Sekiryu : Yaa...minna-san, konnichiwa...(bows). Sorry for taking so long. You see, I saw a black cat on my way, and I just had to turn around and find other routes. And can you believe it, all the other short routes have black cats as well, so I had to use the longest route there is...

Sakura & Naruto : LIAR!

Sekiryu : ehem...(coughs)...anyway... I am, as you all know, your one and only...(drum rolls in the background, dim stage lights, spotlights moving rapidly...building the suspense...)...SEKI-

Sasuke : (interrupts me)...sekiryu-san.

Sekiryu : (not realizing yet) –RYU...Hey! You stole my line!(glares at Sasuke)

Sasuke : hn (smirks)

Sekiryu : And what’s with the small letter? It’s supposed to be CAPITALIZED! You’ve ruined the suspense!

Sasuke : Che, like I care...(yawns)...let’s just get on with this.

Naruto : TEME! How could you be so cruel? And I was all ready to throw the smoke bombs too, dammit! (grabs Sasuke’s collar)

Sakura : Naruto! (beats Naruto up) Stop harassing Sasuke-kun! (Naruto lying in the background with smoke sizzling from him, Sakura looking satisfied).

Sekiryu : ...(sweatdrops)

Kakashi : (appears suddenly)Now, now, kids...don’t be rude in front of the readers. They’re here to listen to Sekiryu-san’s intro, not your arguments.

Sekiryu : Kakashi! You’re my savior, I was already getting nuts listening to them...(gives Kakashi puppy-eyes look)

Kakashi : Of course, didn’t I tell you guys – I’d never let my comrades die...(grins)

Sekiryu : ...uhm...I’m not dying yet...(sweatdrops)

Kakashi : Of course, of course...(pats my head absentmindedly and takes out Icha Icha Paradise)

Sekiryu : ...(vein popped)

Sakura : Kakashi-sensei...(cracks knuckles menacingly). Keep your perverted book away from us! (punches Kakashi)

Kakashi : And we’re blasting off again...(disappears into horizon with a blink)

Sekiryu : ...wow...that was some punch.

Naruto : Ano sa, ano sa...Sekiryu-san, shouldn’t you be introducing yourself to the readers?

Sekiryu : Aah. You’re right, ok, here goes nothing. It has come to my attention that I’ve left my lovely profile page empty for too long already...

Sasuke : Yeah…right, who are you kidding?

Sekiryu : Okay, okay...Some people kept bitching at me to fill my profile cuz they’ve had enough of the empty spaces, and I’m just doing this to shut them up.

Sakura : (gasps)...Sekiryu-san, manners please.

Sekiryu : (grins) Of course, Sakura-chan (pats Sakura’s head). Nah…actually, I thought it might be nice to tell a bit of myself to all of you, my lovely dedicated readers.

Sasuke : nice my ass...

Sekiryu : Yeah, Sasuke, your ass is nice (grins).

Naruto : Huh? How can you tell? (looks confused) He’s wearing his pants... (turns to Sakura for help) Ne, Sakura-chan...

Sakura : ...(blush, blush)

Sasuke : ...(sweatdrops)

Sekiryu : uhm...I just can...(shrugs). Anyway...

Sasuke : Just get on with it, man!

Sekiryu : Wakatta, wakatta...no need to bite my head off...sheesh...let’s start with...

Kakashi : (poofs back in suddenly) Why don’t you tell them your name first?

Sekiryu : Hey, good idea Kakashi. Let’s see…first off, the name’s Sekiryu. Anybody here who knows what it means, raise your hands up.

Sasuke : They don’t know and they don’t care...

Sekiryu : (glares at Sasuke) Are you calling the readers stupid? Of course they do. See? Yes, you…(look at the reader)

Reader1 : Coughing Dragon?

