Hmm interesting, I truly hope see more of this story. I would suggest when doing thoughts, latin the words so it stands out, also with (words) bold the letters to also make it stand. Few grammar issues but not bad. Still hope Ric won't turn out be one of those Gary Sue immortal characters, those tend get little annoying but so far his good.

And good thing he gave people the warning about the Enclave, that will save the trouble, hopefully once meeting Three Dog Ric can give more details about them and this Legacy Adam is now apart of. But now I wonder if Ric is the Myserious Stranger or if his someone who knows him?

Ah yes the Brotherhood of Steel. Well I always did liked Elder Lyons, sure he had his problems and there were very some points Outcasts kinda had, but Owen Lyons was a good man, lot like the Third Hokage in Naruto. He definitely has ideas what the Brotherhood needed take.

Now with Elder Maxson's Brotherhood, eh I have lot of mix feelings, lots of concerns. Lot of ideas were definitely Elder Lyons as shown with them improving technology and recruiting Wastelanders instead what those idiots do in Western Province. But of course the pressure got to Elder Maxson and he made those very questionable decisions, it's safe say his taken a darker path version of what Veronica wanted take.

Like his only 20 years old! That's hell lot of pressure place on someone that young, his been too raised in way of some Traditional BoS but with ideals of Elder Lyons. He just lacks Lyons compassion and wisdom, he needs someone make him realize things aren't right, his not too late if one takes right Minutemen path.

This is where am hoping Adams and Ric come in, they need leave bigger influence on Arthur Maxson, make him see what Elder Lyons saw in the Pitt. They cannot repreat mistakes of the past, their already starting turn like Pre War military was like back then.

Now one thing I love see is more development with companions, I hated how we never got see more of Fallout 3 companions and their development like in New Vegas and Fallout 4, I truly would like see something more done on them, maybe even having few characters become companions? Up to you.

Overall very promising, if you want I have couple suggestions? Up to you. Good luck, till next time.
PAR KOTE BAL IJAAT BE MAND'ALOR!

Love the plot you have set up, hope you continue it

Your rant at the beginning you forgot something. Sarah was murdered. The log says how the LEADER died in battle. Leaders like that don't go out and fight like regular soldiers. Most likely a cover story.

What probably happened was one of the West coast zealots killed her so maxin could take over and mold him into their old values. Though he still is doing what Lyons did with recruiting. Also notice how the Lyons Pride isn't there? I like to think they split off and became their own group following the lone wanderer.

was that horrigan at the end?

thats a pretty good starting chapter revive this man

The 'war never changes' part feels a little unnecessary and tacked on. Do you need to start with an intro we're all familiar with?

[A strange thing to complain about, I know, but living forever gets annoying and depressing.]

Part of the problem with this is the way the rest of the story's written. It does an awful lot of telling and is broken up into short paragraphs probably for stylistic value even though paragraphing has rules. You only start a new paragraph when you introduce a new subject or speaker.

The content is good though. A guy being cursed with immortality, but you say it's the most horrible thing right from the start as opposed to it being gradual. There's no mention of it being horrible because the people you love and care for will grow old and die and you'll still be unaffected, and then the cycle repeats over and over. Instead, it's all incredibly self-centered, with emphasis on himself being special enough to help others even though all he can do is complain.

Again, nice start, just work a bit on the execution.