The Visit Chapter 17

A/N: Sorry for the delay. I got a couple negative reviews and was down about it for a while. Writing is so complicated when you have Feelings to get over lol. Thanks to those who continue to read and enjoy this story! Happy Sunday :)

Chapter 17 'Acedia'

Summer forest, 2 miles from the ruined Palace

Snow White and Prince Charming set off for the Palace at first light the next morning. It had been torture trying to sleep, knowing that Henry might be lost or worse, but there was no point searching for missing people in the dark. Regina ordered them not to put themselves in "dangerous situations like the idiots you are" so soon after finding out they were alive. Hence they were forced to wait until morning.

The Royals went alone. All of the Elite soldiers were employed in protecting the civilians back at the makeshift camp and they did not want to risk leaving their people unprotected should the Witch decide to attack them again.

Mary Margaret reached for her husband's hand as they neared the ruins. It was an awful sight. A grim reminder of just how close they'd come to losing everything important mixed with the dread of what they might find inside now.

Mary Margaret worried her lip as they walked the road. "I wonder how Emma is this morning."

David reassured her. "I'm sure she's calmed down, my love. Regina will make her see the sense in waiting until we find out if Henry's really here."

"Hmm. Emma's quite stubborn."

"And Regina's not?"

"She is, but she also won't let anything get in the way of what she wants. Even herself. Whereas Emma's a runner."

David chuckled. "What does that mean."

"Did you know Emma's gay?"

"Wha-?" the Prince cleared his throat, stunned by the sudden 180 in topic. "Ahem. I know you said she has some sort of… 'thing' with Regina. But I also thought she liked Hook and then there was Neal... How do you know?"

"She told me the first day she got here. It saddens me."

David swiveled on her with concern. "Honey, it's ok. Our daughter is still the same wonderful person. She has as much chance for happiness as anyone."

"Of course she does! That's not why it makes me sad. It's that we're only finding out about it here, now. I thought we were close in Storybrooke but she never said a word about such a big part of herself. It worries me that she felt she couldn't tell us when she knew we were her parents. Did she think we wouldn't love her and support her? How could she even think that."

"It's not really about us, Mar. It's about how Emma feels. We have to do our best to be available and open to whatever she's comfortable with telling us."

Mary's voice wavered and she blinked quickly, she wrapped her arms around her middle. "I keep losing my children."

The dry leaves underfoot crunched as David stopped to face her. He brought both his hands up to cup under his wife's chin and spoke gently. "Snow. If you run after woodland creatures, what happens? They run away. But if you wait quietly and listen… they'll come to you."

Mary Margaret smiled in spite of her melancholy. "I'm sure Emma would be thrilled to be compared to a chipmunk."

A twig snapped nearby and they both paused, scanning through the trees for any movement.

The woods were nearly silent, not even the birds were singing, but there was definitely no creature in sight - human or animal. They were on one of the kingdom roads, ordinarily a main thoroughfare to and from the Summer village, and before the evacuation it would not have been this deserted. The Royals listened for further noises but heard none.

"Everything will be fine," said David, tipping his head towards the ruined Palace not far ahead. "We'll find Henry and then we'll go to our girls."

"The Elites said Henry and the other pawn, Jenna, were headed for the new wing where the Ballroom meets the battlements."

"Unfortunately that's where most of the damage was."

Mary nodded, eyes flitting to the woods to her side, and then they set off again, hand-in-hand. "Let's go around the perimeter first. Just in case."

Winter castle

If Emma thought this morning was going to be different to her previous ones she would've been wrong.

She'd woken up grumpy and alone in a cold bed again. Before she was even upright her troubled thoughts resumed. Not only was she was annoyed with herself for opening up to Regina last night, sounding like a pathetic orphan, she was extra annoyed at herself for begging her to tell her she was loved. She wasn't sure what'd come over her.

Ugh! Why did I do that! I must've sounded like a desperate idiot.

Emma could've sworn Regina had been about to kiss her though. Maybe it was just wishful thinking. Being interrupted by that shady Blue Fairy while laying her heart bare had only left her feeling vulnerable. And stupid.

