You keep misspelling "liar" as "lair."

I can’t say I’m a fan of multiple ocs in a single story, but this is pretty well written so I’ll stick with it...

Bruh how you fuck up the word "patient" so many times in one paragraph?

Two large pepperoni and a calzone, names fuck you

Right i'm not finishing this. I like the relationship with Asami and I like the electric powers of Alex and that is about it l, the rest was okay not great but certainly not bad. However you lost me at spiderman why you put him in i will never understand his inclusion just disconnected me with the story as die the arrival of the older sister to be honest. As for kelly's death i could it a bit... sudden and unnecessairy, after reading it i was like "Right, so that happened" and lastly i dislike the docter as a villain because jou made him to powerful and it takes away from Amon and Tarloc who are great characters in their own right. All in all a missed opportunity this fic

Well, that took a longer time than I expected. I'll warn you now, that isn't a good thing. I would have stopped long ago, in fact I did for a time. But despite the flaws of this story, I know that once upon a time I wasn't exactly writing masterpieces, it took someone giving me criticism to kick my ass into shape. Real, brutally honest, criticism to show me that my stuff needed work. In fact I deleted most of my stories after and have begun rewriting them.

I'm going to do the same here, it's probably going to hurt. I'll start off simple, structure and grammar. Structure is sound, just fine. Grammar had issues, specifically spelling. Many of the mistakes were from you using the wrong homophone. Spelled correctly, but the correctly spelled word was the wrong one for the context. Sometimes small ones were missing, likely merely missed during quick typing. All it would really take is a good reread. Perhaps a thesaurus as well.

Moving on by saying that it's ambitious to try and create a large interlinked universe. I mean that as a good thing, having ambition can really push to make something great. Here, though it isn't the ambition that's the problem but all of the angles and holes the idea of inter dimensional travel between the separate universes and times creates.

The same ones that almost any story that begins to mess around in those things creates. Plus they crowd the story, everything was simple and straightforward within the world the story creates. Now there's countless things that could happen, go wrong, the rules are blurred. You've opened it up, and now there's a shitload of empty space that needs to be filled, plot holes that they can create, rules that need to be rewritten.

And while obviously that can be explained further in the sequels, from those two chapters impression it seems rather ridiculous in this case. Alex comes from our world where the characters of Marvel comics are written, complete fiction thought up by someone. Yet they're actually real to an extent in another, and the comic's rules are true and could actually be used as a cheat sheet for them? Why doesn't Alex have Spidey take him back there and gather many of them so he has a leg up on all of his villains?

Alex coming from the world where all of these things came from creates very large holes for all these other universes that I assume also have their basis in stories from our world. I would have to say it would be for the best to keep it contained to itself. Then you can focus on YOUR story, the themes, the world, the characters.

Which is a good transition point, we'll move to the story itself, the plot. It begins more promising, when its telling its own narrative and not the narrative of Book One: Air(Plus OCs and their subplot) Speaking of which, the subplot of Alex, Kelly, and the Doctor? It was weak, sure you explained where their powers came from but that's about it. And while the subplot should play off the main plot, running alongside it, this one was nonexistent until it would stumble drunk into the spotlight, hiccup and burp, then proceed to fall out of it and pass out again.

An analogy that aligns very well with the odd amount of underage drinking. I'm not sure what the point of that was, but it was there, it was there more than the subplot about this trio of "Charged." And in the end when everything was coming to a head, instead of merging with the main plot seamlessly like I suspect it was supposed to, it seemed more like it kicked the main plot in the nuts flipped it the bird and took the stage...

...Then tripped and fell off the stage.

Your way of telling the story could very well be one of the problems there. You rely heavily on telling, not showing. Instead of showing me what the characters feel, or how they react to the world around them and accomplish tasks, you tell. A very bad thing with characters, instead of showing me not only how the POV character feels about the character they're interacting with but also making me feel that as well, you told me, which doesn't make me feel the same. It's merely a transfer of information instead of a character interaction.

Something else, the references, a few are okay, but you used so many of them here. You did the Fallout one, you admitted to that. But I saw, a bad Bioshock one(other than the spherical cockpit being spherical like the bouncer's helmet the mechs look nothing like a Big Daddy), a Supernatural one, a Lord of the Rings one, and a They Live one which immediately transitioned into part of the highway scene from Deadpool slightly tweaked as well as another Deadpool one earlier with the bar scene about the deadpool, or in this case getting arrested.

