Master Porky Minch is an author with pure awesomeness, great imagination, and a slightly twisted mind; all the essential ingrediants that allow him to create such psychotic Fanfictions that nobody would even dream about.

Master Porky Minch lives in the floating utopia known as New Pork City, where he rules with an iron fist in one hand, and a Bag of Pork Chips in the other. While he is able to keep an entire city in motion, and has the most brilliant ideas to take over then entire Nowhere Island, there is no doubt in everybody's minds that Master Porky Minch is a completely insane psychopath that seems to think more with his testicles than he does with his brain. When asked why he decided to build an entire city for himself, only to want to take over the whole island, he responded by saying the following. "It's like my dad, Aloysius Minch always told me, always... wait, he never said that. All he did was beat on me 24/7 because he could never let go of the mother f*king scotch! I hate him! I HATE THAT FAT DRUNKEN SON OF A B*H!!! *cough, cough, weeze, gasp, gasp*"

After an interview, we asked his assistant, Dr. Andonuts, to describe his violent outbreak, considering how everyone in New Pork City seemed to have heard it. "Well, I'm not sure exactly what his father did to him," Andonuts had answered. "but what ever it was, it was obviously something bad if he's gotta sh*t himself every time he brings him up."

Now before I end this little summary, I will now let everybody know how awesome and cool Porky is... what was that?... OK. Porky is right now, as I am typing this down, holding a laser to my head, telling me what I have to at least get in there. "OK, you told them that I'm awesome, you told them I'm cool, oh yeah! Also tell them that I'm the best God d*n king in the world." the obese little 10,000-year-old prick tells me, so I tell you all that he's the best God d*n king in the world.

"Great, now tell them to submit to my will, and obey every little thing I say, or I'll blow your head off, along with your family, and your- wait a minute." The insane tyrant finally takes the time to read what all I type down on this summary, realizing quickly that I was typing while he was talking. "You typed down everything I said?!" he exclaims, but by that time, it s too late, for I already pressed the Save Profile button.