Overall, this was a good expansion of the original story. I liked your imagery and the additional dialogue segments added a great deal to the character development. However, the obvious spelling and grammatical errors did make it extremely difficult to read and I was almost tempted to give up on finishing it. I would recommend taking the time to have someone proofread and fix it so you can repost it (minus the proofreader's comments). I believe you would get more recognition for it if people weren't so exasperated by trying to figure out what you meant and could just enjoy the story.

I read this on a small cell phone. I can jump easy between 30 pages (espec. when the first one is very short!) but on this long pages it makes me crazy to find back after a break in the reading. To all hands :- ) Test the mobile version of fanfiction sometimes.

Well done! There are some spelling errors, I apologise for not being able to beta for you this time, but overall it's impressive, very insightful. I particularly liked the scenes between Chakotay and Janeway, the fact that they're on completely different wave lengths is so clear, but they're in character keeping that mostly to themselves. I found your insight into their thoughts believable.

The vision quest was a stand out too, neither over or underdone with the surreal. I liked it! :)

Thanks for writing and for your review of 'A Different Path'. :)

scifiromance

I like your reasoning in the author's note and of course I enjoyed the chapter! All of your effort has been worth it? Have I lost track of what you've sent me? I can't remember whether I still have a part to beta...I thought I done it all but maybe not, sorry!

You included some very interesting insights - in particular, Samantha Wildman's baby that was lost in "Deadlock" and Tuvok having knowledge of Seven from "The Fury". The spelling/wording errors throughout are distracting, but I think improving. Make use of your Beta. I'm not a big fan of long fanfiction stories (and if you keep pace, this one will be 140,000 words!). National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) counts 50,000 words as a novel, so in their eyes, you've already written one.

Well done again! Scorpion needed to be explored like this and you've certainly done it justice, it goes much deeper than the show ever did, especially with what Chakotay went through. I'm really impressed! :) It's also given me an idea for a one shot, so thanks for that. :)

One thing though, all of your mistakes haven't been deleted, so the spelling mistakes are still there along with my corrections, making it difficult to read. That's my fault. You see, when I did the beta, I had your mistakes highlighted in one colour and all my corrections in another, so that you knew which parts to edit out before posting. I forgot that the DocX system doesn't show highlighting anymore! With the next chapter I'll just correct as I go, as I did with your author's note, if that's okay?

Anyway, as long as it took me to beta, I can hardly wait for the next part! :)

scifiromance

Oh good. I was worried this was going to be a romance. I am glad it is not. I do not like having Seven of Nine paired with anyone.
At least I think that is what you said. Some of what you say is not very clear. It is not that what you are using are not words, just that they are sometimes not the right words.
For example; you often use wounding instead of wondering.
I look forward to seeing how you do with Seven of Nine. She is a difficult character. There is a delicate balance to her character that many cannot manage.
I admire Jeri Ryan's talented acting in such a part. The details she added really helped.
I am sorry if I ramble on a bit.

So far I am interested in your story, but might I suggest you go over it again? To neaten it a bit. Some words are missing, some are in the wrong order, and some are added unnecessarily. It makes some bits of the story somewhat hard to follow.

WELL DONE! I loved the extra detail you put into the characters and their conversations, especially with Chakotay and Janeway's strained relationship and how much the crew have all been through. That Samantha Wildman section was inspired, I never really thought about how she would think of her original baby and Naomi as separate but of course she would... ): I wish Chakotay had actually said that 'Make it so Number 1' line in the show, that made me laugh.

Thanks for writing, and I'm glad the site sorted itself out so you could post this. :)

scifiromance

This is great so far! :) I'm impressed, especially with your characterisation. Please update soon, I can't wait to see how you make this play out. :)

I'll be interested to see where you take this AU variant of Scorpion. I've always wanted a darker version of this tale. It always seemed everyone on Voyager got off a tad easy during the confrontation between Species 8472 and the Borg, at least by my way of thinking.

This is very good for a first story. I like that you are giving some information about secondary crew members. Looking forward to more.