Hi! This is where I write about me...

Name: WHY DO YOU CARE?!

Age: Guess.

Gender: Girl

Fave colors: Black, purple, black, more black, blue

Books: (this could take a while) Maximum ride (all of them), horrible histories, Harry potter, Percy Jackson, Jacqueline Wilson books in general, Girl 15 series (really funny, I would recommend), Spud, Jiggy McCue

TV/movies: Polar express, Avatar the last airbender, X-men evo, wolverine and the x-men, Generator Rex, Spongebob, Pirates of the Caribbean, Naruto, Kung Fu Panda, One Piece, Hetalia

Fave characters: Leo Vadez (he's awsome), Kurt Wagner, Rogue, Nico di Angelo, Zuko, Toph Bei Fong, Drew Tanaka (yeah, I know, weird), Thalia Grace, Azula, Ty Lee, Sokka, Haru, Katara, Mai, Kankuro (he's awesome too!), Shikamaru, Temari, Neji, Gaara, Menma (the movie one), Jade Nguyen, Tobirama, Hashirama, Russia, Denmark, Netherlands, Japan, UK

Least Fave characters: Jason Grace (yuck), Scott Summers (too boring), Jean Grey (ditto), Sasuke (duck ass haired son of a bitch)

Dislikes: Hunger Games (yes, I know, how awful of me, but Katniss just won't stop whining. And yes I'm being cruel, she's had a hard life, bla bla, but seriously.), Roll of Thunder Hear my Cry (had to read it at school. Never again...), my pest of a brother, animal haters, cigarettes, bullies, and the worst...TWILIGHT!!! ICK ICK ICK! Football, sports, nosy people, bitches

Nationality: English, but live in Ireland. :D

As you may realize, I am a strange child. But a very busy weird child, since I've chosen to put up my account THE DAY BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS. Yes, I can be ever so thick at times.

In my stories, there will, more often than not, be someone who is foreign, or has engish as a second language. That's cos I'm addicted to translating stuff on my iPod Translate App.

Also, I like to get quotes out of stories, and put them in mine. Just little snippets that I find funny or are worded better than I could word them.

Well, that's it really, about me.

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!

RECENTLY, THE LAPTOP I HAD ALL MY STORIES ON BROKE. (WELL, NOT THAT RECENTLY, BUT WHATEVER). I COULDN'T UPDATE TILL NOW COS I'VE BEEN REALLY BUSY-THIS IS THE YEAR OF THE DREADED JUNIOR CERT. NOW, HOWEVER, I'VE GOT THE MEANS TO UPDATE SO I'LL DO MY BEST TO WRITE A NEW CHAPTER SOON.

THANKS TO ANYONE WHO READS MY STORIES, I REALLY APPRECIATE. LUV YOU GUYS!

CAPTAIN C.

I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a cashier hand this little boy some money back.

The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.

The cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."

Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''

The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''

Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly.

The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.

Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.

"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."

I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her afterall, and not to worry.

But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."

His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall."

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't

forget me. I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister."

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

"OK," he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for

the doll and even some spare money.

The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!"

Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that

mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me!''

"I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''

"My mommy loves white roses."

A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket.

I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.

Then I remembered a local newspaper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.

The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away.

I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.

I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister

is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

Now you have 2 choices:

1) Repost this message.

2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart

PJO FANS: MUST have this on their profile!

NORMAL PEOPLE: Rely on their local weatherman for the weather forecast

PJO FANS: Will tell Zeus to make it rain

NORMAL PEOPLE: Say OMG!

PJO FANS: Say OH MY GODS!

NORMAL PEOPLE: Go to a psychiatrist to tell their feelings

PJO FANS: Won't go to one because they will take away their awesome demigod powers

NORMAL PEOPLE: Say shut up or i'll tell on you!

PJO FANS: Say shut up or my godly parent will vaporize you!

NORMAL PEOPLE: Think that PJO fans are stupid

PJO FANS: Know that normal people are stupid

NORMAL PEOPLE: When being chased yell HELP ME SOMEBODY!

PJO FANS: When being chased use their demigod powers

NORMAL PEOPLE: Get nervous/scared during thunderstorms

PJO FANS: Yell at Zeus to calm down

NORMAL PEOPLE: Would choose somewhere sunny to go for vacation

PJO FANS: Would try and find Camp Half Blood

NORMAL PEOPLE: Don't have this on their profile

PJO FANS: Would have this on their profile already

I will never abandon a story! Not deliberately! I might forget! So if I ever do forget one, remind me with reviews! PLEASE!!!