But the look she'd seen in the Queen's incredibly dark and expressive eyes… Oh god. It was like staring right into her dreams, like the dark chocolate orbs held everything she'd ever wanted and were welcoming her home… A home she couldn't remember.

Emma marched the halls with purpose, determined to run into the Queen on her way back from her routine check on her friend, Tink.

They had to talk. About the 'not-kiss' and whatever was going on between them. At least if she got rejected she could tell her stupid brain to get over it and stop obsessing over her son's mother.

Yeah, right.

Emma rounded a corner and nearly bowled over by the subject of her thoughts. They did a quick awkward dance.

Regina stepped aside. She could her looking her up and down which was unnecessary because she'd been the one to conjure Emma's change of clothing herself. "Good morning."

Annoyingly, the Queen looked as stunning as always, today in a deep crimson skirt and boned bodice trimmed with black lace and iced with swirls of crushed diamonds. Her shiny raven black hair half swept into a matching diamond comb leaving the rest of the shorn locks kicking around her chin.

Emma tried not to be affected by her presence, shoving the zing of instant attraction down inside.

The Queen spoke again, looking at her closely. "I don't suppose you've taken the potion yet."

"No. Why are you avoiding me," said Emma, no preamble whatsoever.

Regina raised an imperious eyebrow. "I have staff all over the castle. I know where you are at all times. If I were avoiding you I would be much more effective at it than this encounter implies."

"Where do you go at nights. Do you sleep?"

"Excuse me? Of course I sleep."

"Where?" Emma pressed on. "Not in your chambers, because I've been there every night for a week or more. There must be a million guest rooms in a place like this. If you want me to get out so you can have your room back just say so."

The Queen actually looked affronted at the idea that her hospitality was lacking. "That's uncalled for. I've never said or done anything to make you think that's what I want."

"If you don't want me out and you're not avoiding me, then why are sleeping in some other room? Or are you up all night working. You always look exhausted these days. Are you avoiding sleep or is sleep evading you. Which is it."

Regina screwed up her face in annoyed confusion, she must have finally lost her patience. "Emma, what?! These questions are insane. What do you want to know?"

Emma enunciated each word. "Are. you. sleeping."

"Obviously I am," the Queen's eyes flashed with sarcasm. "Sleep deprivation is dangerous, if I'd not slept in a week I'd be psychotic by now. Some might say 'more psychotic'."

The contemptuous reply only made Emma feel more pissy and she muttered some curses under her breath. "Fucking hell you're impossible to deal with sometimes."

"I don't think it's me who is being impossible right now. Why won't you just take the damn potion and-"

Footsteps of guards or servants going about their daily business were audible down the hall. Sound always carried easily in the stone corridors. It would not do for the Queen to be overheard arguing with her supposed guest/lover and spark gossip that would spread around the castle like wildfire.

Regina looked both ways and then pulled Emma aside, lowering her voice to a hiss. "What are we even arguing about. It's too early for this. Did you get out of the wrong side of the bed this morning."

"Yes!" Emma gestured wildly, aware that she must seem half crazy by now. "Because you weren't in it. You lied to me about the sleeping curse, you lied to me about Henry, and you won't tell me about our past. You won't come near me when it's late, it's like you're hiding something. And you haven't said a word to me since you almost kissed me last night."

"It's not what you think-"

"Don't pretend like there's nothing between us-"

Regina shook her head. "You don't understand."

"You make me feel stupid! I hate this!"

Without warning, Regina stepped closer to Emma and wrapped her arms around her. They both vanished on the spot leaving only a cloud of purple smoke.

Summer Palace ruins

"Put your back into it, honey."

David exhaled with effort and sent his wife a quelling Look. "Really?" he panted, pushing his weight against a fallen wooden beam trying to shift it. "I could use a little help here, princess."

Mary Margaret smiled sweetly at her husband. "I could summon my woodland creatures to help you… but then I'd miss out on watching my handsome prince exert his physical strength. It's having quite the effect on me. I imagine that will be of some interest to you later."

