16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through say, "PICK ME, PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"

Repost this if you laughed...
Or are planning to do any of these things

If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all:

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty

uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal

pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a

rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't

mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer

be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl

mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed

ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling

was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that put it in your profile

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed a pull door, or vice versa, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

If you wish you could go into your story as one of your characters, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever pasted this onto your profile, copy and past this onto your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: Danyan, Avatarwolf, Shifter-youkai ChOpstIcKsXOXO, RadicalEd57, Fierygirl0, tsukiko3000,Neonzangetsu, Drakai, Matthias Kohler

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, or anything similar, post this in your profile.

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't.

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is retard cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down. I bet you can't resist passing it on when you're done!

Quotes (Courtesy of NeonZangetsu)

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

Heck is the place for people who don't believe in Gosh.

I'm not a complete idiot... Some parts are missing.

I am not a humanitarian. I am a hell-raiser.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

I will temporarily rule the world, forever.

Don't tell me the sky's the limit, when there's footprints on the moon.

Don't look at me with that tone of voice!

Silence is golden, duck-tape is sliver.

It's a wonder they haven't locked you up yet.

Question: if some one with multiple personalities threatens to commit to kill himself is it considered a hostage situation?

Who ever said that anything was possible has obviously never tried to ski through a revolving door.

Genius by Birth
Lazy by Choice

Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

You've gotta die in creative ways.

They keep saying the right person will come along; I think mine got hit by a
truck. Then the truck backed up and ran them over again.

If it's not nailed down, it's fair game.

To err is human, to forgive is not Company Policy

When in doubt, use brute force. When that doesn't work...RUN LIKE HELL!

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.

Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.

I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.

Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.

If you mess with anything long enough, it'll break.

Push something hard enough and it will fall.

I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.

Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you
wouldn't have been notified.

Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.

Schizophrenia beats being alone.

Why is it that when adults have multiple personalities it's schizophrenia,
but when a child has imaginary friends it's cute?

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all the evidence that you tried.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE then it's strange.

My knight in shining amour turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

The road to success is always under construction.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement

Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?

Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

I live in my own little world- but it's okay, they know me there.

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my super powers.

Oh, I have a photographic memory... it just hasn't developed yet

Movie Quotes

You see this? Huh?! NYPD! Means I will "Nock Your Punk-ass Down!" - Agent J (Men in Black)

Thank you for participating in our drill. Had this been an actual emergency, y'all woulda been eaten. 'Cause you don't listen. You ignorant. How a man gon' come bashin' thru a subway win-- That's the problem with all y'all New Yorkers. "Oh, we seen it all." "Oh no! A 600 ft. worm! Save us, Mr Black Man!" And I come in, I ask ya nice move to the next car! Y'all just sit there like... - Agent J (Men in Black II)

Silly little planet. I could rule the place with the right set of mammary glands. - Serleena (Men in Black II)

Wow, I've never seen a talking mutt before. You know in a dog show, you'd definitely take first place. - Dante (Devil May Cry 3)

You sure know how to throw a party. No food, no drinks, and the only babe just left. - Dante (Devil May Cry 3)

Might controls everything, and without strength, you cannot protect anything. Let alone yourself. - Vergil (Devil May Cry 3)

Well, we have something in common. I have a dysfunctional family too. - Dante (Devil May Cry 3)

Wo..wo-wo-wo-wo-wo, you're not going to shoot me, are you? If you do, I'll die, you know? - Jester (Devil May Cry 3)

If that's what it takes to shut you up. It bugs the crap out of me when someone talks more than I do. - Dante (Devil May Cry 3)

It's like staring into a backed-up toilet! Why do you always stick your nose in other families' business. Come on, dude, don't you have any hobbies? - Dante (Devil May Cry 3)

Look at you, making a big dramatic entrance and stealing my spotlight! - Dante (Devil May Cry 3)

Not very classy for someone's dying words. - Vergil (Devil May Cry 3)

And the rest is silence. - Dante (Devil May Cry 4)

You can hide that body, but the smell? Whoo! There's no covering up. - Dante(Devil May Cry 4)

Check it out! It's got wings!- Dante(Devil May Cry 4)

An opportunity to save the world doesn't happen everyday you know! Savor it.- Dante(Devil May Cry 4)

From that day forth...my arm changed...and a voice echoed "Power! Give me more power!"...and if I become a demon, so be it...I'll endure the exile...anything, to protect her! - Nero (Devil May Cry 4)

You look as if you've just been playing me from the beginning. - Nero (Devil May Cry 4)

Ha! Check it out! It's got wings! - Dante (Devil May Cry 4)

Nene: Go tell your master to stop being so greedy! There's plenty of Japan to go around! Why can't he learn to share?
Hanzo: Crazy woman... - Samurai Warriors 2

Tadakatsu Honda: I will destroy everything you throw at me.
Shingen Takeda: What about kittens, Tadakatsu? If I threw those at you, would you kill them as well? - Samurai Warriors 2