Now onto probably my biggest criticism, the biggest problem here. The characters themselves.

The OC's mainly as they're the focus. I'll begin by saying that I love well done OC's. I think they can really bring something to a story. But the key word there is well done. The ones here were not. Starting with the most disposable, even you disposed of her, Kelly.

She was forgettable I would legitimately forget she was in the story, little background and what there was was boring as hell. And yet whenever she came on managed to be one of the most irritating of the characters who opened their mouths. I truly can't for the life of me understand why her and Alex were friends, in fact, if you hadn't told me they were I wouldn't believe it. What friend thinks so terribly of their supposed "best friend" that she states he's not boyfriend material? In such a way that he might as well seem like he's either completely inept at it, or she thinks so lowly of him that he shouldn't have a significant other at all. As if she's a fuckin' prize.

Now the Doctor, the chi vampire. Someone who has the ability to drain someone of their chi, granting him their bending ability. But does he also gain their memories or something? How exactly does he know how to bend otherwise? Sure, he absorbed their ability to bend an element, but if not their memory as well, than all of their skill and techniques die with them, therefore he can bend all the elements. He just wouldn't know how, making them null and void unless he spent years learning and mastering them, the physical and spiritual sides to bending.

But he didn't, so that's the only conclusion I can draw. Speaking of his power, he should EASILY be the most powerful being in this world. And you created a MASSIVE plot hole the size of the Earth Kingdom, he's absorbed Amon and Tarrlok's blood bending, so why didn't he just use that to twist Alex into a pretzel before draining him of his Chi? Or any of the characters standing in his way after the fact? Amon showed he was pretty much unstoppable when he started using it, and yet he didn't use it to stop the Doc either. So, is blood bending just a plot device only there when it can add some drama?

And for such a powerful guy his first meeting with Alex was pitiful, embarrassing, he's supposed to be the big bad. Yet Kelly immediately puts him down with a table? And instead of fighting back, he runs, tail twixt his legs? To then not appear again until a hammy show of how he's the "Avatar."

He was not convincing, not by a long shot. He might as well have twirled a mustache while he monologued about how the bullies gave him swirlies in high school and he was gonna show them what for. And the part where he decides to rape both Korra and Asami in front of Alex just for the shits and giggles could not have been more random. Where did his evil tendencies even come from to begin with? Were you checking off a list of evil character traits for him?

And now to move on to Alex, the main protagonist who can make or break it all. So, how did he do? The others left much to be desired of, so perhaps he manages to rein it all in? No. Not even a little, in fact he was possibly the worst part of this. A Gary Stu if ever there was one. Inexplicably good at everything he decides to do, with no explanation or background? Check. Stealing the spotlight and making every character look useless and ineffective in his grand presence? Check. Having absolutely no character flaws that may impede him in his righteous journey? Check.

Alex started alright, but in the first chapter, the FIRST chapter you threw a huge red flag up. This regular old high school student is going to tell the graduated scientist how to do his job? It's not like this guy has gone through countless hours of schooling and was hired for this job on his merits. Apparently all he needed was an incomplete high school education and an interest in science and he too could be so grossly incandescent as our grand Gary Stu. Same goes for General Iroh, he's just a cog in Alex's plan, not at all like he's a fucking GENERAL, and it's his job to plan and lead troops. No, he too must bow before the superior tactical skill of what is now essentially a high school drop out.

And why is it when he arrives in Republic City does he think being a courier at all falls in line with his interests or skillset. It was just so he had the excuse to learn how to free run, right? Not like that skill takes years to become competent in, and is incredibly dangerous if you end up screwing the pooch. Nope, three months. Science/engineering gamer guy, you'd think he would be pretty weak in the martial skill in life. But no, he also gets into countless fights. Did he gain skill at it through his countless bouts where he may have struggled before eventually gaining some fighter instincts that make him rough, and crude not showing a particular skill but being quite effective from those hard fought instincts? No.

