So beautiful. Also so sad. You handled it perfectly, though. Both of their emotions were perfect. I wish the show had explored their emotions more and growth back together. Thankfully we have wonderful fictions like yours to fill the void.

This is the only realistic take I've ever read on this part of the story. It would be just too ease for them to get there as if nothing had happened. Of course, Anna was not the only one damaged out of the encounter. Far from it.
Thanks for writing this.

Very powerful!

How the angst hurts my heart. But I often thought that John might potentially have trouble re-starting that part of their life because all he'd be able to think about was what she'd gone through. You handled this very thoughtfully and sensitively, and although it was very painful to read, it was true to character. And even though it was painful, I'm grateful for the note of hope at the end, that with time and work they could get that part of their life back one day. The tenderness and love between the two of them was palpable, and even through their blaming of their own selves, I'm glad they could talk about it and get everything out in the open.

There is so much right with this story. I found my heart aching for the both of them, but at the same time I wasn't disheartened. They're both struggling with conflicting emotions in themselves, but each and every one is valid. And of course John would be affected - any couple would be this way, but given that he and Anna are so close, this is particularly true. This was very handled well, and I hope would be reflected in S5 (I doubt to this fine detail, but at least in the issue of finding intimacy again).

I was thinking about this situation a few weeks ago and I had a few ideas for writing something similar, but you wrote this so beautifully that I'm not even going to try it anymore. Of course it's not only Anna who's traumatized by the events and I think you wrote it all very sensitively. You're very good at writing about these sensitive subjects and I was glad to see that you were the one to write this. It's a shame that this was never dealt with in the show.

Last review was me, by the way. I forgot to log in, but now I've added a review to TGotI too. You really do Bates and Anna angst so well.

I've been reading DA fanfic for several months now, but this is the second time it's made me actually cry. Not even the show has made me teary-eyed; only your fantastically angsty writing. First time was Guilt of the Innocent. Here this time when John tells Anna to stop trying and she does and is like, oh yes of course, "I understand...", that was it, I curled up into a ball of hurt and wept. You are the queen of Bates and Anna angst.

This is a beautiful piece of healing and how hard that process is but that can occur with love and patience.

Anna's line "I feel as though the harder I try, the harder it becomes for us to get back what we had. And I so want it back for both of us" is so heartbreaking but accurate. I can just hear it coming out of her mouth.

Well done!

PLEASE write more! I would love to see you explore how they regain that part of their lives back. You get into John's head so well. I would be happy with one or two more chapters. I can't be the only one asking for this.

that was beautiful

Loved it! I like that this was from John's perspective, I know that what happened Anna should primarily be about her, but I think if the story had the time to be properly told we would see John's struggles as well and knowing how much he loves Anna, I imagine he would really struggle with this aspect of their relationship like he did here. Wonderful as always.

Very touching. This is the first fix I've read where John can't continue. So heartbreaking. I hope you'll continue.

I like it. No not a fluff piece but very good indeed! Thanks

This was amazing. Again, if JF had not spent series 4 turning Bates into a potential cold-blooded killer, some thing like this would have been so much more meaningful. I always thought the result of the Bates' slow burn love story was that they would have actually been a very physically and emotionally passionate couple. Obviously, the rape would have had traumatic consequences for both aspects of their love -I appreciate the thoughtful way you have explored this. I realize they are in a time period where many things are not spoken, but I have always thought their relationship was a true partnership, and that their discussions and openness with each other (pre-attack) would have been more progressive in many ways. I would love to see this closeness rebuilt onscreen. Instead, I agree with Awesome Green Tie that spoilers make it seem that we are just in for another series of secrets between Anna and John. Thank goodness for great writers like you who give these characters the fleshing out they deserve.