I'm 16, I live in Kentucky, and I love the # 21! I know that is random but my brother died in a car crash and that was his dirt bike #. My other brother is a United States Marine...I'm bragging, but so what I'm freakin proud of him! lol HE MADE IT HOME FROM AFGHAN!!!!! PARTAY!!! lol Well I love writing and I hope you like my stories. Thanks! :D BTW Klaroline is my ship, always and forever. .

IMPORTANT THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME!

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Behind every successful man, is a woman doing all the work.

God created man before woman because you always need a rough draft!

Boys are like computers. Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

Boys are like mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Boys are like lava lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

Q: What makes men chase after women they have no intention of marrying?

A: The same urge that makes dogs chase after cars they have no intention of driving.

Never let your man’s mind wonder – it’s too little to be out on its own.

in case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions: "Put on fork and eat." (No! Really? We're supposed to eat food?!)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what Pluto?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (somebody got paid big bucks to write this oneOn a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere)(Raise your hand if you've tried this.) On a hair straightener: "Do not use in water." (Yes, because I always straighten my hair when I'm taking a bath.) On Pine Nuts : "Warning May Contain Pine Nuts" (um... if it's not that, what else does it contain? Am I going to die? IMIMPORTANT QUESTIONS!!!!!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion!)

On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no, we get real fake bacon.)

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (Hmm... something must have gotten lost in the translation . . .)

On a children's fold-away stroller: Do not fold while child is in stroller. (Wouldn't that save time?)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity copy and paste this into your profile!

Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls (and you know a few cliffs heh heh whoops)

Please note: Christmas is cancelled - apparently you told Santa you were good this year ... and he died laughing

I have a gun! Would you like to buy some girl scout cookies?!

I'm going on a quest, to the deepest, darkest corners of my room, in search of what some would call a "floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me my friends, wish me luck, for I may not return alive

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

"I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it."