Okay, did he take a martial art, perhaps, Muay Thai, Jiu Jitsu, maybe training at an MMA gym or boxing one? No, daddy was an Army Ranger. You realize those of us in the military don't learn a whole lot of hand to hand, right? More focused on shooting, after all, if I have to fight you unarmed I fucked up a long time ago. Not to mention what we do learn isn't particularly helpful in a regular throw down, unless you plan to maim or kill someone. A proper choke hold at best could translate well. Which, by the way you had Alex doing incorrectly, you should not be cutting off the air way but the carotid arteries, and if done correctly they'll drop in seconds.

Not mentioning how despite his supposedly only knowing basic stuff he can in anyway resist a chi blocker or the Lieutenant. Both would utterly destroy him in seconds, the Lieutenant is Amon's right hand man, and being a non bender should know very well how to fight melee. Yet he gets beaten by this guy time and time again, when he's likely been doing it for more years than Alex has been alive.

Instead of knowing any of that though, he knows how to use a staff. Though from the fact you had him swinging it like a baseball bat I doubt he properly knows how to do that. A staff is nothing like a bat in its application. And his ability to make all these items? I get that you can learn how to take things apart and put them back together, but making an energy weapon? We're still working on a rail gun, and this kid figured out how to throw electricity from a gun in a garage with technology from roughly the 20's? Has he taken apart a taser and memorized how it works and then still figured out how to direct that electricity through the air?

Moving on from that to his power, controlling electricity and generating it. You seemed to want a sort of pseudo science basing for the power, Kelly's included, though she somehow tore through platinum, a metal that is not magnetic. But where in any way does electricity heal broken bones and lacerations? Juicing him up should fill him with energy and power, that's about it. How exactly does it heal him? The pseudo science falls apart at that, and that's a shame cause it really could have kept the powers well rounded and balanced, such as his weakness with water.

But all of this pales in comparison to his biggest issue, one that may have been intentional though I doubt it and even if it were it's still going to damage the story. Alex is an obnoxious, arrogant, douche bag, without any redeeming qualities. His sarcasm is without real wit or charm and is merely a cudgel to beat you over the head with. He runs his mouth off to everybody, insulting most everyone who isn't Asami, why? To make him look cool? To try and put people down?

He has incredibly childish anger issues, he doesn't like somebody? Punch them in the face, why? Just cause. You can even be his friend and if you do something he doesn't like he'll punch you in the face for it. Han didn't do any physical harm to him, asked for payment for a service provided because that's how business works and Alex slugged him for it. Was that just for a laugh? Cause that's a dick move for a shitty punchline, you take that pun however you want.

Slapping the Avatar in the face for saying something that was actually a pretty accurate assessment of how he dealt with his "best friend's" death. By joking and smiling with Spider Man, if you hadn't told us that he was upset at the beginning of that chapter it would have been unnoticeable. SHOW don't tell. It may have actually had an impact otherwise. Back to the slap, because that's right its a girl he just slapped in the face.

His Army Ranger father would be rolling in his grave, because if he were alive he would beat the shit out of him for that. I would beat the shit out of him for that. And she LOVES HIM DESPITE THAT! It actually read like an abusive relationship, she get's afraid of him for hitting her but just can't leave. "He's not a bad guy I promise, Officer! The black eyes are how he shows his passion for our love!"

Real quick, let's touch on the love triangle. First question, WHY? What exactly is it that makes Alex so special? He's literally a substitute for Mako who gets kicked to the curb to be a meaningless side character who occasionally speaks, not like because he never was with Asami he could work on building a healthy and fair relationship with Korra. No! Alex must be the only male with any game.

Oh yeah, the dead father angle too, about the only thing that might have been redeeming, a son losing his father who gave his life for the country he loves and swore to defend. This being what motivates him to action, honoring his father... but not in his world! He'll just keep playing Xbox late into the night and possibly prepare for a job in the work force. Instead of perhaps following in his father's footsteps and enlisting in the military so he too can do his part to defend his family against those that would cut their heads off and video tape it just for being from the west.

Not like there's a delayed entry program that many do while they're still in high school, that would allow him to work out and gain knowledge on military protocol and tradition. He would have a real basis for being in shape beyond courier work. Not to mention how it almost immediately gives the character a sense of duty and honor that he wants to serve. It would also make the fact he uses, "Rangers lead the way," in such a way that he seems to be the Ranger in question, be an easier pill to swallow despite the fact that he still doesn't rate that shit.

