This is pretty good, if heavy. He's got a group of true friends for him now if he chooses to open up. It's curious that you would introduce a new character post-Naoto, though. She comes in pretty late.

I'm guessing that this will eventually go into arena/ultimax if so I imagine kayane has his own route like everyone else so that should be the canon route for arena and for ultimax I imagine he'd be with rise and perhaps have them encounter the fake version of him which rise takes care of

Phew, finally re-read Momento Umbrae and this whole fic so I'm all up to date again! Really enjoyed this latest chapter and seeing how what was happening to Kayane. I'm looking forward to the next chapters regardless of how long they take to release

Really excited about this new update, i couldn't believe it when i saw the notification! I've not read the new chapter as I'd like to get a refresher on the plot first but I'm excited to get back into it and I'm looking forward to more

Good

Can you do a fanfiction for persona 5 that would be great

Hi! Saw this fic while I was roaming around on the archive 2 weeks ago, glad I did. OCs make a story unique, and your story shows suprises at times. Anyway, love the fic, and update soon!

I actually reread the whole story, it took awhile but I'm glad I did. It's still good as ever. And it's good to see an update too.

Spelling and grammar can be wrong in some places but never to the point of being a problem.

I will say I kind of hope kayane reveals the cutting thing soon but you have an outline of what you want happening so I'll just wait eagerly.

Also, I thought this before but never said it, but you shouldn't have to go through the trouble of making OC songs so often, i know you want to get a certain message across, but it helps immersion if people have an actual real song to occupy their heads when reading, I don't think it would be that much of a problem either.

I miss this story, it's great.

Finally caught up to where you left off!

I’ve been reading your fic for over a month now and, well, what can I say? It’s one of the few Persona fanfics on this site that’s made me want to come back reading some more, despite its considerable length. Your original characters are all top-notch and fit nicely in the Persona universe, and Kayane in particular feels as though he’s always been a natural part of the Investigation Team. Your plotting is also pretty consistent too, there were only very few moments where I felt as though you were just padding the chapters.

However, your grammar and dialogue punctuation could really use a lot of work. I’ve noticed one too many times throughout your work you would often misspell character names or write inconsistent pronouns (i.e. conflating “you’re” with “your”). I understand if you intentionally set yourself on a deadline, but please, try to proofread your chapters as much as needed while also getting other people to check for any errors you may have missed. It also helps to read your dialogue out loud, to check to see if it sounds natural to you.

When it comes to your flow of dialogue, it’s a bit more inconsistent. The canon characters speak naturally for the most part, but sometimes your dialogue goes on for far longer than intended, like in Chapter 45 between Kana and Naoto (which is in dire need of proofreading in my opinion). Try to break it down into smaller, simpler paragraphs for your readers to understand better, and try not to rely on dialogue tags so often for your characters. It’s important to use them when it comes to writing dialogue for many people present, but it’s not necessary when it comes to two people talking with each other. People can understand who's talking depending on their tone of voice and use of words, and who's currently present.

Also, this is only a small nitpick, but I feel you missed a huge opportunity to have Hamuko and Yu become acquainted with each other. They’re two Persona protagonists who share some similar characteristics and, in regards to the latter, says he wished he could have met Minato. Wouldn’t it have been nice for him to get to know him a little better by becoming friends with his twin? It would have been nice to see that happen, but oh well.

Anyways, despite my criticisms, I still really like your story and I hope I can get to see it completed. Just take your time on proofreading your chapters so that they can look as best as possible, okay? Good luck to you!

One and a half chapters in and I'm already attached and addicted to this fic. Hell, it even has me crying which is hard to do!

I'll admit, I had my doubts when I saw that the main character of this fic was an original character. I tend to have a low opinion of them when it comes to putting them in major roles, since most writers tend to justify their existence by squeezing them into parts that were fulfilled by other canon characters.

But so far, I think I can say I like your character's personality. He seems like a good foil compared to everyone else, and I think it's an interesting idea to have someone in the Investigation Team that truly has a dark and troubled past.

Well then, keep up the good work, man.

Great job with this story. Please make the next update ASAP!

I think you're doing a fantastic job with the ultimax story keep it up.

500k? You should feel proud of yourself this story is mind blowing on every level.