IMPORTANT UPDATE!

Kill Sasuke is up again, so go read it, fool child. And no, I'm not copying Link and Luigi - I in fact was saying that before they existed, hence THEY copied ME. So yes.

END IMPORTANT UPDATE! (BOLD!)

Dextral's Retard Profile Page That Has Too Much Content To Actually Be A Profile

Ah, thanks.

Now that you know that, I guess I can start on my actual profile, can't I?

Name: Dextral? Um, what the fuck do you think?

Age: Sixteen

Gender: -checks- Yep, I'm male today. I think.

Orientation: Bisexual

Blood Type: O-. That means...I don't know.

Birth Date: December 23rd

Height: 6'2" Wtf, I'm like, gigantic...

Weight: 145 lb. And I'm anerexic, yay...

Hair: Shoulder-length shag thing, dyed black from blonde! And I have red tips that have kinda turned orange...

Eyes: Gray

Occupation: I work at CVS! But I'm 16, so that's ok.

I'm a writer, actually. My main hobby is to write and I barely have anything up on this site since I can't really commit myself to anything. Therefore, expect a lot of one shots in the future. I live in the US and by the east coast, and I really like snow so it kind of helps. I enjoy writing crack fics and epics, however the epic I'm trying to get together currently isn't really going so well in my mind. It's about the Naruto cast and the nine demons reincarnating as human bodies and trying to take over the world (or destroy it)! OMG! And meanwhile, Sound is attacking from every corner AND Akatsuki plans to make its move after Konoha beats the Sound, they predict. I also enjoy pairings that no one else really likes and people HATE when I say I like them. For example, most love Naruto/Hinata, but I like Kiba/Hinata. It makes more sense to me - I mean, Hinata helps Naruto constantly and he never even looks at her. Same with Sasuke/Sakura, just replace the names 'Naruto' and 'Hinata' with 'Sasuke' and 'Sakura'. Now you know so much about me you could explode! Or implode, whichever you perfer. Also, I have TONS of ideas for Naruto plots in my mind, but most of them are epics, therefore...well, let's just say I can't write epics very well. I kind of lose interest after awhile, which is why I'm planning to do shorter series.

Favorite Pairings: Ino/Sasuke, Shikamaru/Ino, Kiba/Hinata, Cloud/Tifa, Cid/Vincent, Shoaryn (wtf sp?)/Sakura, Lyra/Will, Zelos/Sheena

Favorite Heroes: Cid (FFVII), Lulu (FFX), Shikamaru (Naruto), Tomoyo (CCS), Tifa (FFVII), Lyra (His Dark Materials), Lirael (Lirael), The Bride (Kill Bill), Zelos (TOS), Vivi (FFIX), KOS-MOS (Xenosaga), Jack Van Burace (Wild ARMs), Fuu (Magic Knights Rayearth), Momiji (Fruits Basket), Uo and Hana (Fruits Basket)

Favorite Villains: Kuja (FFIX), Elle Driver (Kill Bill), Gogo Yubari (Kill Bill), Ivy (Soul Calibur), Reno (FFVII), Shuyin (FFX-2, not as a character, but as a premise), Ichi (Ichi the Killer), Agent Smith (Matrix),

Favorite Bands/Musicians: Franz Ferdiand, White Stripes, Maximo Park, Shakira, Sean Paul, Gwen Stefani

Favorite Books: His Dark Materials, Battle Royale, Disc World, Neverworld, Stardust, Lirael, American Psycho

Favorite Animes: Card Captor Sakura, Naruto, Cowboy Bebop, Samurai Champloo, X/1999, Magic Knights Rayearth, Fruits Basket, FLCL

Favorite Movies/Shows: American Beauty, Kill Bill, Pulp Fiction, Seven, Princess Mononoke, Battle Royale, Dead Like Me, Donnie Darko, Chicago, Moulan Rouge, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Weeds

Favorite Video Games: Xenosaga Series, Disgaea, Final Fantasy Series, Tekken, Soul Calibur, Tenchu: Fatal Shadows, Resident Evil

Favorite Fight Scenes In Anything: The Bride VS Gogo Yubari (Kill Bill), The Bride VS O-Ren Ishii (Kill Bill), KOS-MOS VS Anything (Xenosaga), Tifa VS Loz (FFVII: Advent Children), Eowyn VS King Nazgul (Lord of the Rings), Mitsuko VS Megumi (Battle Royale), Mitsuko VS That Girl That Apparently Knows When Mitsuko Starts Her Period (Battle Royale), Hinata VS Neji (Naruto, since Hinata (sucks ass) got beaten the shit out of).

Kill Sasuke (On Hiatus)

Genre: Action/Adventure/Parody

Rating: M for Mature (However, it will have an NC-17 Rating at Adult Fanfiction that's not that much different)

Pairings: Ino/Sasuke, Light Sakura/Sasuke

It's up again, read it and whatever. If you want to review, do so, but if not, don't do so. But that goes without saying.

The Adventures of Teyh, Nayoko, and Celesci (Probably 2008)

Genre: Action/Adventure/Humor

Rating: T for Teen (For language, violence, and some sexual content)

Pairings: None, really...

This, surprise surprise, is actually not a Naruto fic. It's a Final Fantasy XI fanfiction that I've been having tons of rough drafts on. I really like the whole giant OC complex, so I decided to make a story about me (a ranger, Celesci), Teyh (a red mage), and Nayoko (a beastmaster). I had a lot of fun playing this game, and I'm sure my friends did, too. We don't play anymore...but we did make it to Selbina at level 9, all by ourselves! That's a f--king skill, if you ask me. Took five tries, FIVE! Other adventures include: Getting the Samurai job for Teyh, the summonings for Smidge, Juno in general (most of the story takes place there), or getting locked into that really really hard place where you can get uber-good armor that's better than the first uber-good armor, so it's like, wicked good. But we died like, six thousand times.