But I digress, he just has an overall unlikable attitude and really doesn't paint a flattering light on what's to come. Especially when most every other OC is some version of him, Kelly included. His older sister, who Deus Ex Machinaed her way in here is a perfect example. Within seconds of her arrival she's being obnoxious and sarcastic, not amusing, and thinks that its the time to flirt and creepily linger on Korra's hand. Not mentioning her appearance (Leather trench coat and black goth outfit? "Neo, you're the chosen one." The short spikey hair is also just stereotypical.)

Seriously though switch her gender out for a man in that scene and tell me it's not creepy. It should be easy to see despite her being female but people like to have blinders on for that kind of thing. But the worst part of this is that he has ZERO growth. He changes in absolutely no way from the beginning to the end. Same douche bag we started with we ended with. Could have had him be cocky, arrogant even, always mouthing off but as things went on he realizes he's not the biggest dog in the park and calms down, perhaps get's humbled. But instead nothing.

This part may seem to contradict the bit about the plots, but trust me and bare with me. Alex, for all his power and how loud he barks, changes absolutely zilch in the grand plot of the story. Nothing really changes in the end, nothing meaningful anyway. If he were a small OC with little sway then that's okay, but he's not, and yet despite everything you've given him he makes no impact on anything. You turned plenty of other characters stupid so that he could get a step ahead, WHY the fuck would Hiroshi put his company's emblem on a piece of equipment made for the Equalists? That would be like if I shot the President and left my ID at the scene.

Anyway, Alex learns all these things could make a difference, maybe change something for the better... and nothing. Nothing changes, the plot follows Book One to the letter. That is a very common issue with OCs they're little more than a fly on the wall in a lot of cases. His size depends on how powerful he is, yet at the end of the day he's still just a fly. And if you were to swat him it would be just as meaningless to the wall, just create a varying degree of mess but it doesn't actually damage the structure.

Now, I know, I've left you a rather scathing possibly even flaming review. I tried to offer constructive criticism the problem is a lot of these thing would be better scrapped and started over from scratch, such as the characters and the plot. There's nothing I can really tell you that would iron out the roughness here. Again though I'll tell you, my stuff wasn't a whole lot different, I also had weak characters and pretty Gary Stu mains.

If you have any questions, perhaps would like clarity on what I mean in some of my criticisms I'd be happy to do so. I would rather see you become a better writer than stagnate.

Good story... and bravo in series making -ish?
Alex and Asami works.

Good music choices for the characters... sound interesting

Glad Alex didn't have any of those bullshit "let the villain stand trial" Hero Compulsions. Also, Korra STILL being into him will probably make things a little confusing since nothing's happened between him and Asami. Looking forward to the sequel. As for Lucy, she could've been a LITTLE more specific in her message. Especially since out in the wild there aren't power cables for him to recharge with.

I wonder what makes Spider Rats "Mutant Freaks" given everything ELSE there is in the world; Akiko's response to them was funny. I would've gone with "kill it with fire" but that might be a meme in a world without Flamethrowers.
But seriously though, wouldn't the Earth King's "Bear Bear" aka "Bear" BE the Mutant?

Here's hoping Alex is SMART ENOUGH to ACTUALLY want to kill Tannon first instead of any of that "due process" BS. I doubt anything the White Lotus have could actually stop him the way he is NOW.

I wonder just what Tannan is up to.
Also, it wouldn't be too hard for Korra to DEMONSTRATE her multiple Bending Abilities and prove she's the TRUE Avatar. Also, Tannon left a mountain of bodies behind after ripping his way through the Nut House, so it'd be EASY to paint him as some kind of Chi Vampire, especially since KORRA has never outright killed anyone.

At the present, I don't see any reason for Alex to LEAVE Asami for Korra; especially after what they just shared. However, since this story is already Completed, I'll have to wait and see what happens. At the present, I just don't see any COMPELLING reason for Alex to change love interests.

Bar fight was awesome. I wonder if he called Tahno's friends "Thing One" and "Thing Two" to their faces. Wonder if his nose will still be broken by the finals.

Amelia Earhart was an interesting surprise. Shame she probably spent the rest of her days in a loony bin. Also, Korra kissing him will probably make things SUPER awkward because Alex is happily in a relationship with Asami.
Wonder how THAT can of worms will be bottled up.