Everybody : ...(silence)

Sekiryu : …eheheh...sore wa…

Naruto : Hahaha...Coughing Dragon...Hahaha...(laughs hysterically)

Sekiryu : no, no, no…

Sasuke : heh...(smirks)

Naruto : HAHAHAHAHAHA...(continues laughing hysterically and rolling on the ground)...Coughing Dragon...HAHAHAHAHA...

Sekiryu : Chigaau! No, it does NOT means 'Coughing Dragon'! What are you people? What kind of name is that? (starts fuming)

Kakashi : (smiling) Actually, it means 'Red Dragon'.

Naruto : HAHAHAHAHA...

Sekiryu : (getting annoyed) URUSAI! (bonks Naruto on the head very hard).

Naruto : (sizzle…sizzle) XP

Sasuke : (looking at Naruto) Baka...(turns to me) How can it means ‘red’? The Japanese word for ‘red’ is ‘aka’.

Sekiryu : (sighs) Nobody understands me...(sighs). Sakura-chan, dozou...

Sakura : (snickers) Okay, listen up. Sekiryu-san used the kanji for an older version of the word red – ‘seki’. Put that together with the word dragon, ‘ryu’ –

Sekiryu : (cuts off Sakura) and there you have it – the superlicious name Sekiryu!

Sasuke : Is superlicious even a word? (raises eyebrow skeptically)

Sekiryu : Hahaha...no, but I like it nevertheless.

Kakashi : And by the way, there is a word such as ‘seki’ , and it does means ‘red’.

Sekiryu : Yeah! So ha!

Naruto : I don’t get it...(brushes off dirt) Why ‘Sekiryu’ and not ‘Akaryu’? It still means the same, right?

Sasuke : The dobe’s right, it already sounds stupid as it is – why bother using a different word?

Sekiryu : (glares at both)

Kakashi : I don’t think that’s what Naruto meant, Sasuke...

Naruto : Yeah, that’s not what I meant! Hontou ni! (looks at me and trembles) The teme’s just trying to make me look bad...

Sasuke : hn (shrugs)

Sakura : Sasuke-kun, that wasn’t very nice, you know...

Sasuke : ...(stares at Sakura in wonder)

Naruto : O.O (gasps) What have you done to Sakura-chan! SAKURA-CHANNNN!

Sakura : Naruto...(punches Naruto away) As we were saying...(turns to look at me)

Sekiryu : Right...Hmm…just because!

Sasuke : (sweatdrops)

Naruto : (limping back) I got punched because of this lame answer? T.T

Kakashi : Now, now...Sekiryu-san, please restrain your sadism to the minimum, it’s bad for the P.R. And do enlighten us on the matter.

Sekiryu : Hai, hai...I wanted to use the colour red cuz it represents fire, my element, but ‘aka’ was too plain. So I figured; since there’s ‘Hakuryu’ for White Dragon, ‘Kokuryu’ for Black Dragon; why can’t I be ‘Sekiryu’? That’s it, really.

Sakura : That’s it?

Sekiryu : Yep, that and some other reasons that I don’t think are necessary to tell everyone.

Sasuke : And we don’t want to know. You’ve already took too long explaining that.

Naruto : Ano sa, ano sa...tell them something else , Sekiryu-san.

Sekiryu : Huh? Like what...

Kakashi : How about your hobbies, likes and dislikes, your dreams...

Naruto : Yeah! Tell them that. Speaking of dreams...

Sasuke : Shut up, dobe...

Naruto : TEME!

Sakura : NARUTO!

Sekiryu : ehem...(coughs)...

Sasuke : You know...With all that coughing you do, you might as well be 'Coughing Dragon' (smirks at his own joke).

Sekiryu : EHEM! (glares at Sasuke)

Kakashi : Hai, go on, Sekiryu-san.

Sekiryu : Saa...I have quite a few hobbies, which I won’t tell what; I like a few things; there are many things that I dislike; and I don’t dream – they’re useless, I only have ambitions.

Sakura : Kyaaa! That’s sooo cool, Sekiryu-san...

