Cameraman: Okay, we’re on in... three... two... one... go!
Jerry Springer: (arrives on stage) Hellooooooo, Fanfiction.net! And welcome to tonight’s edition of... o.O ; Hey, where is everybody?
Crickets: (chirp)
Cameraman: Hey, you’re not supposed to be here! You’re in the wrong studio! This is Krusty the Clown’s pie-throwing range!
Jerry Springer: O_O ; Wha? (turns around and suddenly gets hit by a pie in the face) -_- ; *sigh* Fine. (wipes pie off face) Let’s try that one again.

{Later}

Bouncy intro music starts playing*

Jerry Springer: (arrives on stage) Good evening, members of Fanfiction.net, and welcome to tonight’s edition of “This Is Your Profile”!
Audience: ...
Jerry Springer: o.O ; Boy, tough crowd. Better break out the gags. *cough* You know, before coming here, I thought I’d stop off down at the pub for a drink. And while I was there, I bumped into none other than her Highness’s royal guard, Toad! Yeah, we drank a few pints, had some laughs; and you know why everyone likes him? Because he’s a fungi to be around. Ha ha! ^_^
Crickets: (chirp)
Jerry Springer: o.O ; Um... okay, moving on. Let’s give a big hand to tonight’s profile star: GLIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCHEEEEEEEEERR!!!
Glitcher: (arrives on stage) Hi, everybody! ^_^ *waves*
Audience: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!!!!!!! (applause)
Jerry Springer: Hey! How come I don’t get that kind of attention?
Audience: Ah, shaddap! (throws a barrage of pies at Jerry Springer)
Jerry Springer: (pies dripping down face) o.O ; Hmph! I thought I was through with this part. (wipes pies off face) Alright, Glitcher, why don’t you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Glitcher: Well, let’s see. I’m nineteen years old and I’m from Scotland. I used to live in Kuwait until the Gulf War broke out, then I moved to Switzerland and I’ve been living there for the past eleven years. I’m also an advanced art student and my specialties include surreal and manga art. But when the artistic life proves too tough, I just like to relax and write fan fics about video games. And I found the best place to post them right here on Fanfiction.net. ^_^
Audience: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!!!!!!! (applause)
Jerry Springer: Right. You said you were from Scotland, did you? Hey, that reminds me of the Scot who won a holiday trip for two. He went twice himself! Ha ha ha! ^_^
Audience: Shut UP!! (throws another barrage of pies at Jerry Springer)
Jerry Springer: (pies dripping down face) o.O ; Grrrr! Some people have no sense of humour. (wipes pies off face) Okay, Glitcher, tell us a little more about your stories.
Glitcher: Well, I mostly write comedies, which is what I’ve only got uploaded at the moment, but right now I’m pushing to write more serious fics. My comedies are largely inspired by the Looney Tunes, who I think are the funniest characters in the world. That’s why I’ve got the pic of Bugs Bunny on the right. He rulez! ^_^
Audience: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!!!!!!! (applause)
Jerry Springer: -_- ; (under breath) I bet if I had big ears and a fluffly tail, people would think I’m funny, too.
Glitcher: As for my serious fics, I’ve got two in production at the moment: one for Perfect Dark and one for Pokémon. They’re both very near completion. I should have the Pokémon one uploaded soon, with the Perfect Dark fic following shortly after.
Jerry Springer: A Pokémon story, eh? Wait, I got one about that: What do you get if you cross a Pikachu with a Mankey? A Pikachimp! Ha ha! ^_^
Audience: SHAAADDAAAAAPP!! (throws another barrage of pies at Jerry Springer)
Jerry Springer: (pies dripping down face) o.O ; GRAAAAAAHH!! THAT’S IT! I’M LEAVING! I’M NOT GETTING PELTED BY ANOTHER PIE AGAIN! (storms out the door)
Glitcher: o.O ; Wait, Jerry! That’s not the exit! That’s the way back into Krusty the Clown’s pie-throwing range!

Distant sound: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!... SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! crumple*

Glitcher: Oh well, I tried. Anyway, thank you everyone who has come here to check out my profile. If you’re interested in any of my stories, I suggest you start with either THE CARRINGTON INSTITUTE DUEL TWENTY-TWENTY-PHOWAAAR!!! or Keaton’s Ker-razy Kontest. Both are hilarious and have been heralded as fantastic comedies by many other authors. Well, I think I’ll leave it at that. Thank you ladies and gentlemen, aaaaaaaaand goodnight!

Curtains draw*