Very. Very. Very well done.

you write some of the best smut, my only problem is that the rose is eating not being eaten as the title suggests. blizzard pls fix

Mrrrau. This was both hot and sweet and I love Ladybug as a ship. Probably better than Bumbleby and MUCH MUCH better than White Rose, even tho they don't interact as much. Idk Blake just makes much more sense with Rubes than Weiss does. and I love the way you handle them. Blake is a girl who would be a bit hesitant both because she's friends with Ruby's sister AND because the age difference even if it's just two years. She is the kind of person to take these kind of things into consideration.

Okay, so I just recently found your Tumblr and saw that you wanted reviews for your fanfictions. This is the first one that I read because it just caught my eye. Here we go. (There will be both good and bad (more good than bad (a lot more))).

First, the bad.

Repeatedly referring to either character as ‘the faunus’ or ‘the leader’. This story is focused on the romance between Blake and Ruby. Both chapters are during incredibly intimate moments in their lives and both characters show how much they care for each other. It’s jarring for the characters to suddenly be referred to in such an impersonal manner. Though it is just the narration, the rest of the story is so thoroughly personal that the sudden use of such clinical terms is noticeable even though neither character actually uses them to directly describe the other.

There is occasionally a little bit of confusion as to who is talking. As the rest of the story was in the moment and flowed very well, this occasionally led to a moment of confusion that took me out of the narrative and had me look back to see which person had said what. This was a minor thing but could be done better, the tricky bit would be doing this without repeating ‘she said’, or something similar, over and over again.

The first and second chapters share a lot of their plot. This isn’t a bad thing so much as it potentially could be, each part of the story has a little bit different feel to it, Blake and Ruby seem noticeably closer in the second part, but it is something to look out for as formulaic writing can be boring by its very nature.

Now, the good.

The line between purple prose and purely expositional language is very well balanced. In many other places, the line ‘The faunus’ arousal soaked muscles were quivering like leaves in a storm, dams ready to burst under the weight of ecstasy’ would seem utterly ridiculous, instead I got chills when I read it. When things do get fancy with metaphors and extravagant language, there is enough lead up to it that it feels like a satisfying climax, rather than an attempt to make a simple scene seem more high-brow. The bits of more extravagant language used in the lead up are tasteful and not distacting.
Both chapters are very well paced for their length.

The mix between describing what is happening/setting the scene and moving the story forward is balanced so that it flows well, without feeling as if the action ever came to a halt to describe something.

Ruby is really, really cute in this.

BLAKE AND RUBY SEEM NOTICEABLY CLOSER IN THE SECOND PART THAN THE FIRST, THAT YOU DID THAT WITH SO LITTLE TIME SPENT ON IT IS REALLY AWESOME.

Both Blake and Ruby are believably in character, with appropriate changes in behavior for lasciviousness and nerves.

Ruby being the dominant one is played in a very believable way. Though it seems as if it should be out of character for Blake to be so under Ruby’s control, the way it is described, and especially the way chapter one sets up chapter two, by giving insight into an earlier point in the relationship, makes it feel as if both characters are reacting naturally.

The relationship contrasts the characters well. Blake being more shy, willing to wait, observe, and be careful is played against Ruby’s more adventurous, gung-ho, and brave nature. The dichotomy between the two believably sets up the position where Ruby is willing to take her relationship with Blake to the next level even to the point of needing to convince Blake into it but is still nervous about it due to her general awkwardness (and adorableness). Blake’s more reserved nature is expressed both by her waiting until Ruby brings up further levels of intimacy, and her reluctance to move forward until she is certain of Ruby’s desire to do so (Adding in the ‘don’t tell Yang’ and similar lines further strengthens how Ruby is willing to simply charge forward when Blake still has, in some corner of her mind, the thought of potential consequences)

Though very little time is actually spent with the characters, the extent, nature, and ‘feel’ of their relationship is conveyed through their interaction. I could see this relationship, and their relationship with the rest of the Beacon crew being natural and well integrated even through a much longer story. This is good, as it makes it seem like the relationship isn’t just an excuse to see the two characters together but a legitimate take on how a well-developed, healthy, and even balanced romantic relationship between the two is.

This related to my next point, that their relationship is a romantic relationship. Though the majority of the story is of their relationship progressing in a very physical manner, the relationship between the two feels like a fully developed romantic relationship, not ‘friends with benefits’ with ROMANCE slapped on top as many fanfics are want to do. You make clear that there are romantic feelings between the two, caring, and not just sexual attraction. How you do this is a bit harder to quantify but seems very much to do with how Blake and Ruby speak to each other and are both immediately the most concerned about how comfortable the other is. The moment Ruby brings up either kissing or sex, she asks of Blake is okay with it, and Blake’s first concerns are about if Ruby is ready to take that step (and Yang, but fear of Yang is just logical, especially when you have her little sister’s head in your crotch).

I really like your story, personally, because of the excellent use of language, some parts are just very pretty writing, because both of the characters are in character and act naturally, and because your story is a story of physical intimacy in a relationship and the emotional intimacy of the relationship is important to the physical intimacy.

Also it was hot. Like, really, really hot.

Ladybug fluffsmut is my lifeblood.

Love it

A wonderful little erotic short story, would love to read more. The subtle humor really fit well, too.

This is so cute! I love it!

from fluff to smut I love it Ladybug for the win

ahhhh! So adorable!

This is a great story so far. Are you planning on continuing it?

Yo Peep, GateMasterGreen here with a review for you!

Love the way this is written. Very few errors, as a bonus!

Love the lemon, by the way. And not just in the perverted way, I enjoyed the way it was written. The words fit the situation and the flow was consistent. It didn't follow the go to lemon recipe of breast-crotch-switch-repeat, which is nice.

I don't review often enough when it comes to praising stories and Ladybug is OTP, so it can't be helped. XD

Sexy. I love it. Well done. Please, keep it up.

Citrus and Licorice?
isnt that an actual flavor?
i can see Ruby buying some citrus flavored licorice, and giggling, with only Blake getting the joke

I'm actually confused. Is chapter 2 a continuation from chapter 1? Because it reads more like a completely different scene, like it takes place a couple of days or weeks later.