Hey, Meagan! I'm Ellie; I'm a member over at The Room, though I tend to pop in and out as college and family demands vary. I was looking for someone to review, and seeing as how you're a new member and I'm rather on a Harry Potter kick at the moment, I thought I'd pay you a visit. ;)

First off, I love your idea for this fic. It's always fun to see scenes from different characters' POVs, this fic also has so many possibilities of playing around with the characters' voices, especially since it's in a diary format.

As for this entry in particular, I liked seeing Lily's perspective on James and Severus's fights, how what to them are significant encounters are to her just maddening sameness. And I especially love how in the whole heated exchange, only two words really stick out to her: Snape's hateful "mudblood," and her angry "Snivellus." They've both reached a new low today, although the majority of the fault lies with Snape.

There were a few sentences that were a bit difficult to read. For instance, I had to reread, "I just don't get why he can't leave what that pigheaded James Potter says to him, alone" a couple of times before I understood what it was saying. Do you think you could simplify the sentence by saying something like, "I just don't get why he can't ignore what that pigheaded James Potter says to him"? Also, be careful with how you use semicolons; I think you had them a bit mixed up with colons and commas. A semicolon connects two independent thoughts, two separate but related sentences. To introduce an idea or a sequence of events or a term, you can use either a comma (little emphasis), a colon (more emphasis, but in an objective way), or a dash (lots of emphasis). There were several places where you used semicolons where you should have used commas or colons or dashes:
- "Everyday it's the same thing; Potter insults Sev, Sev retaliates by hexing Potter, which almost always ends up in a duel." - A semicolon is a little awkward here; a colon or even a dash would work a lot better, since the first part of the sentence introduces the second.
- "It all started like usual; Potter was antagonizing Severus and Severus attempted to retaliate..." - Again, I would use a colon or a dash here.
- "The words at this point are a blur, but one word sticks out more than the rest; Severus Snape, my best friend for six years, had called me a mudblood." - I'd definitely use a dash here; the level of emotion behind this sentence merits lots of emphasis.
- "...that vile nickname, the one that made his fingers curl in anger around his wand; Snivellus." - You're introducing the name in the leadup to "Snivellus," so I'd probably use a colon. You might be able to get away with a comma, but a colon would probably be clearer.

Anywho, aside from some readability issues due to punctuation and sentence structure, I enjoyed your story and I love the concept. Keep up the good work!

~Tolkienscholar (a.k.a. Ellie)

These are pretty good and I like reading them. I would like to see some Molly or maybe Andromeda Tonks.

Can't say much about Marge, but I would love to talk to her about Bulldogs. I think bulldogs are so cute.

Hey, Fleur knows what she wants in a man and can get it. ;)

You are doing a good job with this even with the background charachters. I can see Amelia being like this.

Interesting one here. I like this series.

I can see this one being from Narcissa. She cares more about Draco than the Death Eaters and the blood status BS

She may be strict but McGonagall is smart. ;)

Of course Ron would want his sister on the Chudley Cannons. :P

Nice start to this and I could see Lily thinking like that. I couldn't have been easy on her for her childhood friend to call her something vile.

Meagan, congrats on being named the SAtC! You can tell forum baby about it when she gets older!

So, this time I’m up to Hermione. It took me a long time to warm up to her as a character. I’ve known too many people like her, and in fact I see some of my worst traits in her, but I think if Rowling had included some of her first moments with knowledge of being a witch, I might have liked her sooner.

I love the way you interlace little bits and piece of the fandom into every chapter. This time talking about the shops and books was particularly good. Those books make Hermione who she is within the canon and without them she’d just be a know-it-all.

I love the fact that she’s already decided she doesn’t want to be a Slytherin, but I always wondered if she would have made a better Ravenclaw, but I guess the sorting hat knows best!

Great job!

Hi Hi!

It's so exciting to get back into this story. It certainly brings back memories.

Sorry I'm not on my laptop or computer so if my review quality isn't great, I apologize in advance and I can always make it up to you.

Thank you so very much on joining the fun of the Block Party. This is your block party review game review.

This chapter, out of all the ones I read prior, probably excited me the most because it featured my favorite female character in the HP series. Honestly, though, I'd never thought about how she'd come across the school and how she would've discovered her inherent magic. I've only read up to Goblet of Fire so I'm not sure if this entry was based on the canon or not, but either way, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

The best thing about these diary entries is how well thought out they are and that they show a past that never seems OOC... even when it's prior to when they become this or that way. Rather, you show in the entries how they became this way.

One such way is when the discussion of whether Hermione is going to a school of magic and how they as a family talked things over. It was a very revealing moment for me because it made sense that her parents qualities would be carried on with her. She often debated with Ron and others about whether something was right but at the time, she was humble enough to listen to reason. Just like her parents.

