9/24/11
Dear Elliot,
I've tried calling you several times, but you won't answer your cell. I'd try your house phone, but Kathy or one of your kids could answer it and they're not the ones I want to talk to. Although at this point, maybe they'll at least be able to tell me what's going on. Please El. I understand why you left, but I don't understand why you didn't tell me about it. I'm your partner for better or worse remember?
Hope to hear from you soon,
Olivia
9/29/11
Elliot,
I received your letter today. But it really wasn't much of a letter was it? I've been trying to get a hold of you for weeks now and all I get is "Semper Fi, El" and some little mementos to remember you by? And you couldn't even drop them off in person you had to mail them to the precinct? Did I do something wrong? Offend you in some way? Please just…talk to me.
Olivia
10/1/11
Liv, you didn't do anything wrong okay, this is…this is about me. I'm sorry.
10/3/11
Elliot, you can't just walk out of my life after 12 years without an explanation. You owe me that much. You don't want to work SVU anymore, I get that. But I don't get why you're trying to cut me out. We're more than partners…we're friends. Aren't we?
Liv
10/10/11
I'm trying to make my marriage work, Olivia.
10/11/11
What does that have to do with me?
10/11/11
It has everything to do with you.
11/10/11
So, how's this new partner of yours?
El
11/13/11
How's your marriage?
11/14/11
Fair enough.
Olivia, I'm sorry. I didn't leave SVU because of you, you have to know that. I left because of that case and what I had to do. And I just thought I could use this chance to really try to work on things with Kathy. I couldn't do that with you around because of our history. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, and I don't regret all of them, but right now things between Kathy and I are the best they have been in years. But I still want us to be friends.
Elliot
12/1/11
He's not you.
12/1/11
What?
12/1/11
My new partner. You asked me what he was like. He's not you.
12/25/11
Merry Christmas Elliot! Enjoy actually being home with your family this holiday season. I know that was always something you complained about in the past.
Olivia
12/26/11
Merry Christmas to you too, Olivia! A day late but better late than never, right? Hope you didn't spend the day chasing down bad guys, but I know that's how you like to spend your holidays so never mind. I hope you did. May your New Years be the same way.
Elliot
1/20/12
I've started seeing someone. It's been so long since I've dated, but you know that. He's an ADA and that worries me because it's just another relationship that I'm going to have to keep a secret. Of course you know better than anyone how good I am at keeping secret relationships. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I'm finally moving on. I hope you and Kathy are still doing well.
Olivia
1/22/12
I'm glad to hear that you're doing well. I'm happy for you, Liv, I really am. You deserve happiness more than anyone. And thanks we are doing well. I mean the fighting is starting again but that's always been normal for us. It will pass just like it always does.
Eli decided he wants to be a cop like his daddy yesterday. He has this little plastic badge and he kept walking around the house saying "open up, police." Kathy's worried the babysitter was watching something inappropriate and that's where he got it from. I thought it was cute anyway, even if she didn't. Your godson is growing like a weed, Liv. You wouldn't believe it if you saw him. Here I'll attach a picture of him with his police badge and send it to you. You'll get a kick out of it at least.
Talk to you later,
Elliot
1/30/12
You're right. He's gotten so big I can hardly believe it! And he looks just like you. Right down to his little plastic badge. Thanks for sending me that.
If you don't mind me asking, what are you doing these days? Do you stay home with Eli or are you working somewhere else?
Olivia
2/1/12
I'm still on the force. They have me down at the 12th precinct: homicide. I wanted to get away from the live victims you know? Still have the dead ones so some days aren't much better, but overall I'm less stressed. I thought about resigning or retiring or whatever all together, but what would I do with my life if I wasn't a cop? It's a part of who I am. I thought about narcotics instead of homicide, but the whole undercover work really isn't my thing. Especially without you there to back me up. My new partner is nice and all but he certainly isn't you. He's a guy after all so there's that. I'd rather be watching your backside instead of his.
