Beautiful story! This is probably the only well-written Hunter and Bobbi fanfic I've ever read. It's full of a emotion and really shows how much Bobbi cares about Hunter. I really like how you've portrayed her thoughts from this moment in the show.

[Her movements are stiff and she can feel the dried blood caking her skin, can feel the ghost of the needles jammed in her hand, can feel the fire burning up her leg, except it's worse than fire because she's been on fire and this is definitely not that.] Great description!

[Because he probably wouldn't listen, dammit, and she knows because of the number the fights they had about responsibility and folding the laundry when asked and the laundry was still never folded.] I liked the way, in her thoughts, Bobbi kept comparing aspects of her current situation to experiences her and Hunter had as a couple. It helped add a bit more of a romantic touch to the story, while still keeping the tension of the situation.

[Love is sacrifice.] A simple yet powerful phrase. I thought this line summed up this story perfectly. One of the most powerful ways love can be expressed is through what you're willing to give up for that person. In this case, Bobbi was willing to give up her life for Hunter.

I didn't come across any spelling, grammar or punctuation errors, so well done for that.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this story. It was beautifully written.

Well done! Keep up the great writing!

Jaz

Hi! Dropping in from the RLt, so I'm afraid I'm pretty much fandom-blind (because I have NO idea who she or he are in this story). Still, I've never let that stop me from enjoying a good read. :3

This was sad - [She can't let him die, that much she knows, and was that the point of all this?] Really, it's just sick. This one line paints a very good (if horrible) picture of what's going on. She's a prisoner, she's tied up, she's wounded, she was drugged, and she's bait. This is the part that hit me like a punch. It's not supposed to be her necessarily to die, but she's being tortured sure enough. I may not know the who or the why, but I am drawn to her and her predicament as if I already do. Wow. - and scary - [It's pushing with all possible force and throwing her weight and the chair tips and - ] This is wonderful, too. It's the one real bit of action in the whole one-shot, sitting all alone on its own line, and it grabbed my heart and ran away with it as surely as any good musical score. - and melancholy - [She can't let him die and there's a hand on the doorknob and is it wrong to hope it's him] I want to yell at her that it isn't wrong, lol. I love how stream-of-consciousness this particular part is. It builds off the panic that has been building since line one. I love how she gets closer and larger to me in these moments, and then backs off again because time doesn't stop or slow for anyone, only to get big again as the next wave of fear and regret sweep through her. - and sweet - the bit about Saturday mornings and pancakes and all that - and all the feels have just about killed me.

Even though I truly did enjoy this, I had trouble with one small thing. Early in the one-shot, she thinks this: [She would tell him she loves him for the last time], and I get that they lived together at the very base of who they are. I assumed there was love there. But then she sort of switches her viewpoint to something more distant: [Maybe this is love, she thinks, and love is weird.] It's as if she's not sure she's experienced love before, and I wouldn't expect that from a woman who lives with a man. From someone dating, yes, but not established. Thoughts?

I'm going to remember this one for a long time. It's wonderfully written!

~ Anne

Fandom Blind, though I didn't need to be proficient to understand this story.

I think the first thing you did very well, was the descriptions. They were concise in their execution, appropriate and well placed, considering the setting. The unique style about the descriptions, is that it's all a little disorganized, and desperate, and I feel this is a very cool touch, and heightens the impact of the story quite nicely.

THe love story in this story, is astonishingly well done. Without any dialogue, and with pure narrative, I think you've pulled off quite a feat here, and I love how between her desperation, she still thinks of Lance, and makes her ultimate sacrifice, and there is the theme of the story, layered behind love.

Sacrifice, and what a powerful theme it was. The honest line of [love is sacrifice] just completely hit the reader emotionally, and I must say with the build up, the emotion leading up to it, and with the good descriptions of love, it was a fantastic theme to use in this story. Her willingness to die for him borne out of sacrifice, out of sheer love. Such a powerful message, and theme.

Lastly, I will commend you on how you made her remember mundane moments, day to day routines, of their love, and it madde it so much more bittersweet. While mundane, those are memories of their relationship, which really does make it true and genuine and deep and wow, it heightens the impact of the theme.

OVerall, amazing portrayal of themes, and very deep story layered with powerful emotions and, yeah. I really liked it. With a great character, as well. Quite surreal that this is only 696 words.

Kudos to you. I can't nitpick, lol.

-Art

Coming in with fandom blindness.

First of all you captured the emotions of the situation very well, using correlations between the physical happenings of the situation and how the Bobbi interprets that in her panic was just so well executed. I especially love the line "his foot steps sound as panicked as she feels." This is the one that sets the tone for me, where I knew that the emotions were going to be the main focus and done well.

I also love the scale you put into it. "maybe there's a door some miles behind here" gives me the impression that she's being held at an extremely well guarded and enormous institution held by some dastardly no gooders. For Lance to take that upon himself, for his ex-wife, pulled at my heart strings.

Knowing the relationship these characters have, it almost tears me up seeing the lengths Lance could still go through. I'm sure this would have had a better impact on me if I was more familiar with the characters themselves.