Chaos itself shall fall before my blade! - Mitshide Akechi (Samurai Warriors)

I guess Lady Luck has a thing for me, too! - Magoichi Saika (Samurai Warriors)

Magoichi Saika is here. Does that sound heroic or what? - Magoichi Saika (Samurai Warriors)

Damn, more enemies. - Magoichi Saika (Samurai Warriors)

Have your people contact my people, maybe we can stab at each other over tea! - Shingen Takeda (Samurai Warriors)

Witness the true art of war! Or something to that effect. - Shingen Takeda (Samurai Warriors)

Quick, pretend I'm saying something profound. - Shingen Takeda (Samurai Warriors)

I think you're eating too much sugar. - Kunoichi (Samurai Warrior)

Well, you didn't kill me, so there! - Hideyoshi Toyotomi (Samurai Warriros)

I won't lose! Of course, the enemy is probably thinking the same thing. - Hideyoshi Toyotomi (Samurai Warriros)

Honor may not win power, but it wins respect. And respect earns power. - Mitsunari Ishida (Samurai Warriros)

I am not going to let that stupid, little fat man take the land from me. -Mitsunari Ishida (Samurai Warriros)

Oppose my lord, get killed by me. It's that simple! - Sakon Shima (Samurai Warriors)

You may be strong... but I have a very big sword. - Sakon Shima (Samurai Warriors)

All according to plan; simple as that. - Sakon Shima (Samurai Warriors)

Hanzo, I worry about your obsessions. Is there trouble at home? - Nene (Samurai Warriors)

He he...what fools these mortals be. - Kotaro Fuma (Samurai Warriors)

Aren't queens female? - PC (Dragon Age Origins)

Wonderful! I can sense his terror! Oh, that will make the loving all the sweeter. - Morrigan (Dragon Age Origins)

Oh, lovely. Shall we next begin rescuing little kittens from trees? - Morrigan (Dragon Age Origins)

After all, no one wants to hear: "Willy toiled for many a year to perfect the curious mechanisms that would send a sharpened spike up the arse of the unwary intruder". - Brother Genitivi (Dragon Age Origins)

And we crush the heads of rude women when we feel like it. Just so you know. - Shale (Dragon Age Origins)

I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve. - Bilbo Bagins (LotR The Fellowship of the Ring)

A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins. Nor is he early; he arrives precisely when he means to! - Gandalf (LotR The Fellowship of the Ring)

Nobody tosses a dwarf. - Gimli (LotR The Fellowship of the Ring)

Sons of Gondor! Of Rohan! My brothers! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me! A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship. But it is not this day. An hour of wolves and shattered shields when the age of Men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you stand! Men of the West! - Aragorn(LotR The Return of the King)

Arise! Arise, riders of Théoden! Spears shall be shaken, shields shall be splintered - a sword day, a red day, ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the world's ending! Forth Éorlingas! - Theoden (LotR The Return of the King)

Elrond: Ónen i-estel edain. ["I give hope to mankind"]
Aragorn: Ú-chebin estel anim. ["I keep none for myself"] - LotR The Return of the King

Well this is a thing unheard of! An Elf will go underground, when a Dwarf dare not! Oh, I'd never hear the end of it! - Gimli (LotR The Return of the King)

That still only counts as one! - Gimli (LotR The Return of the King)

Gimli: I never thought I'd die fighting side-by-side with an elf.
Legolas: What about side-by-side with a friend?
Gimli: Aye, I could do that. - LotR The Return of the King

Gimli: Well, lad, whatever luck you live by, let's hope it lasts the night.
Legolas: Your friends are with you, Aragorn.
Gimli: Let's hope they last the night. - LotR The Two Towers

Gimli: Oh, come on! We can take 'em!
Aragorn: It's a long way.
Gimli: [Reluctantly]...Toss me.
Aragorn: [Surprised] What?
Gimli: I cannot jump the distance, you'll have to toss me!
[Aragorn is ready to throw Gimli]
Gimli: Ah! ...Don't tell the Elf.
Aragorn: [Grins] Not a word. - LotR The Two Towers

A minute is all I need... (Cristina: Indeed...) Wait, that came out wrong. - Ezio Auditore (Assassin's Creed II)

I'm mostly innocent! - Ezio Auditore (Assassin's Creed II)

Abstergo has some really fucked up interiors decorators. - Desmond Miles (Assassin's Creed II)

And you, West, not every situation calls for your patented approach of "shoot first, shoot later, shoot some more and then when everybody's dead try to ask a question or two." - President U. S. Grant (Wild Wild West)

I have a telegram for a Dr. Loveless. It's from his mother, Irene. She's telling him to come on home, stop all this foolishness. - Jim West (Wild Wild West)

Loveless Hentchman: [Doing Karate moves] I learned that from a China man
Capt. James West: [Kickes up a shovel and hits him in the face] I just made that up - Wild Wild West

This is Brainiac, the science show that had proof of the Roswell aliens but taped football over it. - Richard Hammond (Brainiac)

Well, hopefully that's our job, to strap rockets onto everything! - Adam (Mythbusters)

I wouldn't say Jamie's an evil genius. - Adam (Mythbusters)

Tory: [after frying balistics gel Ben Franklin] Well, we killed a dead president.
Grant: He was never president.
Tory: He wasn't President? Damn it. - Mythbusters

If it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing, right? - Tory (Mythbusters)

IF YOU IGNORE THIS WITHOUT READING IT YOU HAVE NO HEART...BUT IF YOU FIND YOU CANNOT STOP UNTIL YOU REACH THE END THEN YOU MUST HAVE A VERY BIG HEART.

Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"
In memory of the Columbian students that were lost
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in heart
For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"
Now you have two choices
1) repost and show you care
2)ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart
(Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care)

20 ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity:

1: At lunch time, sit in you car with sunglasses on and point a hair dry at passing cars; see if they slow down

2: Page yourself over the intercom. Do not disguise your voice.

3: Every time some one asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that

4: Put you garbage can on your desk and label it "IN"

5: Put decaf in the coffee maker (home or work). When everyone gets over their caffeine addiction, switch to espresso

6: In your memo book, on all your checks, put "FOR SMUGGLING DIAMONDS"

7: Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance To The Prophecy"

8: Dont use any punctuation

9: As often as possible, skip instead of walking

10: Order diet water whenever you go out with a serious face

11: Specify that your drive-thru order is "TO GO"

12: Sing along at the opera

13: Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme

14: Put mosquito netting around your work area (or room) and play tropical sounds all day

15: 5 days in advance, tell your friend that you can't go to their party cause you don't 'feel like it'

16: Have friends or coworkers address you by your wrestling name "Rock Bottom"

17: When the cash comes out of the ATM yell, "I WON, I WON"

18: When exiting the zoo, start running toward the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives they're loose"

19: Tell your children (or younger sibling) that "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go"

20: And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity is... Copy this and put it on your profile!

What a Boyfriend SHOULD do:

When she walks away from you mad, follow her

When she stare's at your mouth, Kiss her

When she pushes you or hit's you, Grab her and dont let go

When she start's cussing at you, Kiss her and tell her you love her

When she's quiet, Ask her what's wrong

When she ignore's you, Give her your attention

When she pull's away, Pull her back

When you see her at her worst, Tell her she's beautiful

When you see her start crying, Just hold her and dont say a word

When you see her walking, Sneak up and hug her waist from behind

When she's scared, Protect her

When she lay's her head on your shoulder, Tilt her head up and kiss her

When she steal's your favorite hat, Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night

When she tease's you, Tease her back and make her laugh

When she doesnt answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay

When she look's at you with doubt, Back yourself up

When she say's that she like's you, she really does more than you could understand

When she grab's at your hands, Hold her's and play with her fingers

When she bump's into you, bump into her back and make her laugh

When she tell's you a secret, keep it safe and untold

When she looks at you in your eyes, don't look away until she does

When she misses you, she's hurting inside

When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away

When she says its over, she still wants you to be hers

When she repost this bulletin, she wants you to read it

Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.

When she's mad, hug her tight and don't let go When she says she's ok, dont believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you

Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her

Call her before you sleep and after you wake up Treat her like she's all that matters to you.

Tease her and let her tease you back

Stay up all night with her when she's sick

Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid

Give her the world

Let her wear your clothes

When she's bored and sad, hang out with her

Let her know she's important

Kiss her in the pouring rain

When she runs up at you crying, the first thing he says is; "Who's ass am I kicking babe?"

If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will :

Call you.

Kiss you.

Love you.

IMPORTANT THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME!

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

Month one

FRIENDS:never ask anything to eat or drink

BESTFRIENDS: Help themselves and is the reason you never have any food

FREINDS:Call your parents Mr. Mrs and grandma and grandpa

BESTFRIENDS: Call your parents MOM and DAD GRAMPS AND GRANDPA

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail

BESTFRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin... we really messed up

FRIENDS: Never seen you cry

BESTFRIENDS: Wont tell anyone else you cry... just laugh about it when your not down anymore

FRIENDS: Ask you to write down you number

BESTFRIENDS: Has you on speed dial

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff and gives it back a few days later

BESTFRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "my bad .. heres a tissue"

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you

BESTFRIENDS: Could write a very emberassing biography about your life

FREINDS: Will leave you behind if thats what everyone else is doing

BESTFRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd asses that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door

BESTFRIENDS: Would walk right in and say,"IM HOME"

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell

BESTFRIENDS: Already know not to tell

FRIENDS: Are through highschool /college (drinking buddies)

BESTFRIENDS: Are for life

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away when they think youve had enough

BESTFRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say,"Girl drink the rest of that you know we dont waste"

FREINDS: Will ignore this

BESTFRIENDS: Will repost this