El
2/29/12
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to write you back. I just have a lot going on right now. Simon's back. He says that CPS is trying to take his kids away and he wants me to help him. I'm not even sure if he knows why they're trying to take them, but he's desperate. And I want to help him, but I can just feel Cragen breathing down my back about what happened last time I tried to help him. I don't need a repeat of that, but he's the only family I have. Correction, I have a niece now. Simon named her after me. But the other kid, the boy, he's his fiancé's kid from a different relationship. He's the one that CPS seems to think is being abused in some way. I don't want to think that Simon is capable of hurting a little boy, but his father… I know I have the same blood he does, but I at least wasn't raised by him.
I don't know what to do, Elliot. I'm distracted and everyone can see it. Cragen's not happy about it. Amaro (my new partner) and Rollins (Fin's new partner) don't know what to think because they don't know the history behind it. And Fin's doing his best to stay out of my way. He and I both went down for our families that year. He understands.
Any advice?
Liv
2/29/12
Fin has a new partner? What happened to Munch?
Simon's bad news, Olivia. You and I both know it. This is the first time you've heard from him since he left five years ago, isn't it? Convenient how he only reaches out when he needs something from you. I honestly don't think you're going to listen to any advice I give you, because I know you and you always go with your gut instinct, even when it's wrong and yes it's been wrong before. So before you go breaking every rule in the book to help this guy out, remember what he did to you last time. Talk to him, see if he plans to let you get to know your niece or if he's just going to disappear again after you help him. Because for the only family that you have, he kind of sucks.
El
3/3/12
Sergeant Munch? He's still here. Guess Cragen just decided Fin needed a partner who was more on his level. :)
So Simon and his fiancé kidnapped their kids from foster care. I got Ellis to take his case and he got the kidnapping charge pleaded down to custodial interference. 60 days. But now he only gets to see little Olivia in a supervised setting for the next three years. Almost reminds me of that case where the husband who had supervised visits with his daughter set his wife on fire. I hated that case.
You know we were talking about having weekly Sunday family dinners. So much for that now right? Maybe I am just better off alone.
3/4/12
Don't you dare say that, Olivia. You're not alone. You have me. So your family is bunch of screw ups, so what? You're not. All right so just, don't be so hard on yourself for things that they've done. You can't change who Simon is anymore than you could stop Serena from being a drunk.
3/4/12
Really? I still have you? Sure as hell doesn't feel like it. I haven't seen you in months. Or had an actual conversation with you in months. All we've been doing is e-mailing sending a snippet of our lives here and another one there. If I really have you, I need more than that.
3/4/12
You need more how, Olivia?
3/5/12
I need to see you.
3/10/12
I can't.
3/10/12
Can't or won't?
4/11/12
Look I know we haven't been speaking because we're both pissed at each other on some level, but do you remember Omar Pena from 2004? We spent nine hours in the interrogation room trying to break him. We were a good team you and me. Well anyway, either we screwed up or the guy managed to escape. It's fleet week and his MO is back: gagged, cut below the chest, and the ammonia for the eyes. Fin thinks it could be a copy cat and Amaro is questioning whether we caught the right guy. What gives him the right to question it? He wasn't in that interrogation room with me for nine hours, you were. As I'm sitting here thinking this, thinking that you are my partner and not him, I realized that I had a bit of a problem. I need closure, Elliot. Not from the Pena case, but from you. Just let me say goodbye.
4/14/12
Hey keep me posted on that Pena case, will you? I'd like to know if those nine hours were worth anything.
When the case is over, let's meet at Pete's Tavern for old time's sake. You can tell me all about the case. And you can say goodbye.
4/17/12
See you tonight at 8?
4/17/12
I'll be there.
He slides into the seat next to her and orders their usual like it hasn't been months since they last did this. She doesn't look at him yet, but her right hand snakes out to grab his left and squeezes hard. The scent of her that hasn't changed in 12, now 13, years drifts towards him as she flips her hair over her shoulder and finally turns to him. She looks like she's about ready to cry and he has the urge to pull her into his arms, but he stops himself. This was a mistake. He shouldn't have agreed to meet her.