All in all, this was very well written. You follow the "what does the character fell, not the writer" rule, but some of the sentences seemed to drag on a bit longer than they should have. It threw me out of it at times, but that could just be me. Cheers.

- Edge

From the first few lines to the last, the feeling of dread remained in my chest. Very few stories can do that to me. I applaud the mystery the author puts in the main character making fandom blind readers, including me, want to look into who she really is and what she's done to get into this situation. Cramming so much emotion into about eight hundred words is quite an impressive thing to accomplish and letting the reader relish in the fact that the main character got to have a wish answered is a plus for the story. Absolutely a great story. I'm glad to have read it.

Hi hi! Congrats on having your story chosen for Story of the Week at RLt. I’m absolutely canon-blind, but I really don’t think it matters since you have this story is beautiful detail.

Let’s start here: [Her movements are stiff and she can feel the dried blood caking her skin, can feel the ghost of the needles jammed in her hand, (and) can feel the fire burning up her leg.] What great sensory detail is this? It’s absolutely amazing when I see a writer on Fanfiction write perfect sensory detail. But this has also built suspense through the story too. It’s making me ask questions like, “How did she get there?” “Where is there?” Etc.

[She’s imagining the way he used to wake her up on Saturday mornings, with his words tickling her ears and the soft kiss to her shoulder.] She’s thinking back, creating the hurtful tone of the story. Every time we cut to a small flashblack of them together, then go forward to where we are now, it gives the reader a heartfilled feeling.

[Maybe this is love…and love is weird.] Love does strange things to people. What she is going through is strange. I really like the connotation you’ve been giving “love” in this story. Love has many different meanings and this is just one of them. You are literally creating a story, describing the character’s definition of love. [Love is sacrifice] is an example of the definition given in the story. One person in the pair will do anything, give anything for the other. It’s pure love.

[She will die here, right now, looking at the stars in his eyes, as long as he knows she did it for love, she did it for him.] Beautiful ending this this beautiful story. It’s tragic, but very sentimental. It gave a meaning to love. It’s patient, it’s kind, but it’s also very cruel, and we saw it clearly in this story.

This was an absolute joy to read. Very happy I did.

A job well done.
-Sapphire

Fandom-blind since I do not watch Agents of SHIELD, but after a quick Wiki search, I think I understand the gist of the two characters being used.

For starters, I loved the introduction to this one-shot. By having a short sentence starting things off, I am already tuned in to see what is going on. I also want to point out that I also love the fact that you do not have any dialogue in this fic, even the fact that you don’t use any names in here as well – kudos for making such a vivid image without these points. Your descriptions also make this fic easy to follow for those who may be fandom-blind, so kudos again for achieving that!

As exes, Lance and Bobbi have a bit of history together, which is shown throughout this one-shot with thoughts running through Bobbi’s mind of doing the unthinkable out of love and knowing that Lance won’t listen to her as based off of their past bickering. Even while trying to save Lance – someone that she has fallen out of love – Bobbi wants the best to occur. Though it doesn’t happen, she knows why she took the bullet – it was out of love, and of a sacrifice. What an amazing message to portray.

In terms of SPAG, I spotted no errors while reading, so nice work with that!

Overall, this was a great one-shot! I loved the conflict that was presented in front of Bobbi, and her decision to take her life, in hopes that Lance knows why she did it. Excellent job once again, and happy writings to you in the near future! :)

Coming over from the Reviews Lounge and fandom blind here.

You did a really good job of setting the scene with just a few words. The sense of helplessness is real and urgent as she can hear him screaming, but she is not capable of doing anything. And you carry that theme throughout the story pretty well even as you show just how much your character loves him and wants to save him until she figures the one way she can save her love.

I liked your decision not to name anyone in this story. Now I imagine those who know your fandom will know who the two characters are, but even not knowing, I still found that it worked. It worked because this is a story about to two people who love each other and the lack of name lets the reader imagine him or herself in the your character's shoes. For we all are a 'she' who has a 'he' that they would do anything for..

I also love how you connected the abstract with the real, the feelings with regular day to day example of what those feelings mean. From waking up on Saturday mornings to laundry fights to soft. Those real moments, remembered in moments of pain sum up the love she feels for him - a love that is real and strong and meaningful. Therefore, when she thinks 'love is sacrifice' we know exactly why she will sacrifice for him.

In all a really effective emotional piece. Good job!

Truly beautiful. You painted such an emotionally charged moment with skill. Kudos :)

Hey there, I'm coming over from The Review's Lounge, Too, because this one-shot has been named SOTW! Congrats!

I'm pretty familiar with Marvel but a little behind on AoS, so excuse me for being a little fandom blind. Your descriptions are very well-done, you are able to a lot only using 700 words. I love the fact I feel I learned so much about the relationship dynamics between Bobbi and Lance with the use of any dialogue, very rarely can be this executed properly and you did it amazingly. The first suggestion popped up into my head is that you may want to consider bumping the rating up to a T due to the content in the story, because some might view the 'splattering of blood' to be an automatic T, but I'm okay with the rating.