OC'S

I've got loads, so I'll just list some favorites.

Name: Tai Yang Ye Kong-Long

AKA: Elemental

Powers: Can control every element, and is learning to control the sub and transition elements.

Weakness: Blind

Character: Impatient, gruff, and not afraid to use his powers on anybody he dislikes. Tai was hidden from his parents all his life until becoming an x-man, and doesn't honestly know how to interact with others. Abilities manifested at the age of 3. He hates being called weak. Can feel vibrations to see with in any element he can bend.

Age: 16

Name: Rain 'Ranny' Atowa

AKA: Tempest

Powers: Air bending

Weakness: Ummm...

Character: Lean and mean, Ranny's led a gang of stree mutants since the MRD killed off all of the adults and older siblings. Not afraid to kill, and very clever, Ranny is loyal and friendly, but it is difficult to gain that trust.

Age:14

(btw, Ranny's been a character in my mind for YEARS. Along with a whole gang of OC's. It's real hard to remember them all.)

Name: Álvaro Rafael Luiza

AKA: Fosforo

Powers: Super strength, super senses, super speed, teleportation, use of IE, fire bending

Weakness: can lose control of Oscuro

Character: cold and reserved, this kids had a hard life. He's mistrusting and can seem to be an ass, but is kind at heart. He puts his heart and soul into protecting his precious people, especially his adopted younger sister Deniz, best friend Erico and frenemy (crush) Adelita.

(Alvaro's not from any fandom)

Warning: I can sometimes switch without realizing between past and present tense, and third and first person. You have been warned.

Warning 2: In my stories, characters I like may have added powers, look different, and will often be majorly OOC. Not always, but often.

Stuff to do in tests:

1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.

4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country!" and run off.

6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.

7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Darn this!" and walk out triumphantly.

14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go ice skating.)

15. Show up completely insane (completely insane means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the Phantom of the Opera" until they drag you away.

18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.

20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.

23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.

24. Act crazy, running round the room until they catch you.

25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the heck are you? Where's the regular guy?"

26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!

27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.

32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."

33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..."

34. Fake an heart attack. When interrupted, apologize, and explain that question #_ moved you, deeply.

35. Wear a Superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". Rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. Strike a pose first for added effect.

36. Tailgate outside the classroom before the exam.

37. If your answers are on a scantron sheet, fill it out in pen.

38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girly-girl nearby.

39. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.

40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your pencil. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.

41. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if he/she did it.

42. Dress like the professor.

43. Cross-dress.

44. Use invisible ink to answer the whole exam.

45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...

You talk to yourself a lot. (Alot meaning all the time...)

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?')

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone's liver?')

After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...'

You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

You tend to collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

People think you have A.D.H.D.

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.H.D.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason

Your friends stopped looking at you funny when you laugh for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

STOP ANIMAL ABUSE NOW!

Good stuff about girls:

10. We can wear guy clothes, but if they wear ours they get funny looks

9. At least one girl always survives in horror movies

8. We can put cotton between our toes and paint our nails without feeling the least bit silly

7. Our magazines have horiscopes

6. Girls with guy first names like Taylor sound cool, but it doesn't work the other way around

5. Our friends don't say "hi" but punching us in the arm

4. Yes PMS sucks, but at least we have an excuse to lay around eating chocolate once a month

3. Make-up covers any imperfections we may have

2. If we flirt with a cop, we can get out of a speeding ticket

1. Girl Talk... you know, the way we all just understand each other without having to explain a thing

Sisters annoy, interfere, criticize. Indulge in monumental sulks, in huffs, in snide remarks. Borrow. Break. Monopolize the bathroom. Are always underfoot. But if catastrophe should strike, sisters are there. Defending you against all corners.

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace,or talking to a girlfriend on a cellphone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment),who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with the X-Men who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things.

OMG! That's ME!!!

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin' "THAT WAS FREAK'N AWSOME!"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Already have the shovel to berry the body of the person that made you cry.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your shit and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run Bitch Run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd's ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl, drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!"

FRIENDS: Will console you when the guy you like turns you down

BEST FRIEND: Will put his picture up on a herpies website and announce it the next day on a mega-speaker to the whole school

It takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes four to extend my middle finger and tell you to bite me.

There's that strange girl in the background that you see everywhere. She doesn't talk to a lot of people, she's not the prettiest girl there, and she's always got a book or notebook. She won't talk because she's too shy. She's shy because nearly everyone's she's tried to be friends with has rejected or hurt her. She prefers a book because good always wins and she writes because those are the only happy endings she ever sees. I'm one of those strange girls. Repost this if you are one too and add your name to the list. That way all those "strange girls" can see that they are not so strange, or alone. Originally by Lady Firewing Wolf skater.

