Wow! That was amazing! I love the part where he said his last words to Destiny

I have to admit that this piece is beautiful because it addresses the prompt quite well and shows that destiny does not consider our feelings when we die. I love the metaphors you use in this piece to show the pain Siruis feels over as actions as a whole and comes to show how he has changed. He was originally selfish, but he has become selfless and use them against himself as a whole. I also like how you did so much despite there being only one spoken line in this text. I also liked how you did something philospical by comparing Bellatrix and her opponent. Impressive piece!

I love this so much!

Your beginning really grabbed me. Mostly because Sirius Black doesn't seem like the person to have regrets. From what we see of him in the books, he seems like a pretty carefree person! But as soon as I read all through the second paragraph, I thought "Wow, you are totally right!" You definitely nailed Sirius's reckless personality. Some stories make me see a certain character differently, but this one is making me look at this character differently. (Does that make any sense? I doubt it's illustrating what I'm trying to illustrate.) 'Cause see, I've always loved Sirius and felt bad for him. But I've never thought, you know, "Wow, he must feel horrible about not saving his best friend from Voldemort."

I really love your comparisons in those beginning paragraphs. Not only do you illustrate the point, but hey, you've somehow managed to use other bits of the HP universe to create those comparisons! And that just makes it doubly awesome. Spots like this "The regret lived like a house elf in his soul, always devoted to the wellbeing of his self-loathing" and this "why am I always a day late and a galleon short?" That's just so great!

I think out of the whole piece, this was my favorite paragraph. "So, the brave, clever, and energetic man, known to most as traitor, as Judas, was also a godfather and the only family to a boy who was even braver, cleverer, and energetic than he. There was no force on heaven or earth that would keep Sirius Black from coming to that precious boy's aid." Love the repetitiveness in the first sentence! Also, to that second one, just a great big AWWWW. (Seriously though, that's awfully endearing.)

Interesting the way you include the dementors. Obviously they were a big part of Sirius's life, but that's such a fascinating thought that he'd learn such a valuable life lesson from his time in Azkaban.

It makes me happy that he managed not to hate Bellatrix. That takes major talent. And it makes me happy that he finally found peace before he died. Poor Sirius. He had a hard life.

Let me just say that your transition was amazing. You brought up his struggles, then slowly resolved them, and it was all so smooth it blew me away.

Splendid personification of "Destiny," too. What a snobby little girl.

Anyway, I very much enjoyed this story. Keep up the good work! :)

I hate you right now. I really do. Why, why, why did I have to pick this story, which is making me feel like I'm about to cry. There has to be something wrong with me. I'm an M.

Okay, self loathing over, I loved this. It was very beautiful and poignant, however cliche that sounds. I loved how Sirius realized that, despite the fact that he was brave and all that other stuff, Harry had it more than equal measure, and no matter what he did, he could only protect him for a little while.

Also, 'a day late and a galleon short', loved it. Awesome.

When you said that Sirius thought of Bellatrix as a young girl, it kind of made me shiver. You don't really think of villain's backstories very much, but they can be so fun to hear about too.

Dat ending! Wat r u doing 2 me!? You're killing me! This line 'It was a shame to find again one's feelings and ones destiny at the same moment, because sometimes destiny does not always consider our feelings' pretty much ripped my heart out of my chest, threw it to the ground and spit on it. I hope you're happy with yourself. I'mma go cry now.

Only criticism is when he shouts as he falls into the veil. He's already dying, and he's falling into the death veil, so I don't think he'd be shouting right now. Maybe a hoarse cough or groan, but not a shout.

SPAG: I only saw a few things, so this is short right here.

Paragraph 4: "So, the brace, clever-" Brave, not brace, I think.

Paragraph 10: ", but those words weren't direct at her" Directed makes more sense to me, personally.

Paragraph 10: ', or telling him stories about the Marauder's adventures' Saying 'Marauder's' makes it sound like there was only one of them in that group. Try 'Marauders' adventures'. :)

I hope my review was helpful, and I loved this story so much, aside from the whole about to cry thing. Great job, Kazu.

I love the personification you use of Destiny-as if it's an actual person... Which it seems it is, always changing regardless of what we've been through or feel. Choosing Sirius Black as your focus character was also an interesting move-I'd assume Snape or Harry himself for this type of topic but rather, the less appreciated character of the fandom was chosen (less appreciated in MY family anyway).

I love how you use both anaphora and epistrophe in this peace; "his smile, his pride, his fear." etc. One of my favorite rhetorical devices to point out. Hehe.

