Why did I laugh at the last line?

ooh, I thought that the cat's name was McGonagail, in honor of McGonagall

awesome cat name

Why would Harry be fetched on a broom, in daylight, with a group, when one or two people could apparate him to Grimmald? It's an incredible risk. Hedwig could fly free, all his possessions could be shrunk, no trace on adult wands, and voila, Harry is enroute. It doesn't, make sense to use brooms.

KUDOS

You nailed Dumbledore! I was intrigued from the minute they stepped foot in his office. I'm wondering if Fate and Dumbledore have some sort of relationship that made Dumbledore believe the Potters and Sirius weren't imposters.

I cracked up when Remus said "when Lily and James tell me to." And then they showed up! You really did a great job setting up Remus and Tonks' relationship. And their paranoia from the war.

I am going to look forward to Severus running into Lily in future chapters. And the explanation they give Harry and Company when they meet them. Cause you know there were tons of witnesses to Sirius' death.

EDITS

1. "Wothcer Remus," she said.
"Hello Nymphadora," Remus said.

2. Remus was about to relpy when they heard the sound of apparation outside the house.

3. This surprised everyone.

4. It would make them tell their true identities.

5. While Lily help Scrimgeour with the official documents...

6. In general you should captialize Veriteserum.

KUDOS

1. You've really characterized Harry's grief in a tangible way. I felt the same way after my birth mother died in 2016. The grief crushes you, and you captured the effect it would have on him with such care and depth.

2. Sirius's personality is spot on. I was really interested to see you describe Lily and James' house, just as it may have been in the living world. Especially with Sirius' reaction to finding Lily there. The prank on James was classic as well.

3. Oh, I can't wait to see what happens when Remus finds them all. Great job!

EDITS (These are suggestions, you can feel free to take or not. But I figured it would help for your rewrite!)
1. He had not responded to letters from his friends.
By eliminating words this sentence packs more of a punch, and helps move through Harry's thoughts more quickly.

2. He wrote to everyone sayingb:/b "I'm alive. Dursleys are treating me okay. See you soonb./b"
Adding in another comma and colon helps this sentence be grammatically and punctuation correct.

3. He grumbled to himself when he saw that Dumbledore hadb,/bonce again, assigned Order members to Privet Drive.

4. He remembered being in the Department of Mysteries, battling Death Eatersb,/b and being pushed into the viel by his cousin Bellatrix
Since the Department of Mysteries and Death Eaters are proper nouns and should be capitalized.

5. Why was he so surprised you ask?
This sentence can be omitted. It takes us out of the story and reminds us that someone, the author, is present, which breaks the magic of the scene. We can tell he's shocked from the previous reaction.

6. Just so you know you're deadb./b

7. Second later, the faint rustle of keys could be heard the faint creak bof/b the door soon followed.

8. It concerns the young Harry Potterb./b

8. Lilyb,/bbeing more perceptive than the menb,/b saidb,/b...

9. James bmulled over the offer then said,/b"We'll return for Harryb./b
I added in some flavor to help this sentence pop.

10. Fate smiled softly and saidb,/b"I hope I won't see you for quite some time! Be careful..."
You have forgotten to add the proper punctuation with dialogue several times during this chapter and so I have included those times to help your writing look more uniform.

11. With that bF/bate snapped her fingersb./b A blinding light filled the room. bWhen it faded, Jame, Sirius and Lily were gone./b
I suggest making your writing more punctated during this scene. That can help simulate the quick passage of time. Also, captialize Fate, as you have been doing this whole time.

~ Jazz E. Roisin

Interesting story. I like the character of Sophie and giving Harry a little sister. Would be interested to see how their relationship develops in a sequel, as well as how Harry deals with his parents/family during a Horcrux hunt, final battle, and recovery afterward.

Congratulations on your amazing story!

A great story here! Looking forward to reading the sequel!

Interesting story; will you notify us here when the sequel is up?

Great job, luv. I look forward to the sequel.

...Their first thought is to romp around like schoolboys and not go see Harry?!

Interesting can’t wait for more

This was a great chapter! Harry and Ginny are adorable. I also liked the scene with Harry's dorm mates.

I would love to see what you write next. Your a great writer and your stories are great too. Keep up your great works of art.

Thank you and Please,

Terri