Newscasters are the people who tell you "Good evening" and then proceed to tell you why it's not.

I live in my own little world. But that's okay; they know me there.

If you can't convince them, confuse them

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

If your heart was really broken you'd be dead, so shut up.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

Don't make me mad... I'm known to bite at random

Most teachers promote the three R's; Reading, 'Riting, and 'Rithmetic. Then there are those that promote three S's; Sit down, Shut up, and STOP DRIVING ME CRAZY!!

Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.

I didn't invent sarcasm, but I perfected it

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

If you can't join 'em, bribe 'em.

If you can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.

If you can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.

If you can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

When your bored and want something to do, open your text book and start writing, "Terrorist attack at 3:00 AM" on all the pages, then give it to a cop. When he asks who wrote this, say your teachers name and take him to the school.

When your teacher tells you to solve a problem on the board, go up there and start writing her life story.

Note to self: It is illegal to stab people for being stupid.

Don't upset me, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Smile. It scares people.

What does not kill me had better run pretty darn fast!

yeah, I'm crazy, it runs in the family, what's your excuse?

you sound almost chipper. What happened today - you run over a small child or something?

There are very few problems that can not be solved using a large amount of explosives

I write for the same reason I breathe; if I didn't I would die

I used to have super powers but my therapist took them away

If you laugh I will laugh If you cry I will cry and if you jump out a window I will laugh harder

If it starts actually raining cats and dogs, don't go outside

(the answering machine)

Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you

Hi, this is the refrigerator. John's answering machine is broken but i'll give the message to John. Now just speak very slowly while i write down the message and stick it to myself with these little cute magnets

I'm out of my mind! but feel free to leave me a message

(end answering machine)

My doctor asked if any members of my family suffered from insanity, I replied, no, we all seem to enjoy it

Just remember, everything happens for a reason. So when I smack you upside the head, remember... I had a reason!

Whatever it is, I didn't do it. Unless I was supposed to do it, in which case I did it brilliantly

Bleach and latex gloves: $10... Plastic wrap, trash bags and duct tape: $ 20...Chainsaw: $200

The Horrified look on the cashiers face: PRICELESS!

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it

A friend would help you up when you trip and fall. A best friend would laugh, trip you again, then laugh some more!(:

Instead of a sign that says "Do Not Disturb" I need one that says "Already Disturbed Proceed With Caution."

I don't know about you, but a highlight of my childhood was talking into the fan to hear my robot voice

I couldn't ask for better friends. I could ask for normal friends, but where's the fun in that?!

My mission is accomplished. I ran down the street, threw skittles at people, said "TASTE THE FRIKKEN RAINBOW!" so it was a good day

I am so talented I can fall up the stairs, trip on flat surfaces, and get hit by a parked car. Aren't I just amazing? :)

sometimes I just want to run up to a stranger on the street and say 'YOU'RE IT!!' and then run away

I wonder if anyone else has road rage when pushing a cart through the aisles at Wal-Mart?

The 12-step chocoholics program: NEVER BE MORE THAN 12 STEPS AWAY FROM CHOCOLATE!

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas

Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with!

Who ever said that words don't hurt never got hit by a dictionary

I have the kind of friends that if my house was burning down, they'd be there making S'mores and hitting on hot firemen

Sarcastic?! ME?! Never!

Sometimes I wonder, 'Why is that Frisbee getting bigger?'... then it hits me

Friends ask why you're crying...Best friends already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry

Sarcasm is not a free service I offer...It's a personality trait

I'm smiling. That alone should scare you

I'm that type of girl that makes the devil go "oh crap, she's up!" when my feet hit the floor in the morning

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional

What you're looking for is always in the last place you look..." Well, DUH, smart one! After you find it, you stop looking!"

When life gives you lemons, Throw them back and yell "I want oranges"

If a turtle is missing its shell is it homeless or naked?

here's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird

The voices and I took a vote, and your insane

(On a T-Shirt) Who are you, and why are you reading my shirt?

Normal people worry me.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

People say that I have totally lost it. I wasn't even aware I had it.

My friend text-ed me asking "what does 'idk' mean?" so I said "I don't know" and she said "omg! NO one knows!"

I'm that type of girl who walks into chairs and says sorry

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried

"If all your friends were jumping off a cliff would you jump off too?" -- "If it meant that I would never hear that stupid cliche again I would be first in line."

