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I'm thinking of Shiina, Taki, and maybe Tsukiumi as Sora's next Sekirei. I'm still on the fence about Tsukiumi since she's part of Minato's canon flock but so is Kagari so I figured "Might as well screw with canon even more!" Plus, with how she thinks her ashikabi with try to 'defile her', I want to see how she reacts to having a female ashikabi with a child.

Gah, you were so close! Here I was reading through this thing and thinking, "Wow. This actually flawless: variation of words, solid amount of detail, good amount of character in the interactions and thoughts, good pacing, little light on the plot progression but I still got the impression that SOMETHING has occurred here." Suffice to say I was good and ready to give this a "I got nothing, good on ya all around."

But then... Doh, ya had to go and use "it is today" twice in the same exposition dump and set off my pet peeve! I swear, if it wasn't for that and maybe a few sentences that could've been trimmed, you'd leave me with nothing to harp on!

So harp on it I will: you have great variation in the beginning with the different continuous verbs as well as transitional verbs, so much so that I completely missed the fact that you said "Kagari's arm" three times in a row. Why? Because you kept everything else different in that sequence, and I totally grasped the progression there.

Yes, it's really nitpicky of me but I point these things out because in large groups they become bad habits. That's clearly not happening here, but constant vigilance keeps it that way.

So, that in mind, would you object if I volunteered my services as a beta reader/editor/co-author? At this point, if you maintain this level of quality I really won't have much to critique, and would serve you better in the creative process itself. Plus, that list of potential Sekirei you gave has got me all kinds of excited, thinking of ways they could be introduced or potential plots that might be carried out.

As well as one other idea, since you've already crossed the OC line. Send me a PM and let's talk.

Oh, and hope your granddad gets back in gear lickety-split. Having six grandparents and one great-grandparent myself, I know your situation all too well.

Hmmm...Those are some interesting choices for the rest of Sora's flock in my opinion. I wonder how they'll act around Yui because I haven't read a Sekirei fanfic in which an Ashikabi has already had a kid. Will they treat her as an adoptive sibling/daughter or will their relationship be much more complicated than that?

This chapter felt like it was only half-done. I get that you want to take things slow between Homura and Sora, but at the same time, I sense untapped potential here.

This chapter felt kinda short. At the pace you were going and the events that unfurled, it kind of felt like we stopped at the halfway point.

More pressing in my mind, though, what was the point of sending Sora into Mikogami's turf if you weren't even going to HINT at something? I get build-up, but when you have a set-up like that, acknowledge it as abnormal or alarming, but then have nothing START to come of it, it feels very anticlimactic.

The reasoning in your notes makes sense to me. And it is not just girls that watch movies for 'boys', I know a 3 year old boy that watches Little Mermaid every other week.
Also, I agree with keeping the flow of the story constant. You have a good 'family moment' with the movie.

Ugh. You're writing too much fanfics. Won't be shocked if most of them are left hanging. Focus on one fic, for god's sake!

Have Kuno kind of fade away.

I can sympathize. Multivariable calc was a big fat waste of time and Ben Stein would've been a more riveting speaker than my old calc professor.

As for the chapter, it was okay. I feel you might've chosen a few more creative insults for Minaka than "That bastard" over and over again, but that's really my only gripe. Kagari's the exposition machine because he knows what's going on and another character doesn't, so there's nothing wrong with him explaining it at length. It's the WAY he explained it that would make it fly or not, and in this case it definitely flew.

Next Sekirei? Well... I mean, I have no idea how exactly anyone is supposed to guess it, since you said she wasn't mentioned yet, and I know it's not any of the male ones since you specifically said "she", Kuno is out because she appeared already, you listed 4 others in the last chapter, re-mentioned Uzume here along with 2 more, the Hanyo of the North got a name-drop so I'm not discounting Minato and by extension Musubi and Matsu...

So me guts are telling me Kusano, because two children for a teenage mother to take care of would be kind of interesting when one has superpowers, or Kuruse, because Yahan was mentioned and therefore Kuruse also springs to mind. All other Sekirei are little more than goons for the good guys to beat.

Or Akitsu. Just remembered her.

I love this so far. A few spelling errors here and there but I love the chemistry between Sora and Kagari.

Kagari didn't quite feel like himself. The way he spoke and his friendly yet condescending nature towards Yui came off more like Kazehana or Miya than Homura, especially with calling her "honey". That reeks of faux familiarity, and Kagari was never like that.

This chapter felt like it was spinning its wheels. Nothing really happened here, and it was at most the span of a single scene, a scene which might've been cut down a bit if the conversation with Asa hadn't been dragged out so much. Nothing against Asa, but he seems like a completely superfluous character. He doesn't really have much going for him, he doesn't bring out a different side of Sora, nor does he play off of anyone that well. If anything, he comes off like a less interesting, less expressive version of Seo here, to the point where I was skimming through his dialog to get to the next character bit.

On your ponderings for additional Sekirei, might I give my own thoughts to the matter?

OCs are tricky, since while they leave a lot open they also require far more characterization than any other character, due to them not being known or having a face or look like the pre-established characters. Characterization seems to be something you're struggling with a bit, so I advise you really nail how the characters act and speak before making your own.

Taki's pretty much a blank slate, so you could more or less write her however you want. An alternative to an OC, perhaps.
Shiina's inclusion should depend on whether or not you plan on adding Minato to the story. If you do, I wouldn't like to see Tsukiumi paired with anyone except him. I can see a dynamic between her and Sora, but I think it would feel more honest and sincere if she was coming to Sora from another Ashikabi. Something of her own free will, rather than anything to do with her being winged.

No comment on Kaho. Keep in mind something that Walt Disney once said, "What you have is an idea. Everyone decides how great it is." Of course, you have to think its great before anyone else can, so go for it.

Uzume is less dependent on her relationship with Chiho. I've seen other writers craft different stories and arcs for her without Chiho's involvement, and even though I'm not one of them, she's a good enough character to be flexible.

I might recommend Akitsu. I know it's almost a cliche at this point to write her into an OC harem or even Minato's flock, but like Uzume she's a flexible character. And she also has more than a few things to share with Sora in terms of rejection and soul-crushing despair.

You know its pretty rare to find Sekirei Stories with a female original character as a Ashikabi and with a child no less. I'm interested to see how this will play out, especially when Yui finds out about Sora's relationship with her future flock.

Speaking of Sora's flock, I think Taki is a good choice especially since she doesn't get that much attention in Sekirei fanfics. I would've also recommended Yahan too but she already has a role in your other Sekirei story; 'Freedom' so I'm not sure if you'd be up for that or not. Either way though, I can't wait to see who else Sora wings in the next chapter(s) of this story.

I really love Akitsu, and I can see Sora being rather protective of her. Of course I love Shiina as well as Karasuba. I think in this instance kaho and kazehana would be interesting.

I agree with Shiina. He can be Yui's brother/babysitter.
Nice touch with the domestic scene. Sora's reaction seems to fit with what I might do in a similar situation.