In case you're wondering why I haven't updated in a while, it comes down to this: reviews. Not the ones I don't get. Like, mostly I like reviews, but I don't pay that close of attention at this point. It's the reviews I do get. Two specific kinds actually, that just make me absolutely crazy.

The first is the one complaining about the setting. I'm very, very open about setting stories in present day, rather than when they were actually set. If I had a reason for setting them back in the day, I would. But if it's not integral to the story, I'd rather not. And yet, people seem compelled to complain about this. All the time. It's incredibly annoying. I don't get paid to write this. I'm doing it for myself, because I enjoy it. I share it because that can be fun too, and because I like reading fanfic, so as a reader, I think more is better. It gives you a greater selection to choose from. But I'm not providing a service here; I'm not getting paid. This is basically like if I was making myself dinner, and I decided to share. Complaining about the choices I make isn't constructive criticism. It's not helpful. It's not, "I really liked your character development, but the plot seemed to jump around a lot, like between chapter 11 and chapter 12, I was confused about what happened." That's useful feedback to a writer. "This song isn't from the right era" when I began the chapter with "I've decided to set this in present day because it gives me more options" is just you complaining. It would be like you bitching about me using rosemary in the dinner that I made for myself but decided to share with you because I thought you might enjoy it. You didn't pay me for the dinner. This isn't a customer is king sort of relationship. I'll fucking use rosemary if I want to fucking use rosemary. If you don't like it, don't eat it.

The other one is that people sometimes don't like my version of Draco, because he's too nice. I find this critique really disturbing. Draco, as he was in the books, was not a nice person. Him, staying as he was, and getting together with Hermione, would be an abusive relationship. Imagine a black woman dating a racist white man who calls her a n*er. It's not cool. It's not sexy. It's not ok. I also tend to think Draco following on the course he was on in school would result in an abusive personality. Definitely emotionally and verbally (I mean, he was already there), but probably physically as well. I'm not saying that wouldn't make an interesting story, but it would be really depressing to write. Hermione decides she can save/reform/whatever Draco, that he's really "not like that" deep down. They get together. He really is like that. She ends up stuck in an abusive relationship. Seriously. that's how it works. I've had to read police reports on that shit, watch victims make excuses, drop charges, go back to their abusers. It's awful. And the idea that people reading these stories like Draco exactly as he was in the book really, really upsets me. The only way I can like Draco is if he, not anyone else, just him, decides he needs to change. He has to start becoming a better person before Hermione ever looks twice at him. He has to question himself, his family, his choices. And honestly, given her character, I don't think she'd fall for the "deep down" thing anyway. I think she'd need some indication he was actually evolving.

Sadly, like all things in life, I seem to focus on the bad more than the good. So even though I often get nice, cheerful reviews, or really helpful and constructive reviews, in addition to these two types, these are the ones that worm their way into my head. Then, the next time I go to write, I get stuck on it. I end up in an endless internal debate. I decide to just delete all my stories and stop posting at all. But then I feel bad. Like, what if someone is reading it right now? I'd be so pissed if an author deleted a story I was halfway through.

So this is my warning to anyone who is currently reading one of my stories, or who likes to re-read any of my stuff. You may come on here one day and not be able to find it. Apologies if you do. I promise I tried to hold out as long as I could.

With any luck, that won't be the case. I really liked where Down the Rabbit Hole was going. Maybe I'll be able to get back to writing it. But I haven't been able to get past the internal debate yet.

Apologies.