Name: .Rachel.
Age: My age is a number. :D
What would you do if a hobo jumped out of the bushes and stole your wallet? I have a wallet?? Well, I'm not old enough for a credit card or drivers liscence so, it would just be money, so... yah, i'd let him keep it. Do good for a hobo, ya know?
What would you do if Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer showed up in your front yard? Keep him and have him give me rides and love him as if he were my own ;)
Do you like eggs? If I did, I would be stupid.
How do you like your eggs? Invisible.
Would you like to put pepper on your eggs? I prefer pepper off my eggs, thanks!
Why? Cuz i don't LIKE them, thats why!!
That's nice… do you like cheese? Over bread and marinara sauce.
What if the cheese you were eating turned into a monkey butt? I'd think that I obviously had some sort of magical power, turn the butt into a huge life-time supply of chocolate ice cream.
Would that disturb you? Not if I got the chocolate ice cream.
Why? Cuz ice cream is the BESTEST!
So when are you going to visit your fairy Godmother? I HAVE A FAIRY GODMOTHER?!
Are you sure? No, I'm not! Do I have one??
Do you like potatoes? mhmmm...
What kind of potatoes? Mashed.
Maybe you'd like your potatoes with some mayonnaise? Maybe you'd like to stuff butt in your mouth.
Anyways… so what would you do if a penguin ate all of your Cheetos? Nothinggg! I hate cheetos with a passion.
Would you kick it? HALEE NO!!

Do you agree that penguins are AWESOME?! YESSSS!
And so are monkeys, right? Oh yesss.
Anyways… so how would you feel if you were molested by Michael Jackson? That's not even possible anymore.
Why would you feel that way? HE'S DEAD!
Are you sure? Yep!
Positive? Nope!
Okay then… so what do you do when aliens come to suck out your brains? Kick there slimy green butts!
Nice answer…
So what do you think of Brittany Spears? There have been better humans…
Do you like to dance in the rain with a bikini on? YEAH!
I bet you do…
Do you like to eat ham smothered in hot and spicy cow fetuses? Um, no. Ew.
Are you sure? Yes i am.
What would you do if a stranger came up to you and grabbed your ass? Scream in his face, slap him and run.
Would this upset you? Yah!
Why? He's a freakin' stranger!!
I see…
How do you feel about chicken? They taste good. Especially when they are coated with ranch dressing and goldfish crackers.
What would you do if you found an elf in your bed last night? Scream my frackin' head off.
YOU WOULD MOLEST IT WOULDN'T YOU?? HELL NO!
…don't lie. Believe me... I'm not...

Family Guy quotes next!!(mostly stewie tho.)

Stewie Griffin: Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mummy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mama! Mama! Mama!
Lois Griffin: WHAT!?
Stewie Griffin: Hi. runs off giggling

Brian Griffin(dog): You're drunk.
Stewie Griffin: You're sexy.

Lois Griffin: Stewie, why don't you play in the other room?
Stewie Griffin: Why don't you burn in hell?

Stewie: “How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice little story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protagonist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? No, no, you deserve some time off.”

Stewie: “Oh, yes, Meg, yes-yes yes, everything was going swimmingly for you until this. Yes, yes, THIS is the thing that will ruin your reputation, not your years of grotesque appearance, or your awkward social graces, or that Felix Ungerish way you clear your sinuses, no no no, it's THIS. Do you hear yourself talk? I might kill you tonight.”

Stewie: “It wasn't even about the eggs, really. Frankly, I like the yolks. I have no problem. There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore. I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult. And then I think to myself, 'My God wouldn't it be marvelous if I turned out to be a homosexual?'”

Stewie: “Oh I know it hurts now Brian, but look at the bright side: you have some new material for that novel you've been writing. You know...the novel you've been workin' on? You know the, the one, uh; you've been workin on for three years? You know the novel. Got somethin' new to write about now. You know? Maybe a, maybe a main character gets into a relationship and suffers a little heartbreak? Somethin' like what... what you've just been through? Draw from real life experience? Little, little heartbreak? You know? Work it into the story? Make the characters a little more three dimensional? Little, uh, richer experience for the reader? Make those second hundred pages really keep the reader guessing what's going to happen? Some twists and turns? A little epilogue? Everybody learns that the hero's journey isn't always a happy one? Oh, I look forward to reading it.”

