Good work on this so far. Try to keep on it and publish more chapter, or should I correct myself and quote Yoda, "Try not. Do or do not. There is no try." Either way, keep up the good work.

Having read your story, I would first suggest that you space between paragraphs and dialogue so that the others maybe able to read your story much easier and would later be able to offer their own suggestions, reviews, OCs, and what not.

Also, watch your grammar as it would make your story even better to read. And finally, you can use this story as a testing ground where you can incorporate ideas that would also work in your main story.

This is an interesting twist. I wonder how it will go. Great content; I like the plot idea of main characters giving a second chance at life by completing a mission; that idea is rarely used these days.

My biggest concern is the lack of spacing or some indication of where the dialogue ends and begins. All of the sentences are so close together, it's hard to tell where it begins.

Thanks, and good luck!