Awww! Cute! Nice story. (3

The first paragraph feels to blocky compared to the rest and the sentences run oddly.

"...entrance hall of his estate, the house was quiet the servants were gone..."

These are all separate parts, but they slur together. If you want to break it up into a more manageable, readable piece it should look a little more like this:

"...entrance hall of his estate; the house was quiet and the servants were gone..."

Do you see how it reads better?

I noticed that several times in your fic, but in the first line especially is bad as it give the reader a bad impression of you and your work.

I also wish the song had been in italics as to separate from the actual action of the story, you know? It would be easier to see where the story is and where the song is.

Overall it was sweet and I liked that, I just feel you could do better by correcting some things.

Karen
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