"Well, at least I'm throwing out my back for a good cause."

Something shifted in the rubble finally and David was able to shoulder the beam's heavy weight long enough to clear a gap. They were on the wrong side of the ballroom though, where the twisted remains of the ceiling, tapestries, and light fixtures formed a prohibitive tangle.

"Mary!" David wheezed. "Can you slip through? I can't hold it long."

Mary Margaret crouched and ducked into the opening David had cleared and made her way as far into the rubble as she could, which unfortunately was not more than a few yards. There was plenty of light illuminating the dust motes and she could recognise particular furnishings from her palace ballroom now laying in ruin.

Something odd caught her eye. A flash of gold and she recognised it immediately.

A glass coffin with script running along the golden base. Here lies the Queen Regina… Long live the Queen...

"Can you see anything?" called David.

"Yes!" Mary Margaret called back. "It's the glass coffin. The one Regina was placed in while she was under the sleeping curse. But it's empty of course."

"Do you think Henry might've come this way and found it?"

"I doubt it. There's too much damage here to get any further through. We have to go back and around another way."

Mary carefully extricated herself from the wreck and quickly passed through the gap David was still maintaining by straining his weight against the beam. As soon as she was clear, he let it go with a solid thud. The cloud of dust made them both cough.

"We'll have to backtrack," said Mary. David nodded.

Snow White and Prince Charming went back the way they came and circled around the worst of the ruined battlements to enter the castle once more. The only way to get in this time was directly opposite the side of the ballroom they'd first come in on. The halls were cluttered but their passing through them was unhindered though it was sad to see their once lively palace so quiet and empty.

"This is awful," said Mary Margaret, slipping her hand into her husband's for comfort. "It could take years to repair all of this."

"The most important thing is that nobody was hurt. Or worse."

"That we know of," she sighed. "Besides, Emma did get hurt by the Witch. I don't even want to think about what it'd be like if something's happened to Henry."

"There's no sign that anyone came this way. What was the name of the other Pawn?"

"Jenna."

A cough came from nearby. The two Royals froze immediately, wide-eyed.

"Who's there?" called Mary Margaret. "Is anyone there?"

David paused and then called out into the emptiness. "We're here to help."

The coughs repeated, and then the two of them saw what they hadn't noticed before. A small figure dressed head-to-toe in black combat gear with silver livery was slumped against what was left of the ballroom entryway.

"Oh my god!" Mary Margaret and David snapped into action and ran to the figure, who they presumed was injured. It was not Henry but a young blonde girl of similar age wearing the uniform of Regina's Elite guards.

Mary knelt by the girl who stared a thousand-yard stare. Her first assumption was that the girl had gone into shock. "Jenna, is that you? Are you ok, what happened."

David scanned the pre-teen's body for injuries and looked around for anything that might account for her current condition. But there was no blood, no wounds or damage to be seen.

Jenna sighed wearily. "What do you want."

"I'm Snow White from the Winter Kingdom and this is Prince Charming. We're here to rescue you. The Elites told us you went off with Henry. Do you know what happened to him?"

The girl shrugged, her blank expression indicating complete apathy about her fellow Pawn's whereabouts. She sounded like a sullen teenager. "I guess."

Mary pressed again. "Jenna, please tell us. It's important. Where is Henry?"

There was no response from her. David asked more sternly. "Was the Witch here?"

Jenna nodded, an action which seemed to drain her of what little energy she appeared to possess. "She took Henry. I didn't stop it."

"What! Why? What did the Witch do to you."

"Nothing. I just didn't see why I should sacrifice myself and die for some spoiled rich brat. Besides he ordered me never to do it so I had to obey. Not that I care about him. As if it matters. Nothing does."

The Royals were taken aback by the girl's answer. They had not known Jenna previously but they knew well the culture of the Elite Royal Guards. The Guards were famous for their loyalty and devotion to their Queen, ready to fight for her or make any sacrifice necessary to uphold their honour. According to Regina, their loyalty would extend to her son.

It was utterly impossible that a young Elite could exhibit such a failure of duty as this.