Kakashi : That sounds oddly familiar...

Sasuke : hn...you stole my line.

Sekiryu : (grins)...touché.

Naruto : Aww...come on, Sekiryu-san. Don’t be like this cold-hearted bastard. Tell us more (gives puppy-eyes look).

Readers : OI! You’re wasting our time – tell us more!

Sekiryu : Kotowaru...

Everybody : KAWAII-PUPPYEYES-NO-JUTSU!

Sekiryu : AAARRRGHHHH! My eyes! Okay, okay! Sheesh... Saa...A few things I like –Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Itachi, Akasuna no Sasori, Orochimaru, SasuSaku, ItaSaku & SasoSaku...

Sasuke : WTF! Why is Itachi’s on your ‘likes’ list? You like me, so he should be on your ‘hate’ list!

Sekiryu : He’s a good character, I like him. Just because I like you, doesn’t mean I have to hate him...

Sakura : Wow...(go all starry eyes) you like me...

Sekiryu : Yep, I like Sakura-chan the most. More than all the other characters... (big smile and hugs Sakura-chan)

Naruto : Hey! I’m the main character here, the show’s named after me, you should like me best!

Sekiryu : Gomen ne, Naruto, can’t. I still like Sakura-chan the best.

Naruto : NOOOO...You can’t do this to me!

Sakura : ...you like me...(still in a daze)

Naruto : (changes tactics) Wake up, Sakura-chan! Sekiryu-san just wants to see you paired up with lotsa weird guys. Look, there’s even ItaSaku & SasoSaku in the list!

Sasuke : NANI! What are you thinking! Sakura should only be paired with me! Not with Sasori, and definitely not Itachi! ARRRGGGHHH! I’m going to kill him! (runs off to go and kill Itachi)

Sakura : ...huh?...with Itachi? And Sasori? T.T

Sekiryu ? What…? I thought you guys’ll look good together. It could happen...

Sakura : Itachi’s understandable, but Sasori? He’s a puppet, I can’t be with a puppet! How am I gonna have kids?

Kakashi : Sakura’s right...wait...why’s Itachi acceptable? (asks Sakura) Like hell I’m going to let a psychotic S-class clan-murderer touch my precious student!

Sekiryu : Kakashi, you can’t stand in the way of true love, if that ever happens between them. Besides, who said anything about marrying them eh, Sakura? (grins evilly)

Sakura : NOOOO...what do you mean? My innocent mind! (wails and shudders)

Naruto : Don’t worry, Sakura-chan! I’ll save you! (hollers like Tarzan and bangs his chest)

Sasuke : (runs back in huffing and panting) Get away from her, dobe! (kicks Naruto away from Sakura)

Sekiryu : Ahh...Sasuke, did you find your brother? (flash an innocent smile)

Sasuke : (glares suspiciously)...no...

Sekiryu : Good, we won’t be able to have ItaSaku anymore, if you did... (grins...grins...)

Sasuke : ...(vein popping)

Sekiryu : Oh, and by the way, some of the things I don’t like – Ino, don’t ask why, I just hate her, Yaoi, Yuri, incest, NejiHina, ItaIno, ItaHina.

Naruto : Do you hate Hinata, or something?

Sekiryu : No, I just don’t like her paired up with them, or any other guys except you, for that matter. I’m a firm believer that Hinata and Naruto belongs together. ALWAYS.

Sasuke : So why can’t Sakura just be with me? (glares)

Sekiryu : ...uhmm...(sweats...sweats...) err…ja na! (runs off, leaving the scene)

Sasuke : Oi! You didn’t answer my question! Dammit! (runs after me)

Sakura : Sasuke-kun! Don’t leave me again! (runs after Sasuke)

Naruto : SAKURA-CHANNN! (runs after Sakura)

Kakashi : (looks at the smoke trails, looks at readers, sighs...)...oh well... (shrugs)...POOF!

--and then there were none (wink...wink...)--