that's why the bad animals wanted Rita. they knew the flash drive was hidden in her doll!

Just read your touching story. Please keep up the good work. I know you have pretty much finished the story, but if you ever decide to add to it, I would be happy to read it.

I love that story it is really good, but why aren't Judy and Nick in a relationship? At the end of Zootopia Judy even said, she has got a crush on Nick. So they could be together.

Lol! He gave her a donut!

So cute! She has her doll with her!

This is sooooooooo cute! Is there a sequel?

Good effort. It could use some judicious editing. The plot was a little too predictable for my tastes and needed to be racked up a step or two on complexity. After all, it's suppose to be a mystery. The set up and solution were way too simple. But overall, not bad.

Aww, I'm so happy for all of them. I had a feeling she'd get adopted soon, but I never expected something so wonderful; like this would happen to her. Great job!

Well I'm glad the conflict is resolved and that Rita is safe now. I'm happy that her father wasn't evil as we previously expected, though it's a shame that no one knew about this until years later. Can't wait to read the last chapter.

Aww... The saddest part of reading a wonderful story is the part were the story ends... I hope you make another one! Your welcome for the reviews! BYYYYE!

I would like to start by saying that, in terms of plot, this is quite exceptional. You have a good deal of intrigue and mystery here, and so many questions that make me want to read more; What's on the flash drive? Why do they want it so bad? And what did Rita's father do that was so important to the villains? That's really important for a story, and it keeps your reader very engaged in the plot.

Some things I would like to see a bit more of, however, is detail: What color is Rita's fur? Is she smiling? Does she have a lisp? Or when Nick speaks, is he using his classic sly smirk? What are his thoughts? How has he been adjusting to police work? How has Judy helped him with the rough spots? Adding little character descriptions can help a great deal in really fleshing out the story. For example, in chapter 5, the introductory paragraph could read instead:

“Rita awoke with a start, suddenly aware of the unpleasant hardness of the floor beneath her. Confused, she looked around franticly, trying to see exactly where she was. But the room was dark, and her keen eyes had yet to adjust to the lack of light, which caused her no small amount of fear. As her eyes began to adjust, she could see that she seemed to be in an old office, with a worn out desk and several old, rusty metal filing cabinets. On top of the filing cabinet, she could make out the distinct outline of her stuffed friend, Ronnie, and quickly grabbed her.

Holding her tightly, she began looking around to take in her surroundings: There was a door, which she jiggled and found to be locked. There was a window as well, but it was barred from the outside.”

This little rewrite is by no means perfect, but you get the gist: little details can help to immerse a reader into the experiences, feelings, and visuals of the characters themselves, and helps to paint a picture and not leave as much work for the reader to implant details into the story itself.

Also, when you describe interactions between characters, think of the little nonverbal cues each character gives off. Think about series’ like NCIS, and the imagine describing their interactions on paper, not just their words but their little mannerisms(smirks, hand having, brow movement, etc.).

The last thing I would like to point out, and this is more likely a personal issue for me, is that the story seemed over too quickly. There was a lot of mystery, and it all gets solved so quickly and it’s over before we even realize. I will add, however, that this is more due with my enjoyment of the story and subsequent sadness of it’s sudden ending, but never the less there was a lot that you could do to be able to expand the story, and let the readers wrestle with the intrigue and mystery and slowly build up the tension.

Do not let these points of critique discourage you: You have a good feel for plot and characters, and a knack for sweet little scenes like this ending to the story. I would love to see the themes of family and the relationships between these characters to be explored and challenged by these new developments. You've essentially made a story where I think you're spoilt for choice as to where to go next, due to the richness of the story itself. I am curious to see how you do continue.

Overall, I really did enjoy the story and look forward to seeing more from you in the future. Keep it going!

God bless,
Crocluva95

I love the ending! It was so adorable.

How sweet! Nice ending for Rita.

Great, Rita is safe!

That's sooo cute!- gypsywitch19