Mary Margaret was terrified of two things right now: the idea that the Witch had abducted Henry and the fact that she would have to tell Regina what had happened to her son. The former Evil Queen was formidable on a good day, there was no telling what she'd be like on a day with her son in mortal danger.

Jenna coughed again. A shadow flickered over the blonde's face as the light streaming in from a nearby broken window shifted.

It was then that Mary Margaret noticed the colour of the girl's skin. She was so pale and translucent that she almost looked… blue. Like she wasn't getting enough oxygen in her blood.

"Jenna, do you feel ok-"

Suddenly Jenna began to cough and gasp violently, heaving her upper body forward as she fought for air. Mary Margaret's caught her before she could fall flat to the floor and realised what was happening.

"David, she's choking!"

Winter castle, Queen's chambers

A swirling puff of purple smoke appeared in the room revealing two women standing close, almost embracing. Emma extricated herself first before Regina had a chance to. She looked around, realising where they were. The rich dressings of the Queen's chambers surrounded them. Having slept several nights there, to Emma it was the most familiar place in this entire realm.

"Oh, so now you want to be with me in your bedroom," said Emma, rolling her eyes.

Regina barely hid her derision. "Your sarcasm is both irritating and unwanted. I brought us here so that we could talk without being overheard by half the castle."

"Maybe I don't want to talk."

"You literally just said that you were upset because I haven't talked to you since last night. I'm a Queen, I'm very busy and have many demands on my t-"

Emma glared. "Yes, I know. You're a Queen and I'm me. Listen to what I'm saying, I am not upset."

"Really, dear? Because I know you and you certainly look upset."

"This again," Emma muttered, pacing a few steps. "Of course. You remember everything and I don't remember anything. I'm an idiot and I have to sit around being protected because I'm too weak to handle the truth."

Damn it was annoying. The way that Regina did seem to know a lot about her. It kept throwing her off balance. Usually it was so easy to keep herself safely closed off from people, to keep her feelings to herself and not have to face anything she didn't want to because nobody knew what was going on deep inside her. And when she ran nobody bothered to run after her. But Regina just kept giving her those looks, like she understood Emma's reticence and respected it though at the same time wanting to coax her to deal with what was bothering her.

Emma stopped her mindless pacing and went to sit on the edge of the mattress. She pressed her fingers into her forehead wearily and closed her eyes, knowing that Regina was most likely still waiting for her to speak again.

"You keep saying that you know me and there's all this stuff that we supposedly went through together. But I don't remember any of it. You won't tell me what went on between us. I'm sick and tired of trying to guess."

"Well," the Queen said, summoning a patronising tone while examining her uncomfortably closely. "If you really want to know you could get your memories back whenever you want. You have the potion the Blue Fairy gave you last night don't you? Or did you destroy it. Again."

"I haven't taken it yet. I don't know if I will."

"Why not?"

Emma sighed, flinging her arms out. "I don't know! It's too big a risk. What if I decide to take it and then I remember things that I wish I didn't? I can't take it back."

"How very true." It was evident that Regina was disappointed, maybe even quietly angry at her. "Ignorance is bliss as they say. It's your decision though it affects all of us."

"What happens when we go back to the real world?"

"What do you mean."

"Hook brought me to this crazy place on your orders so that I could defeat this Witch person and save you all. I assume you have a plan for getting me and my son back to where we came from?"

Regina started to shake her head. "Emma, I-"

Emma's eyes narrowed sharply. "Because if you don't that's pretty irresponsible. Selfish even! How could you bring Henry to a dangerous place like this without being able to send him back. I thought the whole point of giving us up was so we'd be safe."

"It was-"

"We're not safe here! We need to go back. Henry deserves to grow up and go to college in a place where he won't die of - I dunno, plague, or gum disease or whatever kills people in this hellhole."

The Queen took measured steps away to peer out through the balcony door, sweeping the filmy curtains aside, acting as though she was interested in what might be going on outside the room. But really, her own reflection was all that was visible in the glass due to the harsh whiteness of the Winter day.

