Garen Crownguard never expected anything. He knew from the start what he should do and his mother made sure to remind him of that every chance she got.

"You will become a soldier, Garen."

He didn't ask why and he didn't object. He did what was expected. Garen crownguard didn't like conflict. If there was a way to avoid it, he would. So when his mother had told him, when he was thirteen, that he'd follow his father's footsteps, he accepted.

He didn't cry or struggle or scream when the army took him away from home. It was expected. Lux on the other hand did all of it and called their mother the most unholy of words she could think of, but Garen assured her they'd meet again.

When his mother scowled and told him to achieve a higher rank, He did. He became Luitenant. When his mother said that his father was a royal guardsman, assigned directly to king Jarvan's command, he did what was expected. He became a member of the vanguard, then the commander of them.

Garen first objected to his mother when Lux turned 12. He had the first fight with the greying woman and it wasn't even about his own life. The conversation got so heated he even raised his voice and bumping one of her porcelains on the ground.

It was the first time the woman listened to what he wanted.. He wanted Lux to lead a normal childhood, to go to school and meet friends. He kept her magic a secret because, wasn't that what a brother does? Was that not what a younger sibling expects of their big brother?

He wanted to protect lux from what he had to do, from all the expectation and responsibilities he had to struggle with. It was the one thing he wanted to do more than anything. Protect her. If he had to give up hopes and dreams to achieve that, so be it.

His mother went behind his back however and send Lux to the army the next year, completely disregarding what either of her children wanted. She went to the army, because it was expected of a Crownguard. To serve.

The second time Garen opposed his mother, was years later. He never had a conflict about this, it was never mentioned. Both knew what was going on. His mother knew of all the times Katarina DuCouteau entered the family estate through one of the countless windows. And Garen knew of all the shame it brought to his mother. She reminded him every chance she got. He knew he was expected not to do these things, but it was one thing he couldn't - wouldn't - let go.

"You're a disgrace to your family name, if only you could be more like your sister."

Ironic, is what it was. Lux was a facade of smiles and light. He had known this for a long time, yet pretended that the bottles of booze in her room were not drunk by her. That the fading scars were not there, that she was at least happy. He couldn't live with her not being happy.

If there was anything he hadn't expected, it was how much his feelings for the red haired noxian would grow. How lust quickly turned into affection. How curiosity became genuine interest. He grew attached to her presence, the sharpness of her metal a comforting constant in his life.

And yet it was brutally ripped away from him. One slash, one motion. It was enough to end it all. And he was reminded how fragile she truly was, even with her blood red hair and intimidating eyes. Nothing could take away the fact that she was still this tiny woman, so easily broken and bended. So fragile beneath it all.

But he liked it. He liked how her pride was bigger than her fears, how she thrived on adrenaline and pushed herself further than the day before. how intimidation never truly seemed to work on her, she was never fazed.

Why hadn't she pushed further this time? Why did she give up so easily, she should've fought back harder, damnit. How dare she give him the little straw of the deal! He was never one for curses, but he used every one he could think of, he cursed himself, cursed her, his mother, his family name, his city, even the world and all the gods he could think of.

This wasn't how it was supposed to be! This was meant to be the last battle. This was supposed to be the last thing standing in their way before.. They'd been talking about wishes and hopes for so long, they had finally made up their mind. it was supposed to be one quick battle then off to golden shores and cool water. off to curls their toes into wet sand and just bet… together.

Fuck.

He didn't foresee her daggers to break from the blow, he expected her to dodge. So many expectations. But she didn't. She didn't even blink. He saw her lips curve into a sad smile and he couldn't stop the swing of the sword. the weight making it go faster around its axis. It was inevitable.

He had always loved the colour red, was drawn to it. He never hated it as much as he did that moment when one single streak appeared on her neck. Before he knew what exactly happened and more red appeared, tainting her neck, collarbones and her entire chest. it wouldn't stop.

Her sad smile didn't falter.

It haunted him, even as the colour drained from her face and when she fell face first in the mud. He couldn't do anything. He couldn't even take her body with him, it belonged to noxus. He would have to let her lay there until the battle was over and it crushed him to know that.

Everything always went down the same road in his life, she was the one that brought difference, a change of pace and a new warmth to his hearth.

But he felt as cold as she did, seemed to die along with her. He supposed he might as well. She was the last purpose in his existence. After lux finally finding some sort of companionship in the arms of another noxian assassin, he was no longer needed to guide her ay, to hold her hand. Seems like the assassin attraction ran in the family. It would've made him laugh under any other circumstances.

Even though he knew he shouldn't, he still turned her lifeless self around and picked her up, he wanted her away from trampling feet and blood. She at least deserved that, he at least could do that. He walked towards the edge of the battlefield, then further 'till the edge of the thin foliage, laying her down next to a berrybush - she once mentioned she liked the blueberries the most. He couldn't stop the apologies from escaping his mouth, but they didn't feel enough. They would never feel enough.

The mud on her face being pushed apart from the tears that dripped down his chin, he tried to wipe it away, to see her beautiful face the way it should've been, But the more he tried so hard to get it off, his dirty hands made it worse.

He felt empty. Not even rage filled him, nor sadness. Only regret and the feeling of having no purpose.

"I am so, so sorry. I ..," Sobs pushed through his throat when nothing else could, when nothing else sufficed.

He dropped his sword and walked towards enemy lines, not once stopping. If they couldn't be together in this life, then maybe - just maybe - they had the next life to try again. Cuts didn't slow him down, the only thing that slowed him was the ax that got buried in his back. Once, twice, until all was black.

I will see you soon, my love.