Yo. If you see my profile name, it's General Solidus Fortunato, but to those who allow me to be their beta, I'm just Joe. To anyone reading this, I'm obviously a beta-reader. I've been with for a while now, but before this, I just put up with the bad grammar, spelling errors, and down right bad plots. But no /br /br /

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When I beta read, I usually read through the original story a few times, taking down notes as I go in order to remember what needs to be fixed and why, and to what it needs to be changed to. I may take longer than one might think, as I have other things to do in my life; I'm a person, /br /br /

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If you want my services (wow, I feel like a contractor or something when I say that), then you follow my rules, you follow my insight, and you can't complain. If you say, "No, keep it that way, it's *my* story and I'll write it any way I want," then consider yourself prison fucked six ways to Sunday, as you won't have a beta any longer. I try to make fics better. If you don't want my help, that's fine. But don't be surprised if I PM or email you about being your beta; if I see a fic that needs dire improvement, or even a little nudge in the right direction, then I inform the author. Just, you know, acknowledge my efforts in your story with a mention. Mentions are a good /br /br /

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But don't get me wrong; it's entirely up to the author to accept me. But be warned that, as a beta-reader, I will point out flaws in the story dynamic itself. If there's a possible Mary Sue/Gary Stu about to erupt, then I'll point it out to the author, and recommend a few /br /br /

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If you need to brainstorm a story, I'm also willing to lend you an ear to talk to; I'll toss back ideas to help the story /br /br /

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Just remember, I'm here to help you. If you don't want my help, then find someone else. I won't help someone who doesn't want /br /br /

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So, if you don't want me, and tell other authors to avoid seeking out my help, then I will contact the admins and tell them about your actions. br /br /br /

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So to those who are like this, then I have a few words to say: In the spirit of nonjon's A Black Comedy, I say "Fuck you all very much. And your mothers twice."

For my strengths, I have an eye for grammatical, spelling, and punctuation errors and their replacements, along with recognizing poor and excellent sentence structure and plots. I'll also give you advice on how to improve the story as a whole, and I will help you with your character's development.

I'm not perfect; I have flaws just like every other beta-reader. At least, I hope they have flaws like me. Otherwise I'd be the fish out of water /br /br /

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One thing to know is that I do get sidetracked by reality on numerous occasions; I go to school, I work, and I have a small, small social life. You can't expect me to be online twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, catering to your every whim and to help you with every little thing. These things take /br /br /

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I also have a slight memory problem, as I might forget about your fic and focus on more pressing matters, or another story. If you don't hear from me within a week, then PM or email me a reminder about your story, and I'll try and get back on /br /br /

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I also work slowly, but this is to ensure that every little detail is noted and modded, and so that I don't forget anything.

I prefer some Naruto, Harry Potter, and Star Wars fics, above others, as I like to read those fics. Everything else I like doesn't really have many categories to read fanfiction in, and even then, it's atrocious. But almost any story is good with me. Except Twilight and Sonic the Hedgehog. And many others, but I'll tell you if I can't do that story or not.

I've mentioned a few in my Preferred section, but stories that I would absolutely refuse without a second thought are the Twilight Saga and Sonic the Hedgehog. Sure, I have a few friends who like Sonic, and a few that like Twilight, but if you approach me with either of these two, I'll refuse. For Sonic, it's because I don't know it enough to read through your story and I, in all honesty, cannot make corrections that I can't even verify if they're /br /br /

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For the Twi-Hards out there, listen up. I don't do Twilight fics. Period. No buts, no negotiating, it's not going to happen in any lifetime I'm in. If I had to choose between being shot again and reading/fixing a Twilight fan fiction, then I'll tell you right now that I'll reserve the room in the hospital myself. Here's why. I've read Twilight. It sucked. The plot was horrible, Bella's a psycho, and vampires don't sparkle in the sunlight. They burn, scream, and explode in a ball of fire, their only remains being a pile of ash, blown away by a slight breeze. The "Shape Shifting Wolves" concept is an abortion of the Werewolves of years past. I grew up on Dracula and man-eating Werewolves that died with a stake to the heart and a silver bullet, respectively. With Twilight, Stephanie Meyer wrote to a specific target market: teenage, post-pubescent girls. And no, I'm not a teenage post-pubescent girl. I'm a man who knows a true vampire is a complete pimp with several wives. And Stephanie Meyer practically shoved a purity ring on the Undead Pimp that is Dracula, neutered his fangs with a pair of rusty safety scissors, and then made him a pedophile. So no, I'm not doing a Twilight fan /br /br /

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And there are others, mainly for the reason I wrote for Sonic; I don't know the story enough to be able to correct them properly. But there are some things that I'll say no to as adamantly as Twilight. And that would be yaoi. Now, before you get all judgmental, it's not that I'm homophobic, it's that I don't really care for the unhealthy amount of yaoi on . If I want to find a story where Han Solo and Luke Skywalker are the galaxy's greatest friends, I *do not* want to read about Han and Luke participating in a threesome with Chewbacca and various vibrating tools. That's downright traumatizing. So, I don't care about yaoi, so don't /br /br /

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So those aren't my cups of /br /br /

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Please consider these words wisely, and choose with just as much consideration.

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