After a long time Emma let herself flop backwards onto the bed, heedless of her boots on the bedspread.

"Were you happy." The Queen's voice was low.

"Huh?"

"I..." Regina exhaled. "I gave you both up knowing I could never be happy without you but I thought you would at least be happy together. I went under the sleeping curse knowing I'd never see my son again. Or you. I knew that the Saviour would be safe in another world, nowhere near close enough to kiss me awake."

Her sudden forthrightness was a surprise to Emma. "Wait, you finally admit that? You did want it to be me?"

"I never expected to see you again but then you did turn up in this realm, acting like you do, demanding to know why I'd consider marrying a man I hardly knew. You were so you, just as I remembered. I began to think that if you saw how much good you could do here as a hero you'd want to stay here. With us. So that you could be here with your family and the parents you've been searching for your whole life."

"I don't know them. I- it's too soon. I can't-" Emma struggled to say what she meant.

Regina turned around slowly to face her when she revealed the truth. "There's no way to get back to Storybrooke. Not for any of us."

"So we are stuck here." Emma's gaze hardened on the icy pale face of the other woman. "Hook was right. You brought me - and Henry - here, without any way of getting us back to the real world."

"It was our only chance, your parents believed that you could do this. Besides, you and Henry were living fake lives, the ones I magically gave you. You weren't really happy were you."

"You have no idea what my life was like," Emma said defensively.

"Actually I do. I really know you, Emma Swan. I also know that if you drank the Blue Fairy's potion you'd remember everything we did together and maybe we could work out a way to get home with our magic. We're stronger together, we've done incredible things in the past. But we can't do any of that while ever you're running from what you don't even remember. And if it's not possible and we have to stay here forever- well, at least we'd all be together."

Emma felt her stubbornness kick in. She sat up abruptly. "God no. I can't stay here! This place is insane. No way."

"This is where you belong, Princess," the Queen said sharply. "It's where you are from. You were born Royal and you were made to be the Saviour. The Summer kingdom is your birthright and you have a responsibility to save your people just as your parents have done countless times."

"Great. Good for them. They saved everyone except me."

"Trust me, as far as parents go they aren't terrible. They love you and they're trying to make up for lost time. You three were inseparable in Storybrooke. You could have those precious memories back in an instant."

"I don't want to remember anything about them!"

"Why not."

"Because it will make it impossible to leave. And I have to go. I have to get Henry out of this medieval nightmare. It's what's best for him!"

Regina looked down and smiled to herself, seemingly enjoying some little irony. It felt like there were constant references and inside jokes that Emma wasn't in on, she didn't understand why the other woman looked so amused but she had a feeling it was at her expense. The twist of the Queen's crimson painted lips annoyed her to no end. At the same time she felt like she'd seen it many times before.

Regina fixed her with a knowing glint in her eye. "Now that Henry remembers do you think he'd go back with you? Do you think he'd leave us - his grandparents, his baby aunt, and me? Don't forget, I'm his mother too. I've known him longer than you have and I am certain he will not agree to leave knowing the rest of us are here. He was willing to be a hero and risk everything for his family. Unlike you."

"Yeah, and that's why he's missing right now! If you're his real mother you damn well should have stopped him."

Right on cue, they heard the voice of Snow White calling through the mirror. "Regina! I need to speak with you urgently. It's about Henry..."

Emma and the Queen rushed to the magic mirror where the image was now frozen. After a second the blocky image stuttered as though it were a digital signal and there was some interference. It juddered and occasionally sound broke through.

"What's wrong with it," said Emma with impatience. "Is it buffering or something? This is worse than crappy wifi."

Regina didn't bother answering, eyes fixed on the mirror. "Mary Margaret? Snow? Answer me! If you have news of my son I need to hear it yesterday."

The surface of the mirror sharpened to reveal the pale face of Snow White surrounded by what looked to be the battered ruins of the Summer Palace. The image bobbed, unsteady due to the handheld pocket mirror on Snow's side that she was holding up like a Facetime session as she walked the stone corridors and negotiated the debris.