Stewie: “Let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn until OOP! Big shock, a jack pops out and you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside.”

Stewie's Letter: Dear stupid dog, I've gone to live with the children on jolly farm. Good bye forever. Stewie.
P.S. I never got a chance to return that sweater Lois gave me for Christmas. Umm, I left the receipt on top of my bureau. I'm probably over the thirty day return limit but umm… I'm sure if you make a fuss they'll at least give you a store credit or something. Umm.. It's actually not a horrible sweater. It's... It's just I can't imagine when I would ever wear it you know? Oh I also left a button on the bureau. I'm not sure what it goes to, but I can never bring myself to throw a button away. I know that as soon as I do I'll find the garment it goes to and then it'll… Wait a minute, could it be from the sweater? Did that sweater have buttons? Hmm… Well I should wrap this up before I start to ramble. Again, goodbye forever.
P.P.S. You know, it might be a little chilly in London; I'm actually going to take the sweater.

Chris: “Hey little dude, how about some ice cream?”
Stewie: “Yes I could go for a frozen treat right about now. But no sprinkles. And for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.”

Stewie: “Oh damn! Jeremy is still in the trunk! How long has it been, two weeks? Yeah, he's dead.”

Stewie: “What are these? Pancakes? Oh oh, these are delectable. Good news Flappy, I've decided not to kill you!”

Stewie: “Hey look! The fat one made a funny!
Okay, I got one...if you were to cook any slower, why; you wouldn’t be cooking very fast now would you?” (Pause.) “Well that wasn't very funny...oh, oh...
okay I got one.” (Giggling) “If you were to cook any slower, you wouldn't need an egg timer; you would need an egg calendar...hahahaha!! Oh yes, I went there!!”

Guy on Airplane: Oh great, I always end up sitting next to a damn baby.
Stewie: What did you just say?
Lois: Stewie, stop fussing.
Stewie: Pipe down Lois. (Slaps guy on head.) Hey big man, turn around. Oh you can't hear me now. I was going to watch the movie, but forget it. For the next 5 hours, you're my bitch.

Stewie (to Jeremy, the babysitter's boyfriend):
Ha! I got your hat! Take that, hatless! Now go back to the quad and resume your hackey sac tourney! I'm not gonna lay down for some frat boy bastard with his damn Teva sandals and his Skoal Bandits and his Abercrombie and Fitch long sleeved, open stitched, crew neck Henley smoking his sticky buds out of a soda can while watching his favorite downloaded Simpsons episodes every night! Yes, we all love "Mr. Plow"! Oh, you've got the song memorized, do you? SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE! That is exactly the kind of idiot you see at Taco Bell at 1 in the morning! The guy who just whiffed his way down the bar skank ladder!

(Lois finds a note in Chris's pocket)
Lois: Huh, what's this? You know Stewie, Mommy doesn't usually read things out of Chris's pocket. She's more respectful than that.
Stewie: Whatever helps you sleep at night, bitch.

Stewie: Did you hear that Meg? Guys can marry other guys now. So...this is awkward, but I mean, if they can do that, that is pretty much it for you, isn't it? I mean you as well pack it in. Game over.

Peter: (Walks out of the bathroom and wanders into another room. He walks into the room and walks behind the bed. We find out that this is Chris' room.) Hey, you still awake, Lois honey? (Peter lays down into Chris' bed.)
Chris: Dad?
Peter: That's right, I'm your daddy. Shh, Shh, Shh, Shh. Don't talk, Lois, don't talk. Just let me do all the work. Yeah...now feel my warm breath on the nape of your neck. My hands on your big soft boobs...running down your big man-like chest. (Peter jumps up.) Holy crap, It's Chris!! Uhh...Uhh...So, uhh...How ya doin'? You do all your homework?
Chris: (nods his head.)
Peter: Finish all your subjects?
Chris: Yes, sir.
Peter: Good, just uhh, just checkin'. (Backs towards the door.) Have a good night son. (Walks down the hall.)
Peter: You still awake honey?
Stewie: What the deuce?

Stewie: Uh you've reached stewie and brian, we're not here right now, uh and if this is mom, uh send money because we're college students and we need money for books...and highlighters...and... ramen noodles...and condoms, for sexual relations with our classmates.

