the concept of this story is great but it seems very detached and is hard to read. all the characters seem flat and boring, nothing feels very genuine. some more descriptive words would go a long way. remember that writing a book is a lot different than saying a story out loud - we can't all see the picture you have in your head for this story

This story would be good if it weren't for the juvenile writing. Everything is so detached and nothing flows nicely like a good story should. And the character is just flat and boring. I mean, even tomboys have to dress up for royalty. Mia just comes off as bratty, selfish and belligerent with no layers or motivation at all. Also, this story tells far too much as opposed to showing. Showing is much more preferable. I don't understand how people can find this story great.

Awwwwwwww...! That was so cool. I loved it

Best beginning of a story ever!

Awwwww...it's over?

YYUUUUSSSSS! XD EPILOGUEEE!

Wow, thats a very...I don't know...I sorta see the end as very sad...

Anyways, YUSSS! PUT UP THE NEXT TIMELINE, TOMODACHI! XD

I like the ending. The whole part of Peter ruling over the town then choosing to be with Mia instead love it. But I felt like the rest of it was a bit rushed. I don't mind how you set the ending up but I think you could of stretch it out longer to make it more realistic in a way instead of just stating it. But I still love your fanfic.

ahhhhhhh u cut it off there! lol please please please please update asap!

...

love how Peter explains that he truly loves her. ugh, Rumple ruined the moment

Awwwwww...

Wow David and Neal really need to stop blaming her

I hope Peter survives.i don't want him to die

Ruh-row! D:

Ok, so idk about other people, but I'm that one weird person who ABSOLUTELY LOVES cliff hangers! I always find it is a good tactic for authors to get their story more interesting. It makes people want to read more and more! Also, this story is SO good! I mean it's written so well. It has a constant storyline. The characters are written just right, and Mia is different from most of the other Peter Pan/OC stories. She was with him from an early stage. She is more rebellious than most. :D keep it up!