"Regina," Snow said in relief. "Emma. Thank Grimm."

"What's going on," said Emma. "Where's Henry. Did you find him?"

"No, he's not here. But we found the other Pawn guard he was paired with for the search. Her name is Jenna."

"Jenna Meadows, g7," said Regina straight away, apparently knowing the names of all the guards even the lowest ranks. "Is she alright?"

"Yes and no. David's taken her out of the castle to find some water. She's a bit shaken up."

"Did she tell you what happened to Henry?"

Snow frowned apologetically. "Not yet. We'll keep trying but it seems she doesn't remember much. When we found her she was acting very strange… Regina, she's a proper Elite isn't she. Loyal? Dutiful?"

Regina bristled. "Of course. I boarded her myself. She was the most impressive new recruit in years. I'll not stand to have it said otherwise."

"I thought so." Snow nodded. "When we found her she was apathetic, energyless... She couldn't care less about anything. She was just sitting there. Until she turned blue and started choking like she couldn't get any air."

"And...?" Emma prompted. "You're killing me here. What happened."

Snow turned her head suddenly as though peering down both sides of an intersection of corridors before turning her attention back to the conversation. "Oh. David thumped her on the back and it must've dislodged whatever it was. She was fine after that. Well, mostly fine."

"Did you find what it was?" Regina questioned. "For instance, did you find a little blue sphere like a marble?"

"No, but we weren't really looking. Why?"

Emma swung her head to the Queen beside her, shrewdly guessing what the other woman was thinking. "You think it was one of those Shade things that the Witch keeps using?"

"Yes," Regina replied. "It sounds like it. My guess would be the Shade of Acedia."

"Uh, Seedy-what? I thought they were supposed to be the seven deadly sins or whatever."

"Acedia is more commonly interpreted as Sloth - laziness. But mostly it manifests as melancholia, a lack of energy, and a passiveness or indifference to duty. It's a slowing of the mind. It fits with your mother's description of Jenna's affect and is likely responsible for the blue tinge associated with oxygen deprivation."

"Fuck that," Emma grumbled under her breath. "It's not a sin to feel depressed. Who makes up this shit."

"I quite agree."

Snow stopped for a second to concentrate on her surroundings, as though trying to figure out where she was. "Girls, I'm going to go. I've just seen something in Anna's room. We'll call you back later after we question Jenna more about what happened. But I think it's safe to say that Henry isn't here."

The Queen sighed shakily, worry evident in her expression and entire frame. There was nothing worse than being powerless to help a child in danger.

"Stepmother?"

Regina glared. "Don't you dare get in the habit of calling me that, Snow. It makes me wish I'd killed you when I had the chance."

"And yet here we are." Snow smiled. "Listen, Regina, I know what you're going through. We'll get your son back to you. I promise."

"Your unending optimism is ridiculous, dear."

"Love you too. Be good, Emma. Bye." The call ended with Snow giving a wave and a kiss to Emma and then her image faded from the mirror, leaving the two women starting at their own reflections in the glass. Each of them occupied with her own anxieties over their son and the hoped-for information that did not eventuate. They still didn't know where Henry was or what had happened to him. Did the Witch get to him first? It seemed the most likely - and worst - explanation for his disappearance.

"We need to go find him," said Emma, barely giving the silence any time to settle.

"Without evening knowing where to start?" said Regina. "No, it's too dangerous for you. We should wait until your parents speak to Jenna. She might remember more."

Emma propped her hands on her hips. "And why do you get to decide."

The Queen was taken aback, apparently unused to her authority being questioned. She raised an imperious eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"I'm sick of you deciding everything. Even if this crazy story is true and you're Henry's adoptive mother from some alternate universe or something, you don't get to tell me to stay in the castle for my own safety when my own kid is in danger. I should be out there looking for him!"

"Are you done?"

"No." Emma stepped closer and lowered her voice emphatically. "I gave birth to him. He's a part of me. My blood runs through his veins. You can never erase that no matter how much you try. You can't suddenly come back into his life, thinking you know what's best for the kid and push me aside like I was just babysitting him for you. I'm his mother. I get to decide. Not some interloper with magic tricks and a Disney castle. Even Snow talked to you like you're his Mom and I'm not."