Another great moment for me was seeing how Hermione prepared herself. I love that you kept her so in character in such a big way. She didn't just read what was required, no, not Hermione... She read far beyond that. It made total sense that would happen with her especially as she seemed more knowledgeable of this stuff than even Ron who was raised around magic.

I thought this journal entry was a perfect prologue to the life of Hermione! You brought a smile on my face!

Thanks for writing,
Until Next Time,
Neo

Just a small disclaimer that I'm half-fandom blind. I've only seen the films and have never read the books, but that's not normally a problem.

Oh, and this premise of diary entries is extremely intriguing. I felt like this particular entry was extremely realistic, because we know that as some point, Lily and Severus' relationship hit a bump, so of course, when this occurred, Lily would find herself confused and have no where to turn. She'd need someone to speak to, somewhere to sort it out, so what better place than a diary.

It's really too bad this rift between the two of them occurred, but I think Severus was just as hurt and confused. He definitely despised James' torture (and who wouldn't, really?), but Lily tried her best to defend him, to make James stop.

It's intriguing that Lily found things to be a blur when things started going downhill, but the one word that sticks out was mudblood. I can't even recall why Severus called her that myself, though I do recall it happening. Wasn't it actually to protect her by driving her away? Sorry, I cannot remember exactly, but that's not really the point.

The point is Lily didn't understand what was going on or why. All she understands is how horrible she feels that all of a sudden, her best friend has turned on her. And that caused her to join in on the bullying of Severus herself, even though she knows in her heart she shouldn't have done so. Even though she's angry, I love that she still doesn't want to hurt him.

I love how quickly this ends. She's poured her heart out, and her friends came to tell her Severus is nearby, so she's got to tell him to go away. Makes sense that even though she's hurt and maybe wishes things were different, I think this shows the damage has already been done, and I'm not sure there's any turning back. I really enjoyed this. Well done! :)

A few things:

I just don't get why he can't just leave—Having two 'justs' so close together is a bit redundant. I think it might be better to eliminate one of them: I don't get why he can't just leave...

lifting Sev upside down—How can he lift him upside down. Perhaps: lifting Sev up and turning him upside down might make a bit more sense?

of it, and marched—no comma needed here

coaxing, he let Sev down.-Again, this is a bit redundant, since you say the exact same phrase in the sentence before. Perhaps: coaxing, he finally did what I'd asked.

anyone though,-anyone, though,

wand; Snivellus.-wand: Snivellus.

Oh Merlin, Marlene and Alice—Oh, Merlin, Marlene, and Alice

Hello there, m'dear! This review is both for your participation in the first ever HT Block Party, but also because you are you and deserve the fantabulous things for that very reason! I think this idea is very unique and I love that you focused upon the women in the HP fandom instead of just doing a mish-mash of whatever HP character struck the whimsy. Starting off with Lily and showcasing her thoughts following a confrontation we only see in a very short flashback sequence. The friendship between Severus and Lily is one I wish had been fleshed out more because I think it presents such an interesting twist on his later relationship with Harry (and the surprising turn of how he actually was protecting Harry in spite of how it looked).

This line here: ((Severus Snape, my best friend for six years, had called me a mudblood.)) is striking because of how it illustrates the destruction of their friendship. Words are cruel, and Severus knows exactly what one to use in order to hurt Lily the most. However, even as hurt as she is, she still admits how she ((should've never stooped to James Potter's level and called Severus that vile nickname, the one that made his fingers curl in anger around his wand; Snivellus.)) It shows how much she cares about Severus, how much she's willing to willing to try and forgive what he said because she understood he had been humiliated, yet again, by the prankster, James Potter and was simply looking to get back some of his pride and dignity in whatever way he could.

I also like how she admits that ((Coming from anyone else,)) she ((might've been able to just shrug off)) her ((hurt and walk away.)) However, she can't do so because this is not just some ordinary pure blooded wizard here. It's Severus, ((the boy who even with his fascination with the dark arts,)) that she stuck by)), because in Lily's opinion, ((best friends stick together, no matter what.)) Again it hints at the friendship that the two share, the decades of secrets and how they'd supported each other when they got to Hogwarts and started on the path to becoming wizards. Again, I wish more of this had been developed in the books and movies, but you do a great job of explaining what isn't.

In all, I really liked this piece and think it is a great and imaginative concept that allows for in-depth exploration of characters who are not given much focus. Fantabulous job!

Sorry it took me forever to review! I've been so overwhelmed with things that I'm slowly working my way backwards (oldest to newest) through my fanfic emails. I really enjoyed this one and Cho's wasn't bad, she just always annoyed me. I really can't wait for Marge so I hope you update soon. I'd like to see Luna Lovegood, Hannah Abbott, Susan Bones, and Matilda Hopkirk. :)