Great Story!

This is actually the only xcom/me crossover I have been able to find, (of more than 60K words) that I think is more than "somewhat decent".

The setup is fascinating and you combine that with some nice dialogue and character interactions giving the story an original flair and the feeling that this is not at all the "same-old-me-plot-all-over-again".

Thank You!

I couldn't read past the first contact with the council.
Even If there's a reason for the combine to act so stupidly explained later in your novel, I already have lost all interest and decided to stop there.
Thank you for trying but this one is not for me.

Can't wait to see more!

Good to see this back. I do think that the "Codex Unlocked" things really harm the flow of the writing and story.

I see Wrex read some human sci-fi while working for X-Com, and got *ideas*. Taking some cues from John Ringo is he now? "I'm gonna get myself a Troy!"

A mix of criticism and praise

You had to explain a great deal of the going ons of the negotiations in the notes here, try to avoid needing to do that. All you would have needed was a few paragraphs from the combine perspective to avoid it. However i do think giving up the secrets of psionics, elerium and meld so readily is a major diplomatic blunder. Given that psionics is rather rare they would only need a handful of sites on a major colony and as little as one on anything smaller. These could easily be guarded by psionic soldiers to avoid theft. This would keep the rarest and most dangerous of the combines technology off the streets and out of council hands till there is actually a reason to trust them or give it too them. The other side of this is that elerium becomes a combine export. I do agree that sharing the basic weapons tech of laser weapons is a good idea to try and head off war, assuming they have something bigger in reserve (i do hope the plasma weapons were kept back). There is absolutely nothing to guarantee the council will respect the combines independence or to keep them from betraying the combine once they feel they can, especially with the advent of psionics. Think about what psionics can REALLY DO for a few moments...then realize how it looks from the councils point of view. They have a new faction with 100 years worth of experience with it that has a major race that is highly gifted in it when compared to the others. Forget heading off paranoia its already coming. Better to keep a card or two in your hand. Signing the treaty to limit dreadnoughts...yeah there is several ways around that so its a good move, plus many smaller ships is better for commerce protection/raiding and scouting while also giving flexibility of movement to reinforce areas or assemble attack fleets. Only places in need of dreadnoughts is key locations like large colonies, shipyards and heavy assault fleets.

Actually reviewing the chapter

You once again did well. While you said you wrote it because you felt guilty about destroying a major city in one sentence you actually did a very good job of showing how that would effect humanity. Remember just how desperate and vicious that last battle was. London is one of the biggest and oldest cities in the world and the quarians lost a liveship, both sudden losses would send shockwaves throughout their cultures. It stands as a testament to the alliance that created the combine and the races the battle freed. Think the somme and other European graveyards or pearl harbor but on a city scale that holds vital cultural and historical importance for several races.

Just finished your "prologue" of the first contact war

You clearly put a great deal of thought and effort into how humans and quarians meet and would interact, and its very impressive. I think the bit that stood out to me was the facial expressions. Quarians have plenty of them, even more than normal having grown so used to helmets. Humans on the other hand grow still in times of stress, deep thought or pressure and it throws them off enough to be outright disturbing for the quarians. I know you said you didn't plan on the human/quarian alliance being super powerful, and that in itself is accurate given the quarians are a battered fleet of old ships that need to set up a new world and humans are just starting out, but i do hope you realize the sheer potential for cooperation and growth they have together given time. Humans, wo are highly experienced in planetary warfare, have turian like discipline, salarian like intelligence gathering abilities and a deep scientific curiosity (though really, we are very poor diplomats when you look at our history) has just made an alliance with the quarians, a race of scavengers with mastery of space combat, navigation and engineering. Alongside the krogan (shock troops, heavy industry workers all rolled in with a sheer will to survive with even a spark of hope) and the turian (similar military social structure and respect for an honor system) i cant see much of a better race to ally with.

codex u locked messages are enoying in a game, in a story they are juat outright stupid. 1 codex at the end of the chapter to clearify some things is more then enough

So, the Hatak sodiers basically became the quarian version of the Death Korps of Krieg

The codex padding the chapters is really annoying, I know about Mass Effect stuff from playing the damn games the same with Xcom, We don't need codex entrys for events we literally just read about. Fit exposition into the story itself, SHOW DON'T TELL.

The conflict between the two Shepards will be fun. John is all about Duty and Loyalty to your nation, and I suspect Jane is all about Duty and Loyalty to your friends.

Also I am kinda liking the Miranda romance, it's been handled pretty well and in a pretty interesting manner.

Sorry for sending half reply (smartphone sucks)
Real life xcom ufo would be far more powerful than game prototype. Thats including shields and far more firepower.

I think that xcom craft downing xrays in one on one fight is simplified version for game mechanics. In real life it would be dozens of SAMs and fighters against 1ufo. So re

I like the John/Miranda scenes, was interesting. You really create a sense of shared history, without needing to reveal much of that history, so well done. Not gonna lie, part of me is pulling for John/Tali, cause I just adore Tali, but that would be rather unprofessional, given John's role, and romance doesn't seem to be the main thrust of this story anyways (which is also good) :)

Little confused that Shepard is the one getting mind-probed, when Liara also saw the vision.