Author has written 5 stories for Harry Potter, and Avengers. Am an Indian Love fiction and FanFiction Enjoy long walks on the beach and screwing with reality. RANDOMNESS RULES!! Things to do in a shop when you are bored. 1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens. 5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of MM's on lay away. 6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 9. Look right into the security camera use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. 10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are. 11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme song. 12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels. 13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" 14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!" 15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! 16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!" Repost this if you laughed... Or are planning to do any of these things Things To Ponder: Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is? Can fat people go skinny-dipping? If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? So what's the speed of dark? How come abbreviated is such a long word? Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak? Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station..If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"? Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans? Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there? If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water? Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food? If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in? Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse? Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market? Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias? Why does an "X" stand for a kiss? Why does the word "Filipino" start with the letter F? Why are the copyright dates on movies and television shows written in Roman numbers? Some favorite (and completely weirdo) sayings: I write for the same reason that I breath. . . because if I didn't then I would die. I had a thought but it got lonely and went away. Money talks and mine says "Good-bye." Went into the grinder and came out as hairTouch it and see if it's hot (you just had to be there for that one) It's okay to talk to yourself, it's okay to ask yourself questions, it's even okay to answer those questions. Just don't ever ask yourself a question and then go "huh?" Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense. Don't spend money you don't have cause at some point they're going to want it and you're still not going to have it. A friend will bail you out of jail at two o'clock in the morning but a true friend will be sitting in the cell beside you saying "Damn that was fun!"A friend will help you move but a true friend will help you move a body. Due to the worsening of the economy the light at the end of the tunnel has been temporarily turned off. I do not suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. My train of thought got derailed. If someone gave you half a brain, you'd still only have half a brain. All things in the world are mind over matter; if you don't mind then it doesn't matter. Close only counts in horseshoes and handgrenades. Most people have a filter between their brain and their mouth that tells them when they shouldn't say something. Me, not so much. Shut up brain or I'll stab you with a Q-tip again. I tried to keep an open mind but my brains kept falling out. The more things change, the more things remain. . . insane. You have hate mail. . . you have more hate mail. . . your hate mailbox is full. (occassionably Disney comes up with some real winners.) Knowledge is power. . . power corrupts. . . study hard. . . BE EVIL! Your talking is getting in the way of my telling you to shut up. I'm in hillbilly hell! My IQ is dropping by the second! I'm becoming one of them!Why is the rum gone?! 'Stress' A condition brought on by over riding the body's desire to kick someone's ass. Always glad to inadvertantly inspire genius. Argh! There are WAAAY too many HP/Twilight crossovers! GET OVER NEW MOON PEOPLE! THE ENTIRE SERIES SUCKED! AND YES, I HAVE READ THEM ALL! *GO TEAM JACOB! KICK THAT SPARKLEPIRE'S ARSE!!!!!!* The Twilight saga sucked end of story. And who came up with that almost-impossible-to pronounce name like Renesme?! 20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time , Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it " In". 5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso. 6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks , Write "For Smuggling Diamonds". 7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy". 8. Don't use any punctuation. 9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk. 10. Order a Diet Water when ever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go". 12. Sing Along At The Opera. 13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme? 14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day. 15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood. 16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom. 17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!" 18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!" 19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go." 20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity . 98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy paste this in your profile. If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile. If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile. I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it. If you are insane, enjoying every second, and proud of it, copy this and paste it into your profile. If you are obsessed with something considered childish for someone your age, copy this into your profile. Anime, video games, cartoons, comics, you name it... I once read that only math can save us now. Put this in your profile if you're screwed. If you are a Gaara Fanatic copy this into your profile If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile. If you ever suffered from FanFiction withdraw copy this into your profile! If you think Orochimaru is what you get when Michael Jackson and Voldemort have unprotected sex, CP this into your profile. All the good men in this world are either gay, taken, or fictional charaters. Copy if true. It's not fair...-sob- If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile. If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile. In class, all the time! If you have ever had done something or said something that made perfect sense to your real friends and only caused your "peers" to look at you strangely and roll their eyes, copy and paste this into your profile. 98 percent of the population would die if Johnny Depp said it wasn't cool to breathe. Copy this onto your profile if you would be one of the 2 percent that is laughing your ass off. If you think that writing Fanfic stories is fun then copy this onto your profile! If you have ever considered going to the dark side since they have cookies, copy this onto your profile. If your family wonders how you can remember all the naruto character's names, copy and paste this into your profile. If Fanfiction is to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile. Doing homework sucks. Copy and paste this into your profile if you agree. LOL I OWE MY MOTHER 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why." 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!" 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. " There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." 16 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home." 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!" 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way." 19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me. " 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father." 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you". Love the stupidity and randomness. NOW QUOTES TO LIVE BY 1.) Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head. 2.) Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. Vampires vs. Werewolves...It's kinda like pirates vs ninjas, but cooler Firefighter: At one point we decided to fight fire with fire... Well...basically... your house burned even faster. 14.) Oh god! They took my freaking kidney! I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again. Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that jerk upside the head 19.) "Some people are like Slinkies. They're really good for nothing. But they still really bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Collin. 21.) Friends will always be like "well you deserve better" but best friends will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days" Guns don't kill people. I do. My imaginary friend doesn't like you either. 30.) flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss. 31.) Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS 32.) The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. 33.) The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45. 34.) Assassinations is an extreme form of censorship. I'll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh the fun I will have. 39.) Somebody needs a Happy Meal. 42.) Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing. 46.) I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you. Although, chainsaw beats scissors, paper, AND rock! 48.) I am going to put an end to my procrastination problem. . . Tomorrow To put it nicely, I hope you choke. If Tylenol, Duct Tape, a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem. Would you like a cookie? So would I. 56.) You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear. 57.) Well the voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous; you suck. 58.) A day without sunshine is like... night. 59.) A rejected invention: Instant water! just add water! 60.) Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot 61.) Don't make me mad...I'm known to bite at random!! 62.) Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls. 63.) I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect! 64.) I do what cheerios tell me. 65.) I put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'. 66.) I'm hearing voices in my head and they don't like you! 67.) I'm knocking on heaven's door.. voice in back round: Knocking? You very nearly broke the bloody thing down!! me: That wasnt my fault!! It was poor constrution... I SWEAR!! Dont look at me like that... 68.) If you wish on a falling star it might come true... Unless it's a meteor hurdling to earth... Then no wishes come true... Unless your wish was to be killed a meteor hurdling to earth. 69.) My Braces Are Stuck To The Carpet... 70.) Someday my prince will come he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask for directions. 72.) Okay...so there's this thing called retarded-ness and me and my freinds, well...We've gone pro. 10 Commandments of a Teenager 1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.(Why wait that long?) 2) Thou shall not do drugs.(Alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.) 3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.(Wal-Mart has a bigger selection) 4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.(Destruction has a bigger effect) 5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.(Everyone knows grandma has more money) 6) Thou shall not get into fights.(Just start them) 7) Thou shall not skip class.(Just take the whole day off) 8) Thou shall not strip in class.(Hooters pays more) 9) Thou shall not think about having sex.(like Nike says, "Just do it") 10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.(Just leave ‘em in the middle) |