Warmest regards (and hugs!)
-Swords-chan

Hey!

Congrats on getting picked!

This story definitely deserved it. :) I haven't read Harry Potter in a couple years and I never was a big fan of it. I just never got it. Although I remember Siruis Black...he was my favorite...besides Severus Snape. This was a wonderful angst one-shot. Your descriptions were great and almost poetic the way you went into his thoughts and emotions. You definitely great at angst!

I really like on how much you showed that he cared about Harry. So touching. On how much he would protect him and how much it mattered. This is great one-shot for the HP fandom! No grammar issues! And everything was layed out perfectly. :')

Sorry this is short. :\ I am on mobile.
But I am glad I read this. Awesome. :)
Vortex.

First, I want to say that i've read the Harry Potter book and saw the movies. I think the last couple movies were better than the books, but for the most part, the books were either equal to or better than the movies. I can truly say that. So although I might get some peoples plays on canon or not right, since it has been a while, I will still try to review as best as I can. Anyways, on with the real review.

I think Surious was Harrys godfather and in the same year as James and Lily. SO that explains right away why he knew them. For all those people who are fandom blind, and explains his disappointments in the first two paragraphs, when he explains what he has done wrong.

Wasn't he accused of killing like, what fourteen people in the middle of the street twelve years prior of Prisoner of Akaziaban, and when Harry was like one? SO that was why he was stuck with the dementors.

However, I don't remember the girl named Bellatrix. Just wondering, was she that interviewer in Goblet of Fire? The one that would never leave Harry alone and always changed his story up in some way. Now wait, I think I got it now. Was she the person who killed Surious in Order of the Phoneix.

One last question, was it Surious of Lupin that turned into a wolf? I know that James was Harrys dad, and that Snaketail was the one who turned into a rat and killed Cedirc in Goblet of Fire.

Anyways, nice look at his thoughts and emotions over what he has been thinking over the last 12 years. My favorite part was when he shaved, and he looked in the mirror, questioning himself on what he has done wrong.

Hi Kazu! Congratulations on having your story picked for SAtC! Apologies as I am completely fandom blind, but I still enjoyed reading the story. It's very well written. I've decided that I love your writing style.

You're a very descriptive writer, which I like. You focus mainly on the description and less on dialogue which, in my opinion, makes a short one-shot way more interesting. Also, I thought your use of rhetorical questions was very effective, having Sirius Black questioning himself and his life.

I thought the last paragraph of the story was great as it related your story back to its main theme. I also like the way you refer to Destiny as a person and how she "turned up her pretty little nose at him and moved onto younger prey".

I also picked up on your allusion to the Bible. "known as traitor, as Judas". Nice reference and it added nicely to the description of your main character.

I couldn't find any spelling, grammar or punctuation errors, so well done! Of course, when you combine a great writer like yourself with a great beta like Neo, there's not doubt you'll get a great story.

Well done! Keep up the brilliant writing! :)

Jaz

Hiya!

Sorry... I thought I had reviewed this long ago. _

This is one of those short stories that are very powerful, and it makes me feel for the main character written despite being almost fandom blind (it's been years, and the last book I read was GoF in the seventh grade (2002/3))... so clearly, I enjoyed this piece.

Sirius Black had many regrets. - I think your opening line was powerful and it immediately evokes the reader to wonder "why he had many regrets."

His first regret, the deepest, strongest of the laundry list that spanned most of his thirty-six years, - I like how you described his list of regrets here. As a suggestion, I would replace "first" with "foremost" to make the meaning more clear. I love the fact that his laundry list of regrets started pretty much the day he was born, being that it spanned most of his thirty six years.

every time he closed his eyes, almost like it was a tattoo etched on the inside of his eyelids. - Another nice simile used in your writing. To describe the memory as being like a tattoo on his eyelid that he saw when he closed his eyes was a powerful statement. I loved that.

The regret lived like a house elf in his soul, always devoted to the wellbeing of his self-loathing. - I am a lover of personification and similes and you're doing both so well. I love your use of fandom knowledge to further the simile of "regret" so that others who are into the fandom can pick up the emotion he's feeling. I also love the idea that his "regret" was devoted to his "self-loathing" like the elf to its owner.

known to most as traitor, as Judas,... There was no force on heaven or earth that would keep Sirius Black from coming to that precious boy's aid. - There's a nice compare and contrast done here with him being compared to Judas by folks who don't know the true him and his actual loyalty to Harry. Loved that.

he love that came from Harry was at complete odds with the rage that surged off Bellatrix like waves off a furnace. Pity rose in his chest and he choked down memories of her as a little girl; he refused to be mad at her, even now as she tried to take his life. - This here is so powerful especially because you mentioned how he became cold, heartless, not human, a man with lost insanity... but now, in this battle, he is everything but that.