"Elliot."
Before he even thinks about it, his right hand is cupping her cheek, his thumb swiping under her eye to catch the tears threatening to spill over. He shakes his head and pulls her into his arms anyway, despite his previous hesitance. Her head falls into the crook of his neck as her arms encircle his torso.
"I've missed you," she breathes against his skin.
This was a mistake keeps echoing in his head because he's missed her too, so much. He's not going to be able to leave her again. Once was hard enough.
"Olivia –" he starts. She pulls away and looks up at him with those beautiful chocolate eyes. "I, uh, I missed you too."
She gives him a small smile and takes her seat again at the bar as the bartender sets down their drinks.
"Pena was innocent," she tells him before taking a long swig of her beer. "You know I can't remember the last time I had a beer instead of wine."
"You're shitting me."
"About Pena or the wine?"
"Pena."
"I wish." She takes another long draw. "I guess you and I are just too intimidating."
"Well I'll be damned. You catch the real prick?"
She nods, setting her beer back down on the bar. "On multiple counts."
"How's your ADA?"
"Well we don't have a set one right now like Casey or Alex, but –"
He laughs. "I meant the one that you're dating."
"Oh." She looks down at the bar. "We broke up recently."
"Why, the sex no good?"
She groans, rolling her eyes. "He got a new job offer."
"That doesn't answer my question about the sex."
She looks over at him, her eyes dark and hooded. "The sex was fine, Elliot. But it doesn't really hold a candle compared to you if that's what you're asking."
He sits back smug, taking another sip of his beer. She sighs and shakes her head.
"No, but really, Liv, I'm sorry that's over. I know you really liked him."
She shrugs, leaning against the back of the bar chair. "He's not you. No one's ever going to be you. But you're married, I've accepted that. The fun we had while you were separated has been over for years now."
"Well I wouldn't really say years considering those couple of nights –"
"Are things really working out with her? Because if they're not…we're not partners anymore, El. We could be together."
"I thought you wanted to meet to say goodbye and let go."
"Originally, I did."
He scrubs a hand over his face before looking back over at her. "Things are fine."
"Then I won't push it. I've already done more damage to this marriage then I'd like to admit."
"Olivia –"
She laughs as the tears brim her eyes again. "I guess this is why we should have just stuck to e-mail. I just needed the last time I saw you to not be a fleeting glance across a chaotic squad room." She moves to stand. "I should go."
He grabs her wrist as she starts to walk away. "I'm always going to love you, Liv."
"Then maybe you should stop lying to yourself that things are fine with your wife." She says it without looking at him and walks out the door without another glance.
3/20/13
Olivia,
I know it's been nearly a year since we last spoke or even e-mailed and I have no one to blame but myself. You were right. I had too much pride to admit to myself that things with Kathy weren't working out. And it's stupid really, that I would want to be stuck in this loveless marriage when I could have had you. By now I may have lost you, for good this time. And I accept that. But I just had to reach out to you and tell you that the divorce has been finalized. I'm a single man. But I'm yours if you'll have me.
Elliot
3/23/13
You're an ass, you know that? I'm in a relationship that has the potential to go somewhere, that could become really serious, and here you are. You should have told me that you were getting a divorce, that things had stopped working. Because it's too late now. I stopped waiting for you a year ago, Elliot. I'm sorry.
3/27/13
I'm sorry too. So, who's the lucky guy?
3/30/13
Liv, come on. What's his name? I'm not going to go stalk the guy.
4/2/13
It's Cassidy.
4/3/13
Cassidy? That idiot you had a one night stand with 13 years ago? Please Liv, tell me it's a different Cassidy.
4/5/13
Sorry, same idiot.
5/30/13
Elliot, something's happened. I need to talk to you.
5/30/13
What? Liv are you okay? What happened? Did somebody hurt you? Did Cassidy hurt you?
5/30/13
You remember that little coffee shop we used to go to off of 6 Ave? Can you meet me there in an hour?
