Greetings. Going with your recommendation here and reviewing this particularly lovely work of literature here.

Well, that's enough, time to read and review this tale.

I see that consistent characterization of Katheryn, calm outside despite emotional anything going on in her head. I like that question to herself, as to why she was nervous. One I figured was rhetorical given the feelings she and Carlos have for each other, and had been building over the past six months. I'm glad to see the payoff here. I like the reveal in that last paragraph that Katheryn, for all her attractiveness and intelligence, hasn't had the most success in relationships and romance. I'd have been sure she had more than her fair share of suitors.

I thought the note revealing Carlos as the secret admirer (or more like confirming what Katheryn likely had sorted out already) was a nice little touch. The romantic in me had to smile as I saw this. It was a sweet little touch.

The line about 'well worth the wait' to make his move was certainly quite a lovely thing for Carlos to say. I smiled at that, because I thought it was most thoughtful of him and a witty retort from Butch's 'took you long enough' sentiments of earlier.

The reveal from Katheryn as far as why she chose to uproot herself and move to Dallas and wind up working at the HOPE Center is great characterization of her. And I have to say Carlos' question and listening characterizes him as a great listener for sure.

And we see not only Carlos' family history afterward but also Katheryn's hidden talent at playing pool/billiards quite well. Two to one after fifty minutes in favor of Katheryn? Great gameplay there.

Following this we see a lovely ending of the evening at the street outside of the HOPE Center. And now the subtle tiredness and Katheryn's wishes for the night not to end does point to this being the beginning of a lovely relationship.

Good writing,

Theodore Hawkwood

I’m here with your review for reverse tag. I promised a structured review so we’ll just jump right in.

Characterization: Well of course your portrayal of Kath is completely on point here. I crack up because sometimes she’s so much like me and other times we’re absolute opposites. Here I think her nervous and sort of introspective side comes out. It makes me think she’s not super comfortable with romance in actuality. This line here ((Kathryn asked, immediately feeling like she was prying too much.)) made me feel like perhaps Kath has overstepped social boundaries in the past (or maybe knew someone who did) and wants to make sure she won’t cross those lines. I dunno, I just really loved how such a simple line seemed to provide so much insight into Kath.

As for Carlos I think he was also portrayed well. Maybe a little mushy with the romance, but since this was from Kath’s perspective you can totally get away with that. We tend to interpret reality as gooier than it really is. My only nitpick on the characterization is this: I want to caution you against the interjections from Carlos’ POV. Since they are few and far between, they feel a little like they’re coming out of nowhere when they arrive. One example is here ((Carlos seemed confused as he stopped and turned to face the most beautiful girl he had ever met. “Wait…”)) While that might actually be what he thinks, and these moments later on give us some nice perspective on his character, since everything else is in Kath’s head it felt random and forced.

Flow: While I was reading this all I could think was that you were so excited to get your ideas onto paper that some of them were lost in translation a little bit. There are large chunks of narrative that seemed word-heavy and could have been cut down a bit to improve readability (like that first paragraph) and then at times it was almost like you were imposing an omniscient narrator onto the story like Jane Austen did. This is an example: ((And such is the mark of a lasting relationship….)). It wasn’t that anything was necessarily poorly written; it’s just that it became a lot for me as a reader to take in and I would recommend reading it out loud and cutting out redundant or unnecessary phrases/words to improve the flow.

With that said I would like to point out one spot where I think you nailed the flow and pacing. The first was during the first chunk of dialogue when Carlos drew Kath out of her reverie. That banter between them ((“You know you have a habit of doing that…?” “Yeah….it’s my way of escaping…” “You were just trying to escape?”)) was my favorite part of this whole piece and seemed to just capture the playfulness between them as well as their mutual nerves/concerns going into the date.

Plot: How can you go wrong with a first date plot? This was overall very sweet—I like Kath’s nervousness at the beginning and how she tries to convince herself that she’s hung out with Carlos for six months (or eight months? You had both time frames mentioned…) so it shouldn’t have been a huge deal. Of course we all know it is, and eventually Kath gets on that boat as well. It’s different because it’s shifting things from friendship to a little more. So that was really on point.

And actually, as far as the plot goes I have no complaints, so good job there. I am glad you chose to expand on their first date and used this one-shot to do so. :LD