As Destiny turned up her pretty little nose at him and moved onto younger prey, Black decided protecting Harry had to be enough. He needed to be satisfied with the impact he'd made in the boy's life, the lessons his life would teach Harry, and leave him in the hands of better men. Destiny was done with him; his path was set now and nothing could stop it. It was a shame to find again one's feelings and one's destiny at the same moment, because sometimes destiny does not always consider our feelings. - The ending was powerful and I love the personification used in talking about her. It was powerful and emotionally satisfying. I love Sirius's final taunt towards destiny, almost revealing how much he'd lost it in his final moments but still, he loved Harry so much that he was willing to sacrifice for him.

This story is amazingly beautiful. There is a powerful humanly broken element to it that makes it magnificent. I found the entire story to be wonderfully thought and flowed majestically with each part.

Awesome job,
Until Next Time,
Neo

Chose this one since I’m actually more comfortable with the Hp fandom :3 And you can’t get it wrong with a Sirius Black one-shot! I found the premise interesting, especially because delving into the mind of Sirius Black is an adventure itself and a most satisfying experience. He’s a very complex man whose life just crumbled around him without being able to do anything to prevent it, and yet he tried to do some good to the people nearby without asking for anything in return other than their safety. That’s a good man right there.

The first paragraph was a very clever insight on Sirius’s personality. He’s every adjective mentioned and much more. I can understand that he feels like he’s failed James and Lily (that being is greatest regret), but I find it endearing how you managed to take a desperate situation and connect it to his love for Harry.

“ (…) Sirius had shut down emotionally…” A fair assessment. In HP3(POA), Fudge says something very interesting regarding Sirius’ time in Azkaban; it’s briefly mentioned that he was resigned, as if he had accepted his fate. In the midst of lunacy, he managed to keep himself sane because he *knew* he was innocent. I like this passage because it’s reminiscent of that time, and it serves as an excellent way to demonstrate frustration. Destiny indeed, that his last thoughts revolve around these remarkable scarring situations.

“Could Bellatrix be saved if she had had someone to believe in her?” Probably. JK’s theory is that no one is born evil, that love is the most mysterious and strong force in the world (being studied in the Dept of Mysteries), so it might not be farfetched to assume Bellatrix could indeed have been saved by love. Someone who loved her – and let’s exclude Voldemort here – and who had shown her a different path, away from all the hatred.

It’s a sign of just how good of a person Sirius can be, not being able to get mad at Bella even after everything that’s happened.

“His humanity was found in another mistake.” Interesting choice of words, given that he’s one step away from nothingness. I like that he’s still taunting Bellatrix/Destiny in his final moments. Cheeky Sirius all the way.

“ (…) destiny doesn’t always consider our feelings.” Indeed it doesn’t, and Sirius found it the hard way.

I like your writing style. It’s very clear and not at all confusing, although the monologue could get a little jumbled up at times. I do think you have a good grasp at descriptions; understandably, it’s never easy to make a whole chapter based on someone’s thoughts. The action starts waning, the character’s are in risk of not being fleshed out… but I think you managed it just fine ) Kudos for that!

I would, however, pay attention to redundancy within the description itself. While you made good connections regarding Sirius’ feelings for his friends and Harry along the first few paragraphs, the following could arguably be referred to as less consistent. A tad like bits all over the place that could use a stronger connection to previous thoughts. Even at the ending, since Sirius is dead/dying while he crosses the Veil, maybe it would be a good idea to try give the reader the feeling that he’s not in his full senses. It doesn’t really feel like he’s fading; it feels as if Sirius is continuing his monologue and then puff! Even after he died (when he was hit with the Killing Curse). Apart from these little nitpicks, very good job! I look forward to reading more from you.

Hope this helped!

Interesting. I liked how you almost created a new character with Sirius, how when it all came down to it, it was for Harry.

This was so fantastic! Thank you so much for dedicating it to me, and for actually taking up the challenge!

It is always apparant throughout the series that Sirius always deeply regretted what happened with Lily and James. I like that you made that also apparant throughout this.

Every thought that Sirius had was everything I imagined he would say. I can not thank you enough for putting it into words.

This was fantastic! You are so good with portraying emotions, and just laying out the scene. I love your writing so much.

Ugh, I could keep fangirling over this, but I don't think I can put into words how much I love this.

Thanks again, Bravo!
-Meagan