When in doubt, push random buttons!

It's okay to talk to inanimate objects, its when they talk back that you should be worried

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk; I have a work station...

When Life gives you lemons squirt them in Life's eyes!!

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door

I'm one of those people who could perfectly understand Jack Sparrow's confusing rants and when your friends all had confounded expressions on their faces you were like, "well duh that made perfect sense" (OMG doesn't everyone understand his rants?!)

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..

On Sears hairdryer:

Do not use while sleeping.

(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:

Directions: Use like regular soap.

(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:

Serving suggestion: Defrost.

(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box):

Do not turn upside down.

(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

Product will be hot after heating.

(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

Do not iron clothes on body.

(But wouldn't that save more time? (Whose body?))

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:

Do not drive car or operate machinery.

(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:

Warning: may cause drowsiness.

(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:

Warning: keep out of children.

(hmm... something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:

For indoor or outdoor use only.

(As opposed to use in outer space..?)

On a food processor:

Not to be used for the other use.

(Now I'm curious...)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:

Warning: contains nuts.

(Really? I'd never have guessed.)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:

Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:

Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

Some stuff me and my friends and class (2 clonmacnoise) have said...

Ms-So, what have we learnt today?

Thomas-That Mac has good writing.

Ms-Um...Ok... Anything more substantial?

Aaron-And that I can draw circles.-in Foroige Positive Health class today.

Chloe-You got any money?

Jack-Yeah, 2 euro, here, just pay me back.

Chloe (to Kelvin)-see, he's NICE!

Kelvin-Well, I'm NOT!- Three friends Chloe, Kelvin and Jack at lunch as I watched.

Chloe-YAY! Kelvin's left overs!

Me-You gannet. That's disgusting. Give me a fork.-Chloe and I after Kelvin had left a sizable portion of beef curry that same lunch time. What transpired was a fork fight as Chloe and I squabbled over it.

You can't talk, you can't sing, you can't do a fucking thing-Andy on the podcast 'The Bugle'. I would recomend, very very funny. Andy was saying about how inappropriate Mitt Romney was, comparing him to a priest singing this at a funeral.

You're cold, you're stiff, your family's quite miffed-Andy again.

Ee I ee I oh, off to the cematry you go, you were someone's grandad, and they're crying tears of woe, but you're gobbled up by worms, or else you'll decompose!-Andy again.

Slice me into soldiers and dip me in an egg, I am toast-Andy or John on the Bugle, immitating Bin Laden's last thoughts.

Chloe-Get in the fucking lift!

I jump in as the door's closing.

Me-My own Indiana Jones moment!

Jack (just coming up the stairs to find us, he doesn't like the lift)-hey, open the bloody door!-Chloe, Jack and I riding the elavator for no reason after Chloe hurt her foot and needed crutches. We were in tears of laughter over this.

Thomas-You don't look a day over 50 Ms.

Ms.-Thankyou Thomas, I'll remember that when I correct your test!

Stephanie-You don't look a day over 20 Ms.

Ms.-Thankyou Stephanie, I'll remember that when I correct you test.

Thomas-Yeah...With added V.A.T.

STORY UPDATES!!! HELL YEAH!!!

Feeling Blue:

Yeah, my first ever YJ fanfiction. I know I haven't updated in ages (I created this account to post this story at the beginning of second year, it's now the summer holidays). I've got horrible writers block, read the bottom of the latest chapter for an explanation. I won't abandon this story. It'll just take a bit of time.

The Elemental:

I'm deleting it. Yeah, I know. It sucked, frankly, and I'm going to be putting that little story into a bigger story, which is...

X-men next generation:

Which I'm also deleting! Since I put up the first and second chapters and now, I've had some amazing ideas for this story; I'll be re-uploading it, with some minor adjustments. You won't notice them really; some of the characters might change a tad, but the plot will be pretty much the same. But I do need a bit of help. The Brotherhood's kids are gonna be involved. And I, ah, haven't actually made up any of them yet. So I need about ten. I've got one, Pyro's son. Gambit already has kids with Rogue at the X-house. So you can't use Gambit, kay? Anyone else is fair game, but there won't b any Lancitty, or any of the old x-men with the old brotherhood (barring Rogue and Gambit).

Make a thing like:

Name:

Age:

Looks:

Powers:

Parents: (not necessarily in the brotherhood)

Nationality:

Likes:

Dislikes:

Personality:

Hobbies:

The one's I like best I'll use, I'll show the results here once I get enough.