Final Saga: The Tale of Souls and Swords (NEVER EVER EVER!)

Genre: Drama/Action/Adventure

Rating: M for Mature (Strong violence and language, along with sexual content (which goes without saying))

Pairings: Mitsurugi/Taki, Yunsung/Talim, Kilik/Yunsung slightly

Soul Calibuuuuuuuuur III! I love hearing that game open up. Anyways, this story isn't going to be released whatsoever, most likely, as it is VERY long. VERY VERY long. It features the following characters as main characters...yes: Mitsurugi, Taki, Setsuka, Kilik, Sophitia, Yunsung, and Talim. Kilik and Yunsung get it on at a time, I just haven't determined when. Ivy is also in it a lot as I love her, and the main bad guy, if you are wondering, is basically royalty. Everyone is an outlaw after Taki kills off the king of Japan for reasons thus far left unexplained, even to moi! Mitsurugi I plan to make the main lead, as he's the poster-child for Soul Blade, Calibur I, Calibur II, and Calibur III. I love him and his ponytail~

1Nf3CT10N (Release Date: Late 2006)

Genre: Tragedy/Drama

Rating: M for Mature (...it has a few horny scenes that will make it R at Adult Fanfiction. Wow, I'm a low person.)

Pairings: Kiba/Hinata, Ino/Sasuke, Neji/Tenten, Naruto/Sakura

1Nf3CT10N is about the plague called the Red Hand sweeping through Konoha for a couple of years and killing off a bunch of people, including the following (it's no spoiler because it has already happened at the beginning of the story): Naruto (Hokage), Shino (ANBU), Tenten (ANBU), Chouji (Chounin), Lee (Jounin), and Kakashi (Jounin). Poor them, no one cares for the moment. What's more, Sakura is really a moron in this one - the prologue/concept fic is already complete, and I might post it. After Naruto dies, she's all like, "omg me so depressed", blah blah blah. She also has to find out a cure, quickly, because none of the other villages want to get infected. Hence, the name. Well, duh, I just made it look coolio.

Also, did you know that all of the characters are in their late thirties in this one? Yeah, I know, it's awesome. They aren't little teenagers in a B-rank action film about ninjas. Go them!

Riptide (Release Date: Late 2007)

Genre: Suspense/Thriller/Horror

Rating: Rated Version - M for Mature, Unrated Version (the real one) - NC-17 for VERY strong violence and sex, along with lots o' cussing and drug usage. M is a slightly toned down version.

Pairings: Neji/Tenten, Kiba/Hinata

Ok, I was inspired by Se7en, alright? Gaara is a little nine year old psychopath, and along with six other people form a gang in Chicago that kills a lot of people horribly. All of them also think they are the reincarnations of the seven deadly sins, each with one representing their personalities. Neji Hyuuga is a detective, along with Sakura Haruno, who both are in charge of tracking them down. All of them are kind of crazy, but what if it turns out one of them really IS related Hell? I also mixed up the ages quite a bit. Gaara as Wrath (9), Ino as Lust (21), Hinata as Envy (26), Kiba as Pride (26), Sasuke as Greed (20), Shikamaru as Sloth (30), Chouji as Gluttony (27). I actually really like it, and I am ashamed to say writing the torture scenes between nine year old Gaara and some random hooker is pretty fun to do, purely because it is just so weird. I really like the premise of a nine year old psycho who tortures people, I think it's a very creepy idea. I bet y'all will LOVE this when it comes out (it is in short story series format).

Let's Play House (Release Date: Random, undetermined)

Genre: Crack Fic

Rating: I don't know, it's too weird to decide yet...I've already got the first chapter almost done.

Pairings: Ino/Shikamaru and Sasuke/Naruto are the only pairings, but the Sasuke/Naruto is really only a joke. Not that I don't like gay people, just that this couple is supposed to be making fun of all the fangirls out there, i.e. Sasuke is a dirty French maid and Naruto...nevermind, I don't even know what I'm thinking.

Ok, Tsunade is on crack and decidest that the best way to settle everyone's differences is to give them all a role in a family and have them place house in an actual house for a year. Soon people start to fit into their roles (AKA Sakura shaves her head as she's Grandpa, Sasuke dresses up like a dirty French maid, Neji wears a dress and is constantly ordering people around as he's the eldest daughter, and Shino is hiding up in that attic of his like an estranged relative. Wait, he's not acting. Nevermind. Anyways! Really bizarre crack fic that I hope to get up at some point in my lifetime, but this is not the day. -sigh- Be prepared for sudden deaths of random characters who for some reason come back in later chapters EVEN THOUGH they are thought to be dead. Pashaw, it's great.

I'm WAS thinking of doing a Battle Royale Naruto thing, but seeing as there are MILLIONS of them, I decided against it. Sigh! Well, it's better off that way. I was actually trying to compare characters to characters in BR, and I came up with a list, just for you to read! That's right, only you! Just you. Just you! Isn't that special? You are the only one I'm showing this to. It's just you and me, together! That means no one else sees this, only you! You are the only one that sees this! You see this, right? Well, it's only you that gets to see it! Seeing it is only you, you see it only you! It's only you that I'm showing this to, Brother Bear!

Shuya Nanahara: Uzumaki Naruto

Noriko Nakagawa: Hyuuga Hinata

Mitsuko Souma: Yamanaka Ino

Sugimura Hiroki: Inuzuka Kiba

Kazuo Kiriyama (Kazuo-kuun!): Uchiha Sasuke

Chigusa Takako: Haruno Sakura

Shinji Mimura: Nara Shikamaru

Shougo Kawada: ...no idea...maybe Kiba, but I think Kiba's more peaceful.