To Emma's surprise Regina didn't get angry and argue back. The Queen merely smiled and chuckled, shaking her head, all the while listening to the rant as though it were mightily amusing. In any other circumstance she would've killed for them to be standing so close and with such sparks flying between them. But right now-

"What is so funny," snapped Emma.

"You. Oh, I have lived for this day and all its irony. If only it were at a less irritating time so that I could enjoy it more."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means, dear," Regina's dark eyes lost their mirth and narrowed, pinning the Saviour into place with expert precision. "That you're worried I'm going to take him from you. You're worried I might have a better claim at being his mother than you do and that everyone's going to agree. You're worried I'm going to win his love and turn Henry against you and that he'll choose to stay here with me. And do you know how I know all this? Because it's exactly what you did to me."

Utterly stunned that Regina had zeroed in on her fears, Emma stammered over her words. "You can't blame me for that- ….Whatever happened in - in Storybrooke or whatever. … I don't remember any of it."

Regina grabbed both her hands in her own and squeezed them tight. Her voice lost its hard edge. "Then take the potion, Emma. Please. I need you to remember."

"I- … I can't."

"Then so be it. GUARDS!" The Queen hollered and two liveried and armed men instantly appeared from nowhere. "Escort Miss Swan to the dungeon."

Summer Kingdom forest camp

Commander Beretta had seen terrible wounds during her military career. Her memory was forever stained with the blood of innocents slain in battles they should never have been anywhere near. The Ogre Wars had raged for centuries mercilessly stealing generations of young villagers. Whatever beast or being that ended them would've had to have been far more cruel.

And now the evidence was before her very eyes.

The temptation to shy away from violence or suffering had been forcibly suppressed in her youth. She'd begun training almost as soon as she could walk. Her entire life's purpose had always been centered around her duty to the Winter crown. Nothing else had mattered.

Almost nothing.

He'd been a boy when they'd met. Barely older and no stronger than her. They trained together and been boarded together as pawns, years of adolescent quibbling evolved into a fierce adult rivalry. They achieved the rank of Commander in the same year. He was the only one who never thought of her as Second.

Beretta swallowed the sick taste that rose in her throat at the sight of her oldest friend. Commander Bishop lay still as death upon the makeshift stretcher. There was nary a part of his uniform that had not been slashed to ribbons, now tattered and covered in drying blood. The coppery stench of it filled her nostrils. She breathed it in deliberately, inhaling the last of his earthly presence.

It was never forbidden in law for them to be together. But duty and calling had been too deeply embedding their psyches for them to act upon their attraction. They were perfect parallel warriors, always flanking the Queen and never - never - intersecting the same square.

He was unconscious, his breathing was already irregular. She counted the seconds between each slow wheeze of air, wondering whether another one was coming after it. Would this be the last? Could she start grieving yet and get it over with?

"Is he going to die." A girl's voice trembled.

Beretta tore her eyes away to glance at her side (she would regret wasting that second later) to identify Jenna, one of Bishop's youngest charges.

"Yes, Pawn. He will likely die upon this hour."

"Oh no." Jenna choked up. "It's all my fault."

"It is not. Do not dishonour him by disrespecting his choice to further the mission."

"Forgive me. I-" the pre-teen started weeping, her face red with embarrassment and trying to hold it in.

Beretta did not have the energy to comfort the girl. Nobody had comforted her, not the first time she'd seen a dead body and hurled before crying for days. Nor did they the second or third time. She'd long trained away the urge to cry. It was no longer possible, even when it would have been appropriate.

"Don't do that, young Elite." Commander Beretta placed a hand on Jenna's shoulder. "Do not stop yourself from crying."

Jenna sniffed wetly. "Why? You are stronger than I will ever be, I must learn to be better. You do not cry and nor shall I."

"I am too tired to cry," said Beretta.

There was silence in the Medic's tent. Full fat minutes of it passed and then, a shower of rain began to gently fall.