not dipper harem with both paz and TS? i'll pass then.

OK. Here we go, stay with me now. First of all, You have guts, trying this crossover combo. And an original idea, which is good. That said, the writing is better than most, but could use some improvement. Second, 1st person is always easier, though I generally use 3rd limited/Omni as a mix. Third, Don't leave readers hanging. Make a short AN if you have too about what you're problem is, and apology, and fix that problem, then get back to writing. Also, attempt to widen your vocabulary of words you use in this story. Diversity is Always Better Than Plain. That said, don't go confusing readers either. Finally, You have a brilliant idea going on here, so keep it up.
-FF(Nexus)