little too comedic here, too out-of-the-blue (not that you could foreshadow this... maybe if had spent the day in at the registry office?). "I" should be capitalised (work on your laziness!). Gender-bender, ugh! So clishe. You could have started with a girl, you know. Shouldn't the Incarnam allow him (her now?) to pick their class? (I don't actually play the MMO, so not sure here)

(Three Days Grace! yay!)

Hmmm... born with a fully developed mind. That sure won't cause her any problems. Nu-uh. Nope. Poor kid. Red hair? Odd. The prose feels better, less purple, now that our protagonist is speaking for herself. Like your worldbuilding (the growing walls ) but here is where you should do more description - here there is new, interesting stuff that should be described in detail, not just rushed over. The vision is rather vague. You also need to work on the dialogue tone - "it's okay" works fine in an informal environment (friends) but not king's court (even if he's genial and friendly). You rush them somewhat. Also, study the art of the comma. You could use more of them.

Nice worldbuilding with the dolls. Our protagonist isn't the fastest thinker out there, is she? Took her how long to work out she's in a world with magic? Wakfu sense, hmm. All the Sadida can grow plants, and some rudimentary wakfu sense should probably be part of it. Logic, captain. I think wakfu is sort of like the Force, and this bit of your story does feel a little star-warsy, Jedi-in-training. Rose has surprisingly little emotional issues with her situation. Don't do the "toddler" voice, though. It's nigh-unreadable. Once or twice is fine, to display the speech impediment, but don't do this constantly. Rather, when using Amalia's POV, use simpler words and sentences (to show she's not that experienced with language yet), maybe some Buffy speak. Also, Rose's body is just as old as Amalia's, so her vocal cords should be just as undeveloped. The out-of-body experience... I'm honestly not sure what to think of it. The queen knows perfectly well who Rose is, since she's been told about her, presumably many times, by her friend. Once on page (don't contradict yourself!). She's a nice sort of a queen, you know.

Bottom line: Am I right in assuming that you have no (long term) plan? Pantsing it? Because it seems like you put in whatever you think cool at the moment. Hard to give any advice right now, except the usual: spellcheck. Practice. Especially the dialogues, they have this rushed quality of an inexperienced writer, but practice description, too. Don't just post whatever you've written that day, set it aside for at least week (patience, viceroy), then reread and fix all the mistakes you find. You have all the time you need.

May the Force (or wakfu) be with you.

Hello, pretty good chapter, read about the very early childhood of a reincarnated charachter is always funny and you did it well. So, Rose will become Amalia's second bodyguard? Seems interesting, and i'm really curious to see who will be her girlfriend/boyfriend(i hope Yugo, i don't like so much Yugo/Amalia, too clichè). Keep up the good work and see you later.

That' is great.
I wanted to do a story like this but it was about a fan of wakfu who died in our world and become tge son of maskeman in the world of twelve, he was reincarned before yugo birth so he decide to train in order to become more stronger. (The story will be in french because i''m french)

Are you okay with my idea ? because i want to write it but my isea is almost like you.