You definitely hit on the sacrifice part, for one love is a sacrifice in itself, and now Bobbi is willing to die so that Lance can continue to live- she shows what she is willing to die for. The nuances within the story are great, because you are able to catch the pain and turmoil behind a quite dramatic situation, yet project the thoughts of a dying character reflecting on her relationship and what the consequences of her dying may become. Even when she is dying she is still focused on Lance and what he will go through. Especially here: "brokenness of her and how helpless he must feel," and how this is far more painful than bleeding to death.

The ending definitely tugs at the emotions when you write "...for hot pancakes and soft kisses and the way he would...," and this is reinforced when you say for the time they never will, for it is clear she is summarizing in her mind why it is worth it for her to die for him. I found myself rereading this one-shot several times, because it was so powerful and conveyed a deep meaning. I haven't seen the actual scene from the show yet, but now you have inspired me to catch up with AoS just to see this. Great job!

beautifully bittersweet :') i really like it ;-)

Hi! Fandom blind, so sorry if I get canonical things wrong here. :)

Amazing descriptions! The usage of auditory details (and also 'feel') here is just brilliant. It begins with the character hearing somebody yelling at her and later, how loud the opening door is. Then she feels stiff, dried blood, etc are just great for the 'feel' descriptions.

I first thought that the long and stringy sentences could be separated to some shorter sentences, but turns out that such style is more fitting to the whole work. The character is in a prison, tied up, and dying. I can understand if her thoughts are all over the place.

The topic is love, and it's conveyed beautifully. Bobbi doesn't want to hurt Lance by letting him see her die, because she loves him. But this also means that there will be a sacrifice. Bobbi has to die alone if she doesn't want to hurt Lance. [Love is sacrifice.] This line is simple, but powerful. Bobbi prefers dying alone, and this is all for love; for Lance. The last two paragraphs just make this theme even more bittersweet, considering how heartwarming the mentions of pancakes, etc are and how they contrast to the bleak atmosphere throughout the story: a character in a prison, tied up, and dying.

Quick note: I'd suggest raising the rating to T, considering that there are a few f-words and the mention of blood, especially splattering blood.

Well done!

And love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. :)

Really though, I saw that title and I said out loud, "Reading that! :D"

"This is love, she decides." And I find myself nodding with a sad smile that yes, this is definitely love.

The tasteful choice in memories absolutely warmed my heart. Little, but deeply personal moments that happen all the time. The laundry that never got folded. The pancakes. Those Saturday mornings, echoed, and looked back on so fondly.

Bobbi's love is pragmatic, too. "Wants to go quickly so that he won't be disillusioned with chances of saving her." Another form of love, wanting to save him any grief she can because she already knows it'll hurt him to see her go. But if he doesn't get it into his head that it's not too late when it is, it'd be one less sorrow, and he can accept her sacrifice better.

Love is definitely sacrifice. It's so beautiful how in all these thoughts and choices she's choosing him. Wants him to live, loves him more than herself. It's pure, it's good, it's amazing, and it's just love :D

Oh my god. This was beautiful. Gave me so many feelings, I loved it.

Hi there! I am a moderator at the Reviews Lounge, Too where your story was recently housed in our wonderful Archives as an under reviewed story. I’m going to be reviewing your story today because it is definitely under reviewed and in need of some serious love. I'm pretty much fandom blind here in regards to AoS, so I cannot comment on canon material or things related to the fandom specifically, sadly. That said, though, on with the review!

I honestly love this here: ((She can't let him die and there's a hand on the doorknob and is it wrong to hope it's him, to see him one last time before forever is cut short? Is it cruel to want to die in his place and to make him watch the life drain away?)) because it simply explains how much Bobbi loves Lance. It's so human to want to have our loved one be there with us when we are at the end of the line. It's natural to want to see them, to tell them we love them, to say goodbye. It's also absolutely normal to want to protect them in a situation like this, to do the heroic thing and make sure that they make it out okay, that they will survive. It is a testament not only to Bobbi's training and role as a operative, but to her being a woman as well. She wants Lance there, but she wants to protect him and make sure that he survives as well.

((Love is sacrifice.))-THIS! This is the most honest line in this whole piece! This is the epitome of love. It is sacrifice, it is pain, it is happiness and hope, it is good times and bad. Love is everything. Bobbi is willing to die so her loved one will survive and go on to fighting for what it is that they both believe in.

Really love how here: ((She did it for Saturday mornings, for hot pancakes and soft kisses and the way he would hug her from behind and rest his head on her shoulder.)) that you tie the summary into the narrative itself. It really ties together the meaning of the piece and makes it have a much more solid and prominent position. You also deepen that meaning here by saying: ((She did it for the time they had and the time she wishes they had and the time they never will, for all he meant and all he means and for the way he would call sometimes when he was drunk and read sad poetry into her voice mail.)) because these essentially are her final thoughts and the way she is justifying her choice to sacrifice herself for this man that she wishes she had forever with, but only had a few stolen moments in time. She is doing it for him, doing it for love, and so long as he knows that, she's okay with her decision.

In all, this was a very bittersweet and tragic piece. Good job!