5/30/13
Make it two hours and I'll be there.
He's not sure what to expect when he walks through the doors of the coffee shop. He has no idea what's happened, but it feels like his heart is in his throat. He's been sick with worry ever since he got that first e-mail. It takes him a minute to find her because for some reason she has a hood pulled over her head. Some of the tension leaves his shoulders when he sees it because it's their grey hoodie. He'd wondered if she still wore it.
"Olivia," he calls to her as he approaches her table in the corner.
She jumps at the sound of her name. The tension creeps back into his shoulders. He sits down across from her and notices that one of her arms is in a sling. She looks up at him from under her hood and he sees a black eye, a bruise on her forehead, stitches on her cheek, and a split lip. A soft sob escapes his lips as he takes it all in.
"It looks worse than it is," she tells him, softly.
"Who did this to you?" he grits out. "I'll kill him. I'll kill the sick son of a bitch."
"His name doesn't matter, Elliot. You don't know him and they already have him in lock up."
He groans, reaching out for her and taking her hand from her good arm in his. "What happened?"
"He attacked me at my apartment. No one else was there."
He mutters something incoherent, squeezing her hand. "Did he…did he rape you?"
She shakes her head. "He never got the chance."
"You fight him off?"
She nods.
"That's my girl," he says softly, squeezing her hand even harder.
"Before he tried to rape me, he said that his victims usually cry someone's name out while he does it, like they're pretending it's someone besides him so it doesn't hurt as much. And he asked me if I was thinking about someone that I was never going to see again. Someone that I would give anything to see just one more time. Asked if I was going to cry out his name."
She pauses to wipe her tear-stained cheeks on her shoulders and winces when she jostles her arm in the sling the wrong way.
"I was thinking about you, Elliot. Brian was not even a thought in my mind. All I could think about was that I was going to die in that room without ever having told you how much I love you. That the last time that we kissed, that we…made love, we were drunk and you were cheating on your wife. About how that couldn't be the last time."
She pauses again, coughing a bit and winces in pain.
"Did that sick bastard break one of your ribs too?"
"He broke two of them."
"I'll kill him."
"I told him that. After I got away and got him handcuffed to the bed, I told him all about my old partner. And how if he, if you, were there you'd torture him and make him beg for his life. He responded to that by saying that I still wanted you. He could hear it in my voice he said. So I picked up the bedpost I had broken off and started beating him with it. Over, and over, and over. And that's what the rescue team walked in on. And Amaro was there and he gave me his coat, but all I wanted when I walked out of that house was for you to be there waiting for me. But you weren't there. And I went home with Brian and not you. I don't want him anymore, Elliot. I just want you."
He moves his chair so it's next to her instead of across from her. "You have me."
She leans into his embrace as a fit of sobs wreck her body. He can feel people's eyes on them, but she is his only concern at the moment. He realizes it's always been that way, especially after Gitano.
"If I would have…" she trails off as she tries to catch her breath. "Brian was working the night shift so he wasn't home. If I had taken you back when you asked, you would have been there, this wouldn't have happened."
"No, don't do that," he whispers into her hair. "Don't blame yourself or Cassidy or anyone else besides your attacker. Even if you had been with me, there's no way to know if I would have been home that night."
"Where were you on the 22nd?"
"…home."
She huffs, which turns into another cough, causing her to grab at her ribs with her good arm.
"I hate that this happened to you," he tells her. "I hate that you've come so close to getting rapped twice and that neither time I was there to protect you. But you're going to get through this. We're going to get through this. Because you are the strongest woman that I know Olivia Benson."
She straightens up in his arms and rests her forehead against his. "Thank you, for being here."
"We're partners. For better or worse."
AN: I know I said a while back I was down with writing SVU. Well the Lewis case has changed that. As has the continuation of this Cassidy relationship. I plan to add a second chapter to this after the Lewis trial on Wednesday. The chapter probably won't be up until Thursday or Friday though. Thoughts are always welcome.