Great story. There should be more like it, after what happened to Eric, dean, bailey and Chrissie, they got a bum deal
Your title is a pretty clever pun
Don't quite get the changed circumstances behind how Eric beat the sheriff but I see how that saves bailey and it works well in the context. Also the shot keeping dean out of the trap was goo.
Eric's thoughts before killing lewtherfqce are pretty good.
Holden's arrival taking out Monty and the tea lady ties things up neatly.
The Texas cornshuck massacere is funny.
Even if it's played for laughs like Eric's development in leaving the war behind
A part of me feels like the characters deserved a bit more serious of a tone for the story but dumb fun works and it's more important that you let them live when few if any other fanfic authors do and I appreciate that.