Lois: I'm gonna go get some oranges Stewie. Here, hold the rest of these bags for mommy."
Stewie: Oh, what brilliant parenting Lois. Leave a tiny infant with a plastic bag. You know I might asphyxiate myself just to teach you a lesson. Here I go. Just like that boy from INXS..(Stewie tries to put bag over top of his head.)
Stewie: I'm going to do it! (Tries to put bag over left side of his head then climbs into it and tries pulling it over his head.)
Stewie: BLAST! Good Lord Lois, either I was a c-section, or you're Wonder Woman!

Stewie: I was under the impression the name of the show was "Kids Say the Darndest Things," not "Old Black Comedians Never Shut the Hell Up."

Bill Cosby: Stewie, what do you think candy is made out of?
Stewie Griffin: Sunshine and farts! What the hell kind of question is that?!

Stewie (talking on Sesame Street phone): Put me through to the Pentagon!
Ernie: Do you know what sound a cow makes?
Stewie: Don't toy with me Ernie! I've already dispacted Mr. Hooper, I've got 6 armed men stationed out side Big Bird's nest, and well as for Linda, well, its rather difficult for a deaf woman to hear an assasin approach now, isn't it?!
Ernie: Can you count to three?
Stewie: Oh indeed I can! (Pulls out a raygun.) One! Two! Three! Can I count to three for God's sake?! I'm already shooting at a fifth grade level!

Stewie: I want pancakes!! You people understand every language except English! Yo quiero pancakes! Donnez-moi pancakes! Click-click-bloody-click pancakes!!

Stewie: Now, I'm going to do something I like to call the 'Compliment Sandwhich" Where I say something good, talk about where you need improvement, and then end with something good.
Brian: Whatever you gotta do...
Stewie (flips notepad): Something good... something good... You look like SNOOPY and it makes me smile... but you have smelly dog farts.

Meg: I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts.
(Lois and Peter stare in silence)
Meg: I'm allergic to peanuts.
(Peter and Lois keep staring)
Meg: You dont know anything about me. (runs upstairs)
Peter: Who was that guy?

Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.

Peter: (Grabs the microphone at a fast food restaurant) Attention restaurant customers: Testicles. That is all.

Peter: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running?
Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually.

Brian: Hola, me llamo es Brian ... Nosotros queremos ir con ustedes.. uhhhh ...
Bellboy (Spanish): Hey, that was pretty good, except when you said "me llamo es Brian," you don't need the "es," just me llamo Brian.
Brian: Oh, oh you speak English!
Bellboy (sigh): No, just that first speech and this one explaining it.
Brian: You ... you're kidding me, right?
Bellboy (Spanish): Que?

Peter: Oh, Lois, you are so full of (BEEP)! WHAT?! Now I can't say (BEEP) in my own (BEEP)ing house?! Great, Lois. Just (BEEP)in' great. You know, you're lucky you're good at (BEEP) my (BEEP) or I'd never put up with ya. You know what I'm talking about, when you (BEEP) lubed-up (BEEP) toothpaste in my (BEEP) while you (BEEP) on a cherry (BEEP)Episcopalian (BEEP) extension cord (BEEP) wetness (BEEP) with a parking ticket. That is the best!

Peter: Sometimes it's appropriate to swear
(Peter is in court)
Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you god?
Peter: I do...You bastard

Tom Tucker: And now time for Ollie Williams with the Black-U-Weather Forecast. Ollie?
Ollie: It gon rain.
Tom Tucker: Thanks, Ollie.

Well, finally, this is the stuff about ME! ahahah well, my first name is Rachel and my middle name is Mae and you are absolutely NOT getting my last name ;) Well, I'm 13, I dance and I'm a cheerleader at my middle school! I'm in 8th grade and I'm single, sadly. My first love just started high school this year so I don't see him anymore :( But, at least, I'm still in touch with him. I like to sing, dance, model, cheerlead, ice skate and do taekwondo. Writing and Reading are kinda second to all that, but I still like doing them alot! I love to watch Family Guy, as you can see above, So You Think You Can Dance, Psych, Glee, If You Really Knew Me, and alot of other things. Mostly murder mysteries like Medium or the Closer. I like to write about Teen stuff like depression or heart break. I have no clue why, cuz i'm none of those things. I'm pretty outgoing and fun! Anyway, I have brown wavy hair, hazel eyes, fair skin with freakles almost EVERYWHERE on my face and a lot sprinkled on my arms. I'm weird, yess, but I